Reviews for Meet Me at Crooked River Bridge |
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![]() ![]() ![]() It's so captivating! What do you mean there's not too much left? |
![]() ![]() ![]() GREAT flashback! Only a few things that stand out to me. 1. I would drop the "honey" when Harris says "Oh Emma... You'll look..." - it just isn't very believable. I think you would up his sexy factor by being more direct and say, "Em... You look beautiful in anything." 2. In the banter back and forth. They say each others names a lot. I would omit using their names a few times and it will make a big difference. More real, especially when your dialog is so fluid the reader is not losing track of who the voices are. 3. Switch one of the musics "blaring" up with something else. It is just too close together to repeat. 4. Make Emma a little bit more aggressive. She comes across a little too meek in this chapter. Weakening her character just ever so little. There are small things you could do to tighten her up. For example: "Harris, it was absolutely wonderful! I loved it," I say truthfully, and wrap my arms around him in a hug. Her voice, here, just make a minor change to: "... I say truthfully while wrapping my arms around him." The hug is sweet and not leading in to the sultry summer night they are about to have. Depending on your audience you could even make her pull him in, feeling his breathe on her... If you make her voice a bit - just a bit - stronger, you are going to make her a force that is undeniable to Harris in present day. Those were the main things. That's the jist! LOVE it as usual! Thanks for writing! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hey, I like the story so far. Really curious about what will happen. Keep it up! Just some advice though, you'd better write your author notes at the end of a chapter or at the beginning, and not use a whole chapter for that purpose. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Like it. A LOT! Only difficulty for me was, there needs to be one more sentence between the, "as if they were the only two people in the world. Harris and I had..." Like a, "That's all it took. There I was 16 again, that summer when Harris and I became inseparable." Next paragraph starts with. "We'd met at the lake. I ended up spending all of my time with him. Etc..." Plus her being a little more matter of fact lends back to her sassy personality. (Which I am going to keep referring to her as because that's how I already picture her - sassy but sweet.) Like the end of this chapter - good lead into the transition back to present time. The scene is lovely. It portrays that young summer romance that grabs hold of your heart forever in just a few mere moments of your life. LOVE it! MORE please! :0) |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOVE! Dying to know what happens! You have given Emma such a sassy likable voice without making her seem like a martyr pining for a long lost love. Will she cross paths with Harris again? Will she stay stuck with Stan and always have that little voice squabbling in her head as to the unknown what if's? Only time can tell! Great start look forward to seeing more! |