|Reviews for DG Syndrome|
| Reikon chapter 3 . 9/26/2013
Last words in 12th paragraph I believe.
Oblivion's frowned. Get rid of the 's
She tilts her head. I think it should be 'tilted'
Beginning of paragraph..? Should be easy enough to find heh.
"I know you can't use magic so I made this bracelet for you. IT took so long to make it without someone to help me.
Just lowercase the 't' in it.
| Reikon chapter 2 . 9/6/2013
This is the person from before. I believe I used the name Icystorm. I decided to create an account to make things easier.
For this paragraph 'A gunshot rang through the air and the bullet pierced through middle Chiren causing it to scream in pain. The two other Chirens looked behind them and saw the girl standing there with a gun aimed at them. She out the gun inn her back pocket and pulled two knives from her hoodie pockets.;
'She put the gun in her back pocket'
That is all I could find right now
I like Micheal a bit more but I do not like Jo.
| Icystorm chapter 1 . 9/5/2013
A friend of yours from deviantart posted your story for me to read. I can get your friend's username later. DA tends to be a bit slow for me. I will try to write a review for every chapter but don't take it to heart. Most of it will be suggestions or misspellings and also some excited comments. I tend to get into whatever I am reading a bit too much.
*grumbles about the book I just finished* F**k you Five. Killing off my favorite charcter.
The sentence above is the kind of reaction a book should give the reader ;D That could be with any emotion, not just hate or anger, but also happiness and sadness.
Anyway, onto your story. xD
In the first paragraph 'brave drivers' seems a bit strange. Not sure the actual word I am looking for to describe. Maybe use something else besides brave like audacious or fearless.
It is a bit hard to read with more than one person talking in the same paragraph so maybe add more detail in between and have a new paragraph when someone else speaks. I have this same issue but it has gotten better since reading Stephen King, especially his book On Writing.
In the paragraph that starts 'Gorchevan was at his boiling point.' remove the word 'was' from 'Gorchevan was had his attention on him.'
Very good chapter. I want to lean towards liking Michael but it is still too soon to tell. And the name Michael holds a lot of history in it so it is going to surprising whatever you do with him.
Speaking of surprised the first few chapters kept me jumping at what happened next. Did not expect any of that. I must have my boyfriend read this. Once again, very good!
| GladusIsAPotato chapter 6 . 8/10/2013
Brilliant as ever. Errors though my General. I have to sit down with you and edit this together. Thank you for updating it made my day a bit better. And for god sakes Demona the boys you know are above you right now *facepalm*
| LocketKeeper chapter 4 . 6/15/2013
I like how all of this happened on Christmas too lol
This story is WAY under rated, good job general.
| GladusIsAPotato chapter 5 . 5/1/2013
*raises hand* I want to punch this man in the face. Reene I mean cuz you know... Yea punching.
| Rolando chapter 4 . 2/16/2013
Nice...focused story line...leaves us hanging...
| GladusIsAPotato chapter 4 . 2/14/2013
*Staring at page poking it* That... That is it?... But... But... I want more... *sighs* Well Nice clif hanger have to say. Bla bla bla ramble ramble. Yea I'm done just waisting your time here :P lol
| You know me 3 chapter 3 . 12/29/2012
OMGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Love love love... Your such a great story teller I was giggling and smiling and all around it was so fun to read! :DDDD -Me :3
| Sin chapter 2 . 8/27/2012