|Reviews for The Slaughterhouse|
| blueagle246 chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
Very good! You have a great sense of imagery here. Very grotesque, which I can enjoy.
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 7/8/2012
Um, ewww lol. I love your choice of words in this piece, so revolting and disgusting! They get your point across well and almost make me sick thinking about these images.
On the other hand, it's slightly confusing, to me at least. The way you have it worded maked it at first sound like the narrorator is being sent to the slaughterhouse, then later it sounds like the owner of the slaughterhouse, then back to the victim again. I would like it more if that were a little more clear.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
I liked the descriptions in this poem because they really brought out the gore and gross-out factors with the blood etc. that I think really captured the theme of the slaughterhouse title and everything. The language was just gruesome enough for me to feel like I was hesitant to read on, and I think you did a great job imagery-wise and word-choice wise when describing the gore-like details. I think my favorite stanza was actually the second, and then the last two lines. I liked it because it had this sense of character outside of the speaker - and I should say, I ultimately liked this because of the ways it told a story, it was prose-like in that way, so I kind of see this as a narrative poem, which isn't a type of poetry that a lot of people do anymore, so I thought it was a unique choice, and I like genre mixing.
| Redz chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
My first reaction to reading this was "Damn, that's gross." My second was "Wow, he really hates, or rather utterly loathes us humans," and I got a flashback to Animal Farm.
Back on topic. Your images are really strong in this one. They're really effective in that they shock the reader, and they portray the hate and sarcasm of... it's a pig, right? Anyway, they're charged with anger and resentment and that was really well done.
This isn't the type of poetry that I'd normally read, but I must say I was impressed. Some of the stuff you describe is really disgusting.
I did notice, however, your fondness for the word 'black' and 'blackened.' It wasn't repeated too often but I think of the four or five times it appears you could change it for another word at least once.
Good job. Keep it up!
| PotterPower chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
Well, this is very different. I think it's from a pig's point of view; I could be wrong, but there you go. The tone for this one is very good; very aggressive and bitter. Your imagery is excellent as well, it's also very hateful.
I think the style is good, too. I like how you didn't use many signs of anger like ? or curse words, but it seemed angry anyway, because the pictures described were so bitter. The words ring with a painful hatred near the end of one's life; like finding our your friend betrayed you.
Overall, I think it's really good, very jarring, but in a good way.
I do think, though, you should take out the word 'out' in the last line, I think it disrupts the rhythm.
PS - I love your vocabulary :)
| Road to Rhodes chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
I would like to start this by saying I've read a bit of your work and I like its scholarship.
The imagery was pitch perfect in a grotesque manner (it was almost upsetting). I think that that area needs nothing, except for maybe some contrast.
It strikes me (I may be retarded) as the bitter end of a relationship. If it isn't, well I misinterpreted it. If it is however, it think the use of meat is a nice motif.
In terms of punctuation you could consider one of my favorite marks to strengthen the angry questions (the interrobang). If you are going for a slightly more subtle approach avoid it altogether.
Your word choice is overall educated, but not quite formal. With something this aggressive a curse word would be a reasonable addition.
You're gritty. I can appreciate that.
**consider deleting the 'out' in the last line