I really really enjoyed this story because it well written.
I also thought that you did a very nice job with all of your little details.
It would have been better if it were longer, but that is just because it was such a nice story.

Review game!

*puts on brass knuckles* Here I go, not taking it easy on you!

The beginning didn't exactly suck me in, to be honest. While some people go for the outré with their opening lines and go too far, (for instance, checked out a book recently that began with the line "Kill that baby!", while it was a surprise, it was more than a little hamfisted in its attempt to be shocking)in your case, I feel as though you were selling yourself short with this opening. Having gone through the rest of the story, given the kind of talk Matt's planning on having with Jared later, I feel as though an opening like containing a cocktail of anticipation, unease and dread might do more for the tone and direction of the first chapter of this story and get the reader in the right mindset (anticipation) also.

While I usually like slice-of-life descriptions and minutae, I would have much preferred a look-see inside of Matt's head instead of the description of how he manages the contents of his locker.

The "Heya" exchange between Jared and Matt felt a little artificial to me, like a bit of an excuse to get Jay's name out to the read. Kinda like a title card had popped up beneath a portrait of the two characters. While this might sound a little nitpicky, it's an issue that a lot of people, myself included, have to deal with, characters addressing others by name. Think about it; how often do you call your close friends by name? And sarcasm and emphasis aside, if, like in this instance, a friend comes up from behind you and says your name, how likely are you to reply while calling them by their name? While minor, little things like this add up, and turning an eye to something like this can really help your dialogue sound more realistic in the long run. I noticed that you had characters call each other by name a bit too frequently throughout this chapter; I'd suggest reading sections with dialogue aloud, or doing it with a friend (though certain steamy scenes get awkward, let me tell you) to listen to how your dialogue sounds, and then adjust it accordingly.

Moving on, I liked the exchange between Matt and Jared, it did a lot of work in filling in general information about the two characters. My only criticism for this section would be that I feel that not every line of dialogue needs an accompanying motion, or gesture from the character that is speaking. In particular, it was really unnecessary with the line, "Oh you mean the one that you'll date for longer than two weeks?" Matt rolling his eyes was indicative of his disbelief, which wasn't really needed given what was said, and you followed that with, "Though he hated it, his best friend always seemed to have a new girlfriend on his arm every week or two". While it does plant a seed or two as to why Matt might hate it, the rest of the line explains something that didn't really need elaboration so far as I could tell. What I meant by all this is that you're kinda using different words to say the same thing and while it's nothing criminal, I'd try and watch out for it.

As Matt and Jared's conversation went on, I found myself wondering about the school they were in, if only to break the pattern of, "Jared says something, shrugs", then "Matt says something, rolls his eyes". I found myself wanting a few details to remind me where they were- are other students jostling them as they rush by to get to their classes? Does some geek fall down the nearby flight of steps, spilling pens and papers everywhere, momentarily disrupting the conversation? Matt and Jared could have been in their own personal bubble of space and time, and I feel as though I needed a little more reminding that they weren't.

Moving on (even more) I liked the juxtaposition of Lexi's romantic troubles with Matt's. My only complaint about it was that I'd only just got done learning a few lines and verses about Jared and Matt and then I was dropped into Lexi and Aiden's issues, and seeing as I only just met Lexi and haven't met Aiden, it felt like a sudden shift. But I did like the mention that the two of them had made a bargain, and that did a lot in showing me the closeness of their relationship.

Dun-dun-dun. Matt's conversation with Jared! Again, I wish that there had been some sort of foreshadowing or hints towards the nature of the conversation earlier in the story, especially at the beginning; the only hint I saw was the talk with Lexi, and it was too vague to get me super excited about the talk that was to come.

The issue for me was that up until a certain point, I had no idea what Matt had to confess, and in retrospect I would have loved to see him worrying and thinking about not going through with it after all, and preparing for the worst case scenario... once I realized what was going to happen (I had it backwards, I thought Matt was going to say he liked Jared: silly me, stepping out of the closet comes first!) I had boatloads of sympathy for Matt. Even when you think you know a person, well... there's tons of sad stories out there where people came out to friends they trusted and family they thought loved them no matter what, only to find out otherwise, and Matt got 1000 points in my book for throwing himself out there. Some people would have just kept it locked away.

The real winning passages for me in this first chapter were at the end. Feels like famous last words, "Just promise you won't fall in love with me" and the setup feels like a perfect promise for what is to come. As I mentioned before, you do need to watch out so that you don't overstate your meaning, the last paragraph in particular ran circles around itself; Matt not only forced a laugh, he also faked a smile, when the last line, "he made a promise already broken" would have been much more powerful by itself.

To end, you've definitely caught my interest with a set up like this, and I can't be the only one you've ensnared. I can't wait to see how this story progresses! Great job!

I very much enjoyed that you have a sort of multi-issue going on here, and that the multi-racial thing was brought up first. It makes the slash not the center focus of the story from the start, which is promising because as much of a fan of fluffy slash as I am, if there isn't another aspect to it I get bored pretty quickly.

I also very much enjoyed how Jared and Matt handled the coming out thing, and how their dialogue throughout this chapter is pretty consistent with their personalities. Matt's was a little excessively awkward at times and you might want to clean it up, but all things considered it's not actually a huge hindrance to your story.

Writing: On a whole this flows rather well in terms of sentence structure. I did notice a few times you got a little wordy or used unnesscary pronouns (like that) or adjectives that end in -ly. Normally replacing one of those with a stronger verb makes the sentence more powerful. Let me find you an example:

[Jared smirked at him slightly, flipping a piece of his dark hair back unnecessarily,]

Both 'slightly' and 'unnecessarily' don't really add much to the sentence itself. I think the image is more powerful without them. But of course, this is all a matter of style and I know different people are into different things.

Dialogue: I think your dialogue is very realistic and does well in portraying the emotions of your characters. I really enjoyed the banter at the beginning between Matt and Jared. I thought it was a great way to get across their friendship, and I also like how you deliver information about the characters through their dialogue. It's a great way to build up both characters and plot without one or the other feeling like an info-dump.

It's also refreshing to see you understand how to properly format your dialogue, so thank you for that. You have no idea how often I come across it being used incorrectly on fictionpress, haha.

Characters: So far I think you have a decent cast of very likable characters. I would almost say too likable, but I tend to be a very mean person to my own characters and I like making them be total assholes a lot of the times, haha. But yeah, it's nice to read something different and more light-hearted. Lexi is really cool, and I think you do a great job with her and her now ex-boyfriend's problem. Same with Matt - they're all very realistic and believable, and it's nice to see they're also decent human beings.

Ending: I really like Jared's reaction to Matt's confession. I think he acts the same way I would act if my friend came out of the closet to me. It would be a surprise for sure, and it would take me a couple minutes to understand it, but in the end I would be totally supportive and end up thinking, "who cares, anyways?" So yeah, it makes it even easier to sympathize with Jared now, seeing how accepting he is. I wasn't too sure about him after hearing about his whole girl friend deal, but now I really like him.

I already addedthisto story alert. I hope to read more of this soon. The way it finished was kind of predictable but makes me want to know the rest of the story.