Reviews for The Night Sky
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
I don't like the length of some of your sentences because it somewhat dulls the chilling effect you've told about. Eg, the first line: [The cool night air chilled me to the bone as I sat, relaxing on this hill, my jacket doing little to stop the cold air.] - would work better if it was shorter and more dramatic. The sentence can be split at the second comma.

I like the sentiment of this though because it demonstrates the damage discriminating and alienation can cause in a rather horrific light. There's something relateable and stand-outish about this at the same time; something ordinary and extraordinary, so it becomes in a sense something that can be both attractive and repulsive, and I think you've captured that effect quite nicely.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
walls-have-ears chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Wow, that was dark. In a way I found it quite amusing, but then I think that this is possible; someone becoming like this due to being discriminated against. It's terrible really, the way people treat others. This was good in my opinion, and I think you wrote everything well, and it reminded me that people becoming like this is possible. Nice story.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Good improvements.

The reason I don't like the character talking to himself is that it's a very overused plot device. We don't get enough characterization for the character before then to really justify it, so it takes more from the story than it adds, because everybody associates characters talking to themselves with cheesy writing.

Very nice job. I love this one.