|Reviews for Rise of Mortalitas|
| WereMagi chapter 14 . 9/18/2012
Bada-BOOM! Great chapter, nice fighting and damn Anna being threatening! XD I like where all of this is going!
| Do Play With Fire chapter 2 . 9/9/2012
I still like this and I find it interesting, but I had one problem with this chapter, and Lolly summed it up perfectly. "'Woaaah, information dump.' Josh looked to the door as Lolly returned, holding a glass of water and skimming the paragraphs quickly. 'Y'know, that's not what you want to do with a story. You want to like... I dunno, space it out? Maybe describe each region when we reach it? Cause... no-one's really gonna remember this stuff when they actually get to that place.'" My advice is to take your own advice.
| WereMagi chapter 13 . 9/9/2012
" "Ah... Ahhh!" She creamed in pain "
I took that out of context...
Otherwise, great chapter! :D However, expect a number of updates soon on Legacy Pen. Like, five chapters when I finish rewriting my draft to include all the changes I have made. Lastly, Plot Twist was interesting. Iill have to let you update more before I update LP so I can better write your character/s
| Do Play With Fire chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
Hi. I like this, and I really like Lolly's character so far. I hope you did not change her in the later chapters. Anyway, when Josh finished writing the prologue, you should have signified the change in POV a little more.
| WereMagi chapter 12 . 8/2/2012
Forgot to sign in before. That guest review is mine. I'm too lazy to sign in from my 3DS...
| Guest chapter 12 . 8/1/2012
... So much dark atmosphere. Someone light a torch or something.
Great chapter! I loved everything, even the ass kicking the kids received. Molly doesn't look so much as an annoying character as much now! So much good! I found nothing to point out as negative, unless you count the amount of cliff hangers. Too much. Your trying to get people hooked, yes, but too much in a chapter leads to too much action later on, which means a longer chapters or more drawn out chapters about how they all resolve.
Okay, sure, two are linked and the last is not really much action and sounds like it's background/not being written about till the time comes, but it's a lot in one chapter.
| WereMagi chapter 11 . 7/7/2012
Totally forgot to review this when I read it... opps...
But yes, an interesting chapter that is giving me the motivation to continue my struggle with Legacy Pen right now... Stupid flow not working with me...
| WereMagi chapter 10 . 6/28/2012
*ahem* Sorry about, just had to spout out gibberish as words were beyond me after such a good chapter.
Another thing you seemed to have missed was this "strongest of flowers". Hawks don't flower but they do fly!
| qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmlkjh chapter 1 . 6/27/2012
Kk so figured I may as well write something on this thing already, so hey there Merlin. xD
Heh. Shadow. 3 You better write more tomorrow, or else. :3
This story is like my highlight of the day. C:
So yeah, keep it up and... all that good stuff. xD
| WereMagi chapter 9 . 6/27/2012
Oh, new character already? Awesome. And I like how this is going! In my IT class again, so yeah, "working hard".
Very great chapter and nothing seemed wrong with the chapter it self, flowed well. I enjoyed it! :D
| WereMagi chapter 8 . 6/26/2012
ZOMG this is moving faster than anticipated! kinda looking forward to their first partners, more so Ryan's since he is fire and fire is a fun element to play with. Next would be Josh as electric is another fun element to play with. The rest, well, I want to see what they get but I want to know if these two guys are going to have suitable partners.
One thing that ruined the flow for me was the use of stood in this line - "A hobo?" Lolly looked over her shoulder at Josh, who was stood there with his hand on the bench, looking down at her. She then smiled weakly, "...Well, I'm glad to see you're okay."
Apart from that, I am waiting (im)patiently for the next update! :D
| WereMagi chapter 7 . 6/26/2012
Wolf of Darkness? ZOMG MY FAVOURITE! I am now wondering if you are like, in holding information on me, but even if you somehow were, this story is awesome and getting more awesome. And I thought I could break the badass meter with Shards.
Now, to reply to your pm...
| WereMagi chapter 6 . 6/26/2012
"...Interesting." - Ethaniel
I had to quote your character. Just had to! Your story is really shaping itself! You follow Legacy Pen, so I won't go on about how the story line is somewhat similar (despite me not getting far with the main plot yet, but from what offered, it looks like it.) but yours is by far much more interesting as a tale whereas mine is on the theories and characters.
I will be following this and will enjoy it greatly!