Reviews for The Kidnapping
Sophie chapter 1 . 1/30
This is good
Guest chapter 1 . 6/7/2015
It seems more like an intro to a story then an actual story.
sophia chapter 4 . 3/25/2015
the best of the best:
sophia chapter 2 . 3/25/2015
Guest chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
Pretty cool! I saw the trailer! Its awesome! Great job ;)
Historicalbookworm chapter 5 . 12/7/2012
Awesome story!
Nintendo Fan 101 chapter 5 . 9/4/2012
Sounds alot like what Phillip Garrido did to Jaycee Dugard for 18 years.
nylet chapter 5 . 8/2/2012
It was good, the plot was exquisite (Am I even using the right term? I just don't know) but it was... short... and a little fast-paced, I guess. I think details would've made it perfect. It ended maybe too quick and had some emptiness in it but, nevertheless, I liked it!
Navaura chapter 5 . 7/21/2012
Wow, now that's a great exit.
Guest chapter 5 . 7/20/2012
Awwww it had a happy ending but good story anyway! Really liked it keep up the nice work!
The Autumn Queen chapter 4 . 7/15/2012
I don't like your punctuation in this chapter because it's, frankly, all over the place. Some of it's nonsensical, ie. ["Calla Halmore." She says.] - should be a comma and lower case "she". Others just make the dramatic feel fall a little flat.

I also don't like the reunion with Sadia because it came out too hastily. There's no emotion in it; no haste, sudden bout of relief, no panic...came out somewhat emptily.

I love when Sadia shouted at Sarah to stop running though. Skidding to a halt.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
The Autumn Queen chapter 3 . 7/15/2012
I like the first paragraph this time round because it shows a real emotive feel. Those quick unanswerable questions give a good feel to how Sarah feels, a good impression to how time had passed.

I don't like Sarah's reaction to Sadia's death because I feel like it was simply too hasty and thus unrealistic. Not much emotion; even the "oh no..." doesn't give an emotive feel to it.
The Autumn Queen chapter 2 . 7/15/2012
I don't really like the way you've worded that first sentence: [I go through a series of waking up and getting knocked out again.] - It almost sounds like something as mundane as the laundry cycling through its phrases or the PCR machine if you do biology (and that really irritating song). So yeah, it only stands out to the extent of being annoying; not the best way to start when you're trying to grab attention.

I also don't like your speaker tags - you've attempted to bring emotion and drama into it, but the way you've structured them is sort of making the effect fall flat. For example, ["Listen, Sarah" she begins before I interrupt her.] - all you had to do about the interruption was add a dash after Sarah. That shows the interruption better than /telling/ it.
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
I like the shortness of this because it works well with the dramatic suspense of fleeing from pursuit. I don't however like that first paragraph's structure because it detaches a little from the suspense. If she's running fast, she wouldn't be paying attention to the blood dripping - dripping is a slow motion. [Feet crunching on the leaves, are they my feet? ] - not really place for a comma. [Let's hope the first.] - loses effect by speaking out to audience. Minor things that all add up.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Navaura chapter 1 . 7/14/2012

nice job writing.
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