|Reviews for A Gift of Time|
| aehvtine chapter 1 . 10/17/2013
If you're looking for a general review, I'm probably not your girl. I love the stories, I have reread Ghosts and Thought several times, but I probably wouldn't spot a plot hole if it was staring me in the face. I genuinely like your characters, they have whole personalities and perspectives, they have been shaped by their past and come across as people I would like to know. So count me as a fan.
If, however, you would like someone that the grammatical faux pas and occasional malaprop stands out like a sore thumb to... Well I guess that's me. For instance, I pray that before publication you will word search the entire book for every horrifying use of the grammatically incorrect "littler". I know it exists in some urban dictionaries, but it grates like fingernails on a chalkboard on my brain. In chapter 10 you have Akira and the Sheriff walking through the forest and Akira refers to "Natalya and your Father" while speaking about the ability to see the future. I know you mean "Natalya and her Father", but it stops the reading flow.
So if you have other people who do that kind of beta reading for you, I understand, but do keep writing. I can't wait to see what happens next!
| Darlove99 chapter 24 . 10/15/2013
Excellent story. I really like what you have done.
| AllyrienDM chapter 24 . 10/14/2013
Haha glad to help, even if I persist in arguing with you! Elsinore is a lovely name for a lake. Was there a book involved? It sounds familiar.
| MsTaylor chapter 23 . 10/13/2013
Way to go ! ! About time she stood up for something, I'm really into this story, please keep writing
| AllyrienDM chapter 23 . 10/13/2013
Well I did NOT predict that connection to Mary, so apparently my psychic skills are still somewhat lacking.
| MsTaylor chapter 22 . 10/11/2013
Great update! Loving this story
| ZeroGain chapter 22 . 10/10/2013
Great! Your characters do what their motivations demand, not the "sensible" things. I can't find anything to improve, its all cohesive and it all makes sense. the hammer line feels like an Easter egg, I think. I particularly enjoy they symmetry of the usefulness of the gun. I don't know if that is an intentional answer to my symmetry in WotG, I rather doubt it, but I couldn't help thinking it might be.
Keep up the good work, you're nearing the end of this journey. Remember Aesop.
| MsTaylor chapter 21 . 10/9/2013
Greatest story ever, i hope you update soon
| AllyrienDM chapter 21 . 10/8/2013
Eeks. Weeell, I suppose he'd have to make an appearance sooner or later, hmm?
I do have a somewhat editorial comment to make at this point, though. I don't know what you have planned coming up, but for someone who seemed very important at the beginning of this tale, Colin has distinctly vanished into the backdrop. If this is going to be a romance instead of just how Natalya very unexpectedly becomes a Mom, you may want to find a way to wheedle together a few more scenes featuring their chemistry?
I think maybe instead of having Jamie be sick I would have Colin be at Natalya's when Travis shows up, and he startles Travis at exactly the wrong time and gets a bit on the shot side? Thereby forcing Natalya to face her fear of him dying, with the bonus of her precog being on the outs? I think it would maybe knit together the two focuses of the story better.
Buuuut perhaps you have something devious planned up ahead. Just stickin' a suggestion in ye olde suggestion box! ;)
| AllyrienDM chapter 20 . 10/4/2013
Hmm, can't decide whether Natalya's foresight is coming back or if she's just a reasonably intelligent adult. ;) I suppose this doesn't end with all the kids moving in with her, satisfying as that might be.
| AllyrienDM chapter 19 . 10/3/2013
I love the restaurant food as a clue, very clever.
| ZeroGain chapter 19 . 10/2/2013
Excellent work. I know you agonized over some of this, but the end result is really good. Doing this from the mobile, so chat at me if you want a more thorough discussion.
Great idea with Rose and Travis. Really sets her time placement.
| ZeroGain chapter 15 . 9/20/2013
First, I love the opening. You swear so rarely that you truly can use it to enhance rather than clutter.
It's interesting in these opening sentences tha Zane is calm, but I suppose that is because he knows implicity lat his sister is alive, while the rest of us would be just loosing our shit. I know he's all Zen-minded, but... it's his sister.
Colin's attention to detail throughout is awesome, I love it. He's very much a cop in this one, very much the man in charge.
I know that right now you're unhappy with how this one plays out. I advise you not to be. I think this is a necessary moment of falling tension, especially after the rising tension of the last chapter. It does end on a middle-tension note, but a few sentence revisions at the end can change that, depending on what you're aiming for here.
Your characterization of Colin continues to be deep and insightful. I am building an image of a man of compassion and rock-solid dependability. He's not Mister Super Competence Man, but such a guy in real life would be the one you knew you could depend on to stand at your back and help, no matter the storm of crap.
Keep on going! I need a new chapter on Saturday :P
| AllyrienDM chapter 14 . 9/12/2013
Hmmmmm. So Kenzi already didn't talk, it's not a new thing...
| ZeroGain chapter 11 . 8/24/2013
I want more. :-)
Excellent tension building on display here. I loved the painting scene, especially the emotional ramp up. The scene next to the bed heightens that well. And the knocking door, though perhaps trope, is the best kind of that.
I suggest trimming a few lines at the end, make it more of a cliffhanger chapter, to maintain that tension.
As always, your sparing use of description inspires me to trim words in my own work. Yes. Minimalist prose still works and you continue to demonstrate an apt hand.
By the way, I want more.