|Reviews for Catch The Train|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
You reviewed a piece of my (worst) poetry quite a while ago, at some time in early April, so here I am returning the favor.
I have always enjoyed the image of a train station, which I believe can be ascribed to my devotion to the blues, and I think that you do a pretty decent job of starting with that image and building it from there. My favorite image in the poem was definitely "beggar man", because in addition to being a great image, it also gave the speaker's voice a lot of life, which had up to that point been lacking.
Now I notice that this poem follows a pretty standard rhyme scheme (though I see that you aren't afraid to depart from it on occasion, which is good), and this is one thing that has always bugged me about rhymed poems: a writer can use a lot of space and a lot of trite, cliched images trying to make the rhyme happen. Rhyme, like any other poetic device, is there to help create feeling - if the rhyme at any point detracts from the poem's ability to interact with the reader, it probably isn't helping.
For instance, you use the word "cold" twice, and you used it to say the exact. same. thing. both times. "He left me cold." I mean, I know what the speaker was trying to express, especially since I gather that this is from your own point of view, but as an author: what did you gain by saying that twice? It's not that exciting an image anyway; trim the fat, and find something more evocative.
The end was pretty solid though. Even though there wasn't much of an emotional journey during the middle of the poem, there was enough of one that when I read through the second time, I was able to see that the speaker had experienced something; referencing back to the beginning of the poem gave it some interesting closure, which is interesting, because it seems to me that the speaker doesn't have any closure with regards to this relationship.
I hope this helps you improve your poetry!
| Craig Thorpe chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
This piece was very deep and moving! It was extremely well written and this is your best piece by far! Great job
| Eleantris chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
This was lovely! The rhyme and rhythm was fantastic, a pleasure to read! :D
| TheGlycoprotein chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
Beautifully sad, lovely solid rhyme scheme which I think contributes to the poem - almost like she's numb and in shock. Wonderfully written, as always :)
| Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
This is a beautiful poem and I couldn't help but envision it. I like how the whole poem rested on that line he spoke "I'll catch up" because it feels the reader with hope before taking it away again at the end. Superb poem!
| i l n o k chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
How sad . . :( You really brought this scene to life, it was so easy to picture this :D
| Valenteen chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
Hey, another good one, Apple Crumble. Very emotive and powerful. I love the story going on in it.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
So well written and heart breaking
| Luckycool9 chapter 1 . 6/27/2012
Wow this is good. I hope you write more poems soon
| Meadow Frost chapter 1 . 6/27/2012
So sad and lovely, and written really really well.