|Reviews for Call Boy|
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 4/23
One thing I noticed: When describing what he does, he specifically says "I can fuck them," but in the next sentence, he then says that he won't fuck them anymore. I get what you're saying, but perhaps change the first sentence around to be like "I would've fucked them" or just take that line out completely, as it's giving the feeling an unreliable narrator (unless that's what you're going for!).
Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter. It flowed well, and was easy to follow and visualize. Great job, and very solid!
| Whirlymerle chapter 3 . 4/13
I feel like when you come back to editing, what I’ll be pointing out here is pretty obvious (because neither of us is 17 anymore! ;D ), but hopefully this is somewhat helpful!
First off—great writing. Again, the narration comes across very easy and natural. I thought your scotch and Rolex details were well timed and conveyed Kyler’s wealth/privilege without overdoing it. I thought the Leather Ball detail was a nice touch to Ali.
The main issue I had with this chapter is that I found it really disturbing that Kyler knows Dexter is a rape victim, goes as far as to visit his pimp personally to check on his meds and think that "Dexter is a person, not a broken toy," but doesn't have an issue with the fact that Dexter is escorting at all. I feel like anyone else who’s *actually* concerned would realize that Dexter is seriously not fit to work, and I just don’t get that vibe here.
I feel like this chapter would benefit immensely from some sort of explicit rationalizing on Kyler’s part where he justifies (or at least, considers) whether he should keep hiring Dexter for his services. Even if he ultimately decides that it’s okay to keep using Dexter, I feel like that’s a problem for which he should consider and reach a conclusion, not one where it’s not even a question. Does that make sense?
| ramblingrobin chapter 18 . 4/6
I really enjoyed this chapter! Grace Kelly, Elizabeth? Anywho, a lot of complex emotional stuff packed into this chapter, and you spun it out well. The cherry stem bit about had me combusting as well. Yummy. I like the descriptions you give for things, like Kyler's sigh, they are colorful without feeling forced. And your dialogue flows well. Excellent chapter. xoxo Robin
| Whirlymerle chapter 2 . 3/20
Hmm… I remember that Dexter had mentioned no BDSM before. After reading the opening scene, I feel like this at least partially explains it.
I really liked the imagery of ceiling paint fluttering down like snow.
How did Kyler figure out where Dexter lives? Especially after all the trauma Dexter has, shouldn’t he feel a bit shocked/scared when this new client (whom he knows very little about) shows up at his door?
I really like the “it’s not you it’s me” retort that Dexter comes up with. I thought it was a perfect combination of funny and achy/sad.
[one of the girls competing for the intern position tried to commit suicide] I found this a bit too dramatic. I feel like an emergency at the office could still be an emergency if it’s far less urgent than this (ie. sabotage, throwing a fit) Also, (and I know you mentioned briefly the competition in the first chapter) a competition for an intern position is generally… the interview? If people are competing to be interns, surely they are not hired and thus cannot be fired? Perhaps it’s interns who are competing for full time offers? Sorry, I know this is really trivial, I just know a bit about this area.
In general though, my personal opinion is that while authors shouldn’t/don’t have to explain the intricacies of minor plot points, the more “extreme” a plot point, the more explanation is needed. So sticking with something simpler/less dramatic might enhance or spotlight the more important pieces of the story, such as Dexter’s past or Kyler’s history.
I really enjoyed the ending line. Has a solid weight to it.
| Whirlymerle chapter 1 . 3/19
Returning your review!
It’s a really minor detail, but I’m really curious about the announcements about the party and how the firm would be closed for two weeks for the holidays. 1) What marketing firm in a place as competitive as Manhattan would want to lose all the potential income streams by mandating two weeks of inactivity? I suppose it would indicate a caring corporate culture, but this strategy seems much more inefficient than just encouraging people to take vacation time during the holiday season (which would leave the firm running because presumably people don’t all take their vacations at the same time)? 2) Why do they even need printed announcements about the party and closing in the waiting area (which I imagine staff don’t spend much time) when an internal email would suffice. Unless it’s for the clients? But then don’t clients at a marketing firm still need to make an appointment before walking in, in which case they would have been notified another way when the office is closed?
Also rather minor—The “take it like a slave up for auctioning” simile was off to me, because Dexter feels “unwilling to lose money over the comfortabilities,” so he still feels that he’s profiting from himself, which puts him in a different situation than that of a slave.
Okey doke, you definitely set up an interesting premise and threw in some great hinting/foreshadowing. For instance, now I really want to know what happened to Dexter with the former client that made him take a vacation. I thought you successfully pulled off the tension in the first meeting with Kyler; the scene carried very well.
The line about how Dexter gives others what they wanted—“companionship, sex, or…” followed the statement “I don’t fuck” also piqued my curiosity. I’m definitely wondering how he distinguishes the two!
Since Kyler is so serious about setting up an NDA, I’m getting vibes that he has an ulterior motive here.
Looking forward to reading more!
| Fryvi chapter 18 . 3/19
Criminal minds! yeey!
I'm happy for Trevor's sake
| S.H. Marr chapter 18 . 3/17
This was definitely better than last chapter. I enjoyed it muchly.
...I'm trying to think of something else to say, but I'm failing. I'm sorry.
*scrolls to try to remember Kyler's last name, I know it was in here somewhere...*
Evans. Okay, Grace Evans. Grace Lynn Evan? Grace Michelle Evans? Grace Angela Evans?
| XXHotSparklesXX chapter 18 . 3/17
Ahhhh! So glad you updated! Kyler and Dex are soo perfect for each other! And Im glad Trev and Ben (who im liking and would like to get to know more about how he feels) are getting together. Cant wait for more love to blossom on Dex's part. Im glad it's actually taking a while, i hate stories that skip right to the "I love yous" for both chars. Lol okay ramble over.
| Fryvi chapter 17 . 12/30/2015
I liked this chapter very much! It was hot and sweet at the same time
| Myst Marshall chapter 7 . 12/29/2015
Wow you captured his emotions so perfectly in this chapter. I could only imagine what it would feel like seeing your rapist again. It sucks that people can get away with things by bribing other people with money. Onwards with my readings!
| Myst Marshall chapter 1 . 12/29/2015
Although I don't usually read slashes, you got me HOOKED with the first chapter already. Mmmmm. Gonna keep reading now. Please keep writing. :)
| S.H. Marr chapter 17 . 12/29/2015
That was a very long speech.
| Saly chapter 16 . 12/15/2015
| XXHotSparklesXX chapter 16 . 12/15/2015
this is beautiful..
| Krlsen chapter 16 . 12/6/2015