Reviews for Puppets
dark-fire-rebel chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
I liked the strong imagery you set. The word choice definitely helped to create that strong imagery and it worked very well. However, the structure makes it a little hard to follow. The punctuation marks and the breaks are sort of awkward. Also, why your choice of writing [cuz] instead of because. It seemed out of place. But, overall I liked it.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
In one of the last lines, I didn't like the word "cuz" - if you do decide to keep it I believe it needs to have an apostrophe before it, like 'cuz, because it's slang. But I found myself wondering why you just didn't write "because" - as there is no other slang in the entire piece and it felt off to me voice and tone-wise.

Anyway, I liked the message of this poem because I thought it was clear and concise with the imagery and the narrative voice. I liked the images in the beginning with the dance best, I think. And I did like the imagery of the glassy eyes - the whole thing had a very creepy vibe to it I think you achieved really well! Overall this was a solid piece, I think it accomplished what it set out to do. And good last two lines too :)
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
You've got a typo in your summary [im] I'm

I don't like the fullstop in the first sentence because it seems to me like an unnecessary pause in the flow, particularly as after the first paragraph, you dramatically drop the usage of fullstops.

I like the line [For the drop] because it could have been an innocent image of someone simply doing that sailing thing (which I can't remember the name of) but it comes out far more sinister with the image of puppets and strings. It's a good image that holds both a physical and a metaphorical face to it.
The Moon Howls At The Wolf chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
This is great! I love the feeling of the inevitable and the immagery of being pushed over the edge by mindless puppets. Keep Writing!
Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Very nice. This poem has a nice message, and a very alluring way with its words. Nicely done, keep it up :D
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
Really interesting and powerful imagery in this piece. The rhyme scheme is generally effective, although some lines are very long while others very short, which throws it off a bit. The lines about the Piper's coke line and about hollow hearts not beating are very effective, though.