|Reviews for LifeClock|
| blueagle246 chapter 1 . 9/23/2012
Great poem! I think it needs to be spaced out more, it looks like one wall of text making it a little hard on the eyes. Also, I can't stand when people use u instead of you. It completely wrecks the flow and just seems out of place.
| ChaiBrad chapter 1 . 8/14/2012
I really really like this one. If I were to get a tattoo, it'd be of some kind of clock because time is so fascinating. You do a great job in conveying the way a lot of people, me at least, think that time is infinite, which it kind of is in a scientific way, but yet we ignore that we have a set time and don't know when it "runs out" and we think, "Oh, I can do [whatever] later. There's enough time." At least, that's what I got from reading this. My favorite lines were the last 4.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
Punctuation/Grammar: I like how you capitalised "Time". It brings out that additional emphasis. What I don't like is...well, it's either the comma in the middle line and the fullstop at the end or you /not/ using punctuation at the end of other lines. The concepts get a bit mushed together. eg . Trick it, get it back
Little did I know] - definitely a break of sorts there, but it reads the same as
[U can] - not the best idea to just throw in shorthand like that.
Word choices: quite interesting. the use of Almighty makes me think of God, the race makes me think of evolution and then there's the hands of time with its eternally ticking clock. Nice choices. And the trickster clown - which I think I am hallucinating, using strong words like "sneak" and "trick" and "tease" compared to the above "tantrum" and "shout"...
Imagery: really nice. God juxtaposing images, starting from the hastily slipping-away to it slowing and meandering all over the place in between, and yet still flowing nicely.
Flow: it felt a little chunky at times, but that may be more to do with the lack of punctuation at the end than anything else, although even with that addition there would still be a jerky flow. It works to an extent, but I think this poem would have worked better /with/ a defined flow. That's just my opinion though.
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Too amazing to deam true. Wow! You are extreamly talented in the arts of poetry. Amazing job, keep it up :D
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
Interesting poem, it sounds a bit like a song. There's a typo at one point where you wrote "U" instead of "you", but the grammar is otherwise good.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
I like the imagery, Great rhythm to it, which fits in with the time theme.
| twilightfan21 chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
great poem. I love the theme.
| scintillate chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
I loved it so much, theme and everything
however, spelling is a little off, like the second to last line u should be you
but i think thats it, minor editing