Reviews for Emptiness
ChaiBrad chapter 1 . 8/14/2012
This is a deep poem that has a lot of detail and meaning. I can't help but feel that maybe the first stanza is the outline for the other three? Like, "Emptiness..within" goes with the voices that one hears in their head, "Emptiness..without" with time since it's something that we can't stop or control, and the "road..frozen" for the last in that there's no more progression of self whether physically, spiritually, or mentally and from where you are on to where you're headed you're by yourself. But I may just be reading too much into it. Love it either way.
ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
There's something I really like about this line:

[And I'm rotting inside.] There's such a sense of self awareness despite the obvious loathing and, well, emptiness the narrator feels. I got a really got feel for the entire poem with this simple line. There's so much a little fragment can do, and it worked well for you in this case.

I wasn't sure how I felt about the question marks in the middle of the passage, but that's just visual. It read fine. :)

ohsocyanide.
Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
Hi from roadhouse!

I love the dark tone of being alone. Your diction helps bring out a emotion of despair, and the retorical questions are a nice touch. My favorite line would be "Vultures strip the flesh from my bones," I just love the image that comes along with it.

Wonderful poem! :D
Winter Blaze chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
Very nice. There are multiple interpretations which is really nice. i like you bring out the concept of death or eternity. I don't know which you meant. Both make perfect sense to me. Keep it up.
B.R. McNair chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
Very nice. Well written and brimming with emotion. I like how your poem can be interpreted multiple ways, as all great poems can be. There's the obvious notion of the pain eternity can bring and the fear we all feel when faced with it, but one could also argue that this poem is about what it's like to actually BE time itself. It just has a lot of connotations that need exploring and thought, which makes this a fine a poem. The only thing I didn't like or that I wish was better was the line "an exit." It broke the meter and sounded a bit off-key. I know it's an important line, but perhaps there's a more fluid way to say it? Anyways, great poem and keep it up.

Peace and love,
B.R. McNair

P.S.- Saw you down at Roadhouse :)
CieloRayn chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
I like how you rhyme the end verse yet nothing else ) and your description is very good.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
[This road that I'm walking has frozen.] -I think it would have been a tad more effective if you added "on" or "upon" or something similar.

I also don't quite like the use of the word "throes" because, in all honestly, it's not a common word, and perhaps (reverberating is somewhat tentative) it's the only unusual word, so it's a little jarring.

I really like the way you've written the last paragraph because it's really brought out the heavy emotion within it. Nicely written.
Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Beautifully done. This poem is too chraming to say anything further, other then superb job. Keep it up :D
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
The emotion in this poem is extremely strong. The last stanza is especially heartbreaking, and the lack of capitals really convey the feeling.