|Reviews for Newcomers|
| Ney13 chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
The conversation is really jumpy. It goes from topic to topic with no flow. Um, I don't really know what to say to help. It's just really awkward.
You don't put much description in the story. It goes by almost a whole school year and I know they're in love, but it doesn't feel that way. It seems like you're rushing to get to the pregnancy. Rushing is a common problem with authors. Heck, even I do it. It would be better if you described their relationship more, putting in some more conversation. I would probably stretch out a good five chapters before she gets pregnant, to show their relationship with each other, family, friends, and enemies. It adds more depth to your story.
I don't see much depth to the characters. They seem fake. To add more depth, you give the characters background stories. What other relationships have they had? Who is in their family? What's a way they handle stress? Give your characters more personality. Just ask your characters questions and, with their personality, give them answers.
You're really focused on the interracial part of the story. It seems like it's a large problem but it shouldn't be. I understand that he's black and she's white. I don't want to be constantly reminded of this fact because I already know.
I'm sorry if this seems really judgmental, but I'm not trying to be. I like teen pregnancy stories and am even working on one myself. That's why I would like to help you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me.