|Reviews for Here Goes Everything|
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/11/2012
O M G GIRL-JUST SHOOT ME NOW-INTENSE AND SUSPENSEFUL-NEARLY DIED! Ok you have me so thoroughly confused my FRIEND BUT A GOOD KIND! You are right, you stated some very good questions which I AM DYING FOR THE ANSWERS! I CANNOT WAIT for the next chapter Hamm-YOU HAVE ME BOUCING AND ROLLING AROUND ANXIOUSLY TO LEARN AND READ MORE!
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS AND EXCEPTIONAL!
| liithiium chapter 2 . 9/1/2012
It seems like this could go somewhere... I like the general idea you're giving me so far. I would try to stay away from obvious foreshadowing, like the last sentence of this chapter. Other than that, your grammar and spelling are really good and I like the banter going between the main character and Andy - especially when she says "Really? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together."
| Alaeryel chapter 2 . 8/27/2012
OK Hamm not sure I could venture a guess right now. I know my mind is leading to something a bit perverse (like rape) but I want to say that isn't it. I have a sick and twisted mind my dear-I experienced that when very young too young so that is always my first response-like I said sick and twisted-SORRY but I will be watching for the next chapter to see what happens-I AM QUITE EXCITED ABOUT THIS STORY TOO! You are GREAT!
| Alaeryel chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
This is starting out very good and has many questions-he seems the perfect kid BUT is he? What is his story? Was he in some major trouble and sent to stay with his cousin and his family to try to straighten him out? Is the one that gets her on the run? ETC ETC ETC! MY CURIOSITY HAS BEEN PIQUED AND I WANT TO KNOW MORE! I will be watching for this one too Hamm-GREAT WRITING AS ALWAYS!
| the clockwork gallery chapter 2 . 7/31/2012
Boys and their pick-up lines... -_-
This is actually one of the few stories on here that has less half the reviews it half deserves. I love it. :) You have great grammar, great voice, etc... But the only thing I suggest is description. Otherwise than that, it's amazing.
| the clockwork gallery chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
Hi! Wow, that was a great start. I saw you on the forum about writing in the future, blahblahblah, so I decided to check you out. This is much better than what authors normally begin with (including myself). So great start!
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
my tight nit group: nits are lice eggs. KNITTING can be loose or tight. Most correctly, this goes like this: ...my tightly knit group... but you can probably get away with ...my tight knit group...
Logic lapse: "...high school and for once in your life you don't know anybody... It's that kind of town where you know half the population by name..." These two statments imply that there are at least two high schools, one the speaker attends and the other were the half of the population she knows by name attends. I know she's a teen, but even so, that's a silly comment.
"So, I'm in a town of stalkers?" He asked jokingly. DO NOT capitalize the first word of the 'who said it' part of a dialogue sentence. More correctly: "So, I'm in a town of stalkers?" he asked jokingly.
_"Audrey Beckett. You're the new kid right? Stuart's cousin?" He nodded. "We've heard a lot about you." He raised an eyebrow._ If Audrey is speaking, keep Andy's actions out of her paragraph. More correctly: "Audrey Beckett. You're the new kid right? Stuart's cousin?"
"We've heard a lot about you."
He raised an eyebrow. And so on. Make every effort NOT TO CONFUSE the readers.