|Reviews for Hunt For Survival|
| infinitee chapter 2 . 7/7/2012
OMGMFJGKLDSALGHJKSFHJASK Janet MOON? MOON YOU SAY? :Q_
Well, enough of that ;) (You know who I am, right?)
But, your story is really great :D I'd have to say chapter 2 is much better than the first one. I think the first one was a little too rushed through
| walls-have-ears chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
Good job on uploading chapter two, but I've got a problem: everyone seems way too laid back, especially when their lives had just been destroyed. It just doesn't seem very scary to me, just a but cheesy.
Maybe you should try and work on elaborating on their feelings a little bit more and making it more sad, rather than happy because it doesnt make sense when everyone is laid back, it just seems they have been oblivious to everything that had just happened. You should consider that.
Nevertheless, I'm still wondering where you will be taking this, and what happens next.
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
The Dude From Outta Town here! WOO IVE BEEN WAITING FOR CHAPTER 2 TO COME OUT! I Have to agree with The Devil's Allure. Eve and Alkyrie didn't seem very concerned about her when Ama found the makrs on her so i felt like that was a bit strange. Also, i thought that you could've given more detail and expanded on how Eve was feeling hungry. You could've added in some more emotion in it. You didn't leave this chapter at a cliff hanger like the last, however i think the readers would be quite interested in what happens in the next chapter (;. Apart from all that, IM LOVING IT! :D WOO CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER
| The Devils Allure chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
I like this. I do think it could have been longer, though - the search for refuge could have been a bit more detailed. And neither Valkyrie or Eve seemed particularly concerned for Janet, nor did Janet seem very afraid. I think I'd be shitting bricks if some strange woman with a gun decided to lock me in a basement with a threat to never let me out.
Besides that, I like it. It flows better than the last chapter. Is Tyrell based on someone or was he just added in?
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Hey, The Outcast Angel! It's actually The Dude From Outta Town here, but i kinda forgot my password . Anyways, i love it! Its brilliant. Loving how the suspence builds. Can't wait till u actually finish the whole story D
| walls-have-ears chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
The first chapter got me interested, well done on that and you left it at a cliffhanger.
The only problem I have, is that you made it flow too fast; everything was crammed into one chapter and I don't think that was completely necessary. You could've split it into two, relatively long chapters, and characterised the mother and the father a little bit more, including Valk.
Nevertheless, I'm still interested in this and I want to know where you will take this.
| Fongki chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
This story has already so much suspense that keeps the reader going. It makes someone want to read more! Good job :)
Also, just a little critic that you probably won't need: You have used lots of emotions, but the part where she kills her dad does not seem quite realistic to me. Still, you used a lot of personifications and metaphors and etc. :D
Waiting for the next chapter!
| The Devils Allure chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
Love it. D Your summary doesn't make sense, though. 'Don't look back when running' and 'don't turn back when running' is pretty much the same thing. There were a few issues with capitalisation, full stops and commas, but overall a job well done.
Oh, and another thing. The line 'I had a small part in my mind telling me it had something to do with the government' gives away too much. It's the first chapter - you can't tell us all the government is involved yet. It needs to build up to that thought.
The scene with her parents was a bit too fast, as well. There wasn't any real emotion in it. She needs to hesitate, to think. You need to describe what she feels in detail, what she hears, what she smells, what she feels touch-wise as well as what you've already described - what she can see and some basic feelings. What was the expression on her dads face as well as pain? Was he crying? Was he scared? How did she feel? Did her heart constrict, her hands shake, her thoughts get all jumbled up?
I'm not sure, though - did her dad die? 'Cause he yelled at her to run after she stabbed him.
Let me know if anything I said offends you. :) Good luck with future chapters!