|Reviews for Lab Rat|
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 7 . 8/7/2012
You are awesome, Carina, y'know that? xD
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 6 . 8/7/2012
Oh. OH. THAT'S how the Voice kills people. D8
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 5 . 8/7/2012
Yay! Tirza has a buddy now! Time to plan a daring escape
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 4 . 8/7/2012
Freeeeeaky D: Who's Seran? Who's the boy?! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?! So much drama.
I have been very, very bad about checking my author alerts...sowwy. :C
| Temple7 chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
love the storie as well as the voice
| TinfoilKnight chapter 4 . 7/13/2012
I don't care for the length of that little experiment scene, I'd rather you flesh it out with details and dialogue and make it into a full fledged grown-ass scene. Hey, maybe that'd be a nice place to slip in some characterization of Arzak/Azrak/what'shisface and his plans for world domination or whatever.
Ha, you should have him talk about his lunch break while he's experimenting on her. Villains have lunch breaks, too.../randompointlesssuggestion
"...a single tear leaps out of my eye and flees down my face." Ooh, I'm loving this line! Nice personification, it really makes it stand out.
"Despite the circumstances, we've been ordered to give you a little extra freedom, seeing how you've only tried to escape once this week. We have to let you walk this last corridor by yourself, but I'm less than happy about it." LOLwhut? XD I like the random bit of humor. This kind of shows the relationship between her and the gaurds, too. They're both kind of trapped there, I guess.
Been nice reviewing you! Remember to check out the link to the Review Marathon in my profile, and have a lovely day!
| TinfoilKnight chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
"The jingle-jangle of the warden's keys is getting closer as he moves down the corridor..." Nice detail. I love the sound imagery.
"I nearly choke on the chunk of meat-like stuff I was chewing..." Yep, the processed meat by-product. This is a realistic detail. :P Why would they feed them real food, anyway.
Heehee. You know those pellets they feed primates, the ones that look like alfalfa pellets? Now I want to read/write a story with human experiments that eat those...
I'm seeing some black and white in the characters, now - looks like Ruke is going to be inherently good, if a little annoying. The voice is also good, the gaurds are evil, etc. Where are the gray characters? I want to see characters that do bad things because they just need the money for their families, or characters that do good things with the wrong intentions. I want to see chracters with their own seperate goals and motivations, ones that maybe don't directly involve the main character.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
"The Voice's words are broken and slurred from exhaustion; the neverending experiments are wearing it down." I like this because it shows a little about the voice - it does get tired, so we caan assume that it is at least somewhat human-ish, not computer generated.
There are some descriptions I really like in here: "My hands reflexively clench into fists as several stiff metal wires extend from the helmet and rest on my shaved head." and the detail about his shoes. It's a nice balance of description, I think. There's not so much that it gets in the way of the story, but there's enough that I can picture it clearly in my head.
"...his eyes burning with unmistakable hate." Uh-oh. Do you really want to go there? This line worries me because it shows Arzak in a rather... evil light. I don't want to see him turn into generic Evil!villain number 294921 or whatever. Try adding some humanity to him. What's his motivation? Does he have good intentions, at least? Does he have a fiance or anyone else he loves? I feel like realistic villains are scarier than the flat, evil kind, becuase then Arzack could be that ccreepy guy next door for all you know.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Hello from the Review Marathon! Link in my profile.
Hey, I like the length of this chapter. Short and sweet.
Interesting idea for a chapter! It really shows how desparate for freedom this character is, while also revealing details about the institution and the inmmates. I'm already very interested in this story.
"It's not much, but it's an extra two seconds of freedom." This sentence sums up the chapter perfectly.
I guess niether the voice nor the research facility are very original concepts for a story, but this chapter has convinced me to keep reading and see what your take on this is. Nice job!
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 3 . 7/10/2012
Ohmigawd he's MAGIC. 8D
How would a Voice go about escaping? 8
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 2 . 7/10/2012
SEE, TEACHERS? Zoning out is HELPFUL!
| Minastauriel Dragonfriend chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
You'r back! And I've been neglecting FP :( Sowwy. This is totally awesome so far, though! Go Tirza!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
So glad to see more! Cannot wait to see what happens next!
| GlobalWarmingandCrayonDrawings chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Funny, and so good, keep writing or I'll light your pants on fire! I'm so wierd, right?