|Reviews for Snakes and Snails|
| Reena chapter 1 . 11/25/2013
Five yr old Derik and Quan are definitely very cute and their first meeting so innocent and adorable.
| incrediblectopus chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
They are more than 'kina' cute.
| Cheeky Winchester chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
Haha, this is so cute. Baby Quan and Derik arguing :3
Lol they played baseball with a rock! What even? Haha _
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
It was very cute. It’s nice to see the beginning of the journey that these two will go on. First off I liked how the narrative fit the ages. It was adult – I don’t want to say that it sounded like a kid wrote it, or sounded childish – but it was about children and it come across that way (in a good way) I may not be making sense here, but I appreciated it. I also liked how you mirrored the later stories about sports (I remember them playing football in high school and Quan’s sports scholarship in the last section) its interesting how you play around with these two. I like them but it might be better if they were collected and compiled. They’re obviously important to you, otherwise you wouldn’t continue to create these pieces, so maybe its time to keep going. Nice job overall.
P.S. – when are you going to update TWITW or TDLB? I am dying for more on these two… Keep writing!
| heyitsstupidme chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
Yup, it's really cute. Some fluff once in a while is great. :)
| moon-skittles chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
This was cheesy, yes, but also very very cute. I like your description of Quan's eyes. Derik's characterization as a child is perfect, too. I love how you describe his thoughts on adults.
| LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
I like the character of Derik because he is a playful child and reminds me of what it was like to be younger. I also like the interactions between Quan and Derik because they have a unique friendship since they are both learning about the other cultures. It is a good one-shot.
| Afan chapter 1 . 9/27/2012
I thoroughly enjoy every story about Derik and Quan, cheesy or fluffy or sweet or whatever, they always leave a warm feeling after I read them so you keep on churning them out and I will always be looking forward to them. Thank you.
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 9/24/2012
Oh, my God. That was adorable.
First of all, the dialogue was epic. You had the voices straight down, and I heard the conversation in my head.
Secondly, your narrative is also pretty good, the things you chose to describe really brought life to the story without flogging me with setting.
Also-being able to speak Chinese-I quite enjoyed the Chinese you had, it made it really authentic and made it fun.
I am really in love with this, great work!
| einekleineschreiberin chapter 1 . 9/23/2012
So cute:) I love it.
| Jax Creation chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Hello from the Roadhouse :)
This is, simply put, just adorable :3 Whilst I'm not a great fan of yaoi/slash, I do find shonen-ai to be quite cute.
I really like the tone of narration here. It's very blunt, very matter-fact, wry in some places, all accentuated by the use of present-tense. I do like seeing stories written in present as opposed to past, I find it very refreshing.
The dialogue is excellent - love the argument about how Quan should speak English instead of Chinese. "Yes." "No." "Yes." "No." — hehe, so cute!
Subscribing to this one :)
| the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
I apologize for taking so long to return your review for "Survival Techniques" (thanks for that, by the way! XD). Unfortunately I had some personal issues to take care of. But anyway, here's my review:
I really like the style here - how you decided to go with 3rd person perspective and present tense. Not too many people do that, but I'm a sucker for different styles so it works for me. I think it does well to keep things simple and "innocent," which is effective since this is about a child.
I also really like the simplicity itself. So many "budding love" stories attempt to make things complex and angsty, but you keep everything grounded and, yes, cute. Perhaps a bit cheesy, but sweet and enjoyable. The dialogue was especially endearing, and I think the Chinese integrated with English was well-handled. Usually pulling off that kind of thing is difficult, but you managed to do it, so kudos. :)
As for criticisms, I think a few of the words could be tampered with a bit. "Communicating any information," for instance, sounds a bit too technical. "Forceful cajoling" comes across as a bit awkward; I think maybe it would have been better to describe the "cajoling," or perhaps use another word like "coaxing." These are small qualms, however. The vast majority of your word choices I think are very fitting.
As a sidenote, I almost died laughing at this part: "Quan stoops, retrieving something – apparently of interest – and returns with…a rock. Or a large pebble, depending." Hahaha, that's just too good! :P
Well done! I enjoyed reading and reviewing this story. Keep up the great work! You're definitely a talented writer. :)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 9/17/2012
To be honest, I don't quite like the narration at the beginning of this. While it is in third person pov, it doesn't seem to reflect on the Derik you portrayed early on; it becomes tricky when you focus so much on children in a narrative as they're not like adults, but it just didn't seem suitable in the current context. "cajoling" and "unremitting " don't seem like words a normal five year old would be familiar with, and for all means and purposes you've introduced Derik as an ordinary five year old. Not comparing to my niece this time - she's more half of Eve's inspiration. And since you never really come back to the first couple of paragraphs, it feels more geared towards setting up the pre-slash than anything else, and that shouldn't be necessary when talking in present tense.
I really like how you introduced Quan though; there's a nice balance between childish naivite and the black-white sort of view of the world there, particularly when talking about the different languages.
["Ba…si…bo…"] - that should probably have a question mark.
| marginal-utility chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
Aw. This story was very sweet, you have likeable characters and realistic situations. I loved the dialogue between Quan and Derik, especially their debate over Derik speaking Chinese. That part was cute and realistic for kids that age, but also quite thought-provoking - obviously not everyone in America speaks English, and yet it is taken for granted that everyone *should*. You did an excellent job of having different layers of meaning in the text, such as Derik noticing details which mean more to the reader than they do to him - for example, Quan's house not having toys or a pool like his own does. And Derik's observation that adults tend to have quiet meaningless conversations - very true, and the kind of insight a small child would have but which adults tend to overlook.
"At five-years-old, he's of the firm belief that clothes in general are a waste of time. People ought to avoid them altogether when it's warm and simply stay inside when it's cold, and the concept of 'looking nice for company' escapes him entirely. Why grown-ups are so picky about naked bits is also beyond him, but wrestling his parents in order to stay undressed has never gone well in the past, and he's more or less come to accept that sometimes standing in uncomfortable, stupid-looking, and itchy clothes is an unavoidable evil of life." Right from the start, your character has a strong voice and your writing style is filled with humor that makes the reader excited for more.
The section about Derik wanting to make Quan smile as often as possible was another of my favourite parts. It makes me find Derik very likeable, and makes me interested to know about what life will be like for these characters in the future.
I think it's great that you write stories like this and get a feel for different stages in your characters' lives. It makes for very well-rounded and interesting characters. I look forward to reading more of your writing!