Reviews for hopeless romantics
TheBlueSabbath chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
Your works are truly wonderful
Phibonacci chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
This struck a huge chord for me. I love it.
TheGlycoprotein chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
Wow... this is simply awe-inspiring. You certainly capture the idea of being a hopeless romantic only to divert suddenly to complete reality at the end - a really shocking turn. I'm also glad that you decided not to use any capitals - usually a pet peeve of mine - however it just adds a real emphasis to the words, where I just don't think capitals would. Brilliant piece!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/14/2012
The ending was great. Really powerful and unexpected. I like how it was short and the point. It was a great contrast to the long winded part about all the good things.

I did think the way you described hopeless romantics positively was also really good. You used cliches, but in a different way and it had a bit of cynicism, but not too much that it seemed bitter. It was (like I said) a really great contrast to the end.

Again check out the Review Game! Their Review Marathon is being my incentive to return reviews this weekend. (links in my profile).
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 7/8/2012
[you missed me and can't live without/
me and need me and want to hold me/
tell me how unattainable i am and/
pathetic you are and let's play]

The only thing that really threw me off in this poem was the transition from the line: 'me and need me and want to hold me' to 'tell me how unattainable i am and'

Keep in mind I don't write poetry and don't really read it very often. But I think the reason the transition between these two lines caught me off guard was because it goes from one thought into another without a break through stanzas or punctuation. I know that aside from the dashes there is no punctuation in this, so maybe split that stanza in half? I don't know if there's a deeper meaning to the way the poem is formatted, though, so my suggestion may be completely stupid, I have no idea, haha.

But aside from that, everything else was beautiful. I thought your opening line was great with the schizophrenic smiles. I liked the alliteration, and I always love the prospect of madness (as I'm sure is pretty obvious), so I thought it was a great opening. It immediately caught my attention and pulled me in, demanding all my interest.

I also thought the ending stanza did a great job circling back to the beginning. You hint toward 'swallowing' a pistol's cold barrel, so this makes me think of murder or suicide - and both of these can be attributed to madness with the schizophrenia. So I thought that was a great way to end it, and it was so drastically different from all the other supposedly 'romantic' images. I think it did a great job satirizing what it means to be a hopeless romantic... because that whole 'love at first sight' shit has always gotten on my nerves.

[to hear other than the voice in my head]

I really liked this line too, because it, again, goes back to the insanity theme being told between the lines. I'm getting the impression the narrator is trying to compare being a hopeless romantic to being insane.

Great job. :)
Punslinger chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Your typing may be lower case, but your writing is
capital, as usual.

"pity me with schizophrenic smiles..." "swallow the
pistol's cold barrel..." With such a powerful opening
and closing, it's astonishing that you could keep up
the level of intensity from one to the other. Like
pie filling between crusts. Tastey and filling.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
this is gorgeous. keep up the lovely writings sweetie.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Sometimes-in the darkness,
Ahead, a light shines.
A glimpse of heaven,
A gift from Divine.
Adam joins Eve
And, together they find...
Less than forever
Could never
Enough Time.
electrical moon chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Great poem! I love the no caps (although that's kind of obvious from my work). Really powerful last line.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
I simply love this;from beginning and especially at the end. Nice twist.