|Reviews for Zero Hour|
| Orion Ehra chapter 22 . 6/21/2013
Wait ... three readers ... that means I'm in a group. ... Not sure how to feel about this.
| Anneka chapter 22 . 6/21/2013
Mina is starting to hate Jinx? Nooo :( Minx is my favourite!
Seb! No! Seir is a poo. I want to be rude to him and he isn’t even a real person.
Yay Jinx is a good person :) Minx is going well…
'You know something I have never understood about you Mina,' Lyra said quietly, 'you're petrified of heights, yet you have a thing for tall guys.' BEST LINE EVER omg
I really love Lyra and Toby together
Also, Lynamira sounds kind of like a ship name. and you know Lyra and Mina are the cutest friend!ship. ever.
Hahaha I love how Ally doesn’t react to Orion taking his shirt off. I ship them a ridiculous amount and I would like to see Orion with his shirt off… creepy, you say?
I adore this story, you know that. I think I am overly invested in the emotional lives of some of these characters... but that's not a bad thing, is it? Surely not.
I'll be away, so I won't get your update, but I am looking forward to reading more when I get back!
| Hungergamezluver chapter 22 . 6/19/2013
Finally I've been waiting for another chapter. I lover this chapter so funny especially the parts of Orion being on his sugar rush. It's good to see Mina and Lyra bonding whilst other students around. I loved how I read more on seb but I want Ally still lovely chapter. I hope Jinx doesn't get too much on Minas nerves and hope there's more of a bond for Toby and Lyra and as for Alion I love it sooo much. Selina hope you have/had a great time at camp, your lucky you get to go at my school we only went for years 4-6.
Keep updating :D
| Orion Ehra chapter 22 . 6/19/2013
*effects. You can affect something, and something can have an effect. Seb has a strong jumper, mind telling me where to get one? Egg-head is usually used to describe intelligent people. Insulting who? Anorexics? Giving tea … to a person who reacts in that sort of way to caffeine … no problems there. Also yes, I presume you are trying to show Doctor Champion in a certain light (hopefully not that of the one in Ice Station) and I'm not sure what I'm seeing, so I would like the opinion of those who created him.
Also, It would appear I am the anti-Orion in this case, sugar and caffeine have no effect on me. Notice 'effect'. That will be all
| Rsquare chapter 22 . 6/18/2013
I want to know what happens next. Please update. Oh and on to the reveiw.
It was really good. I love the story line and plot. I like how you are easing into the plot.
I don't know why you don't use " when they are supposed to be used for speaking. And ' are supposed to be used for thoughts.
And thats all she wrote.
| Orion Ehra chapter 21 . 5/29/2013
Good, just making sure you knew the facts. Also, thank you for the insight into claustrophobia, I will find a way to use this to my advantage in the future.
Also, good job showing a weakness in the jock, I can presume that this will be used against him in a much more harmful way in the future. By the way, how have you been trying to portray the good doctor? Don't judge me, you've already seen my difficulties with these sorts of things.
Interesting chapter, not sure how I feel about you raising the IQ of the popular person. Not much, but enough to make me have to alter my view on her, which I find annoying. Why she would choose to give people she despises powers befuddles me, would she not get people who would refuse to harm her? But I guess that's why I felt the IQ was not raised too much.
| Hungergamezluver chapter 21 . 5/28/2013
FINALLY! I have been looking forward for another chapter for ages. Woah woah woah what's with Scarlett and her dad knowing that ally, Orion, Lyra, seb, Toby and Mina have powers as I like to call them, that was a really intrestig part and has got me excited for the next chapter wich should be updated soon *hint* *hint* I wanted more Orion and ally but great chapter can't wait for the next one :D
| Anneka chapter 21 . 5/28/2013
Okay, yes, it's been a while, but this more than made up for it.
Love the whole camp scene. Tiff is infuriatingly familiar - every camp instructor I've ever had, maybe?
I also adore how Jinx came along. Yay, Minx (good ship name, no?)
And Seb's new friends!? Yay you cutie pie :)
SCARLETT: BIGGEST PLOT TWIST EVER. Even bigger than that time in Mean Girls when Regina George turned over the photo and it was herself... anyway, back to the point - WOW. I did NOT call that one.
She CHOSE the people who were going to get the powers? Why did she choose Mina?
I am so excited for the next update omg
| Little Bit Loopy chapter 15 . 4/26/2013
I’m back! I loved the opportunity to learn more about Riley and the introduction to Ian, they’re hilarious characters, as well as bringing back in Mr Anderson who I can’t help but feel sorry for, I mean, with the group of insanity driven teenagers in his school, I feel more sorry for him than I did for my own principal when someone covered the floor of his office with water balloons!
Ally: “Is this your dad? You look so much like each other, it's cool. Except for your ears, they're different.” Ally is such a sweetheart, she really is, from what you said about Ian, he’s the type of guy who people are easily intimidated by, but Ally must see him like a little puppy! It was a good moment for her even if there wasn’t too much Allyness in this chapter.
Jinx: “Well I thought I'd take one of your very shiny cars for a little test run, then I decided that it might be a nice thing to do to pick my little roomie and his buddies up from their day-care centre,” Jinx may have only had the one moment this chapter, but he managed to completely make the chapter with it, he really is making the most out of the situation, well by the most I mean making as much hell as he can possibly make out of it!
Lyra: “I'd agree with him if he hadn't already screwed Scarlett.” This was a brilliant Lyra line but my favourite moment whether it would be obvious or not that I’d love it, is the flashback, you can tell how much she cares about Mina, and part of me can’t help but feel that if no one had been watching Lyra would have done a happy dance when she found out that Mina’s bunking with her.
Mina: “Usually yes, but not now, my rep has already taken enough hits today, and now Scarlett will be asking questions.” I felt kind of sorry for Mina throughout the chapter, it’s kind of hard not to, someone who she probably does regard as a friend freaks out about nothing, insults her, and forces her out of the group, adding to the fact that Jinx really wasn’t helping at the last section, it just wasn’t her day. But my favourite moment was her practically talking through her teeth at Jinx, I mean really she likes him, a lot, but he’s just being nothing but an ass.
Orion: “Not why should I ask Ally, why am I an idiot... this time?” There was a lot of Orion in this chapter, and I really hope to whatever deity that actually exists that he asks Ally to the ball! It would be so cute! The favourite moment has to be him talking to Jay and getting interrupted by Riley, they seem like really good friends and seeing that Orion is capable of joking around with someone other than Lyra.
Seb: ...Where did you put my baby? I know he was there in that last scene but he didn’t say a word!? Where is my baby?
Toby: “GET. IN. THE. CAR. NOW” Toby was barely in the chapter either, but he did manage to steal some attention with some fast, witty lines in the last section, but there needs to be more of him.
In short, it was a good chapter, but I think you need to bring up our interaction with some of the characters who disappeared, I can see why you’d need to with giving a big introduction to Ian and a proper intro to Riley, but I need by Sebby there and Toby as well! And more Ally! I like Ally!
-Little Bit Loopy-
| Little Bit Loopy chapter 14 . 4/25/2013
May I just say the lack of Mina in the last chapter was more than made up for in this one? I mean really, gotta love her for this, she’s brilliant. And I love her family as well! She’s really the only one other than Ally who has a entirely complete family, I mean Orion, doesn’t have his mum, Lyra’s parents are well... somewhere, same with Toby’s, Seb’s having issues, and as for Jinx (who I loved from the moment you introduced him) who the hell knows? You seem very comfortable with screwing up people’s family life, kudos!
Now, I get to add a new character to my log of quotes and highlights! Woo!
Ally: “They were amazing! They were so shiny and sparkly! They were pretty and I just loved them-” it was a very clear character moment there, very descriptive on who Ally is as a person. But it had to be the best Ally moment when she just started dancing through the bubbles and butterflies in the middle of the street, it really did show how care free she can be!
Lyra: “Well to sum this up in one word. Shit.” It really made a point of how blunt Lyra can be, and it brought quite a bit of light to the situation, making me snort with laughter before I read on at the most accelerated rate possible. But her best moment had to be her discovery of Jinx’s abilities, where would they be without Lyra?... Oh right... not in this mess in the first place, oh well.
Mina: “It's not dedicated to the fact you two don't get along, it's dedicated to the fact that you two belong together,” This is why I love Mina, she’s the fan girls perspective in the story, she sees it just as plainly and obvious I do! But her best moment had to be with her family, I love the Amor family so much, I think you’ve perfectly cast her parents, you can see how a cop and a interior designer ended up with a child like Mina, I don’t know why, it just makes sense, there are so many brilliant Mina moments in the chapter but this one stole my heart, I just love her and her family so much!
Orion: “My tact and delicacy is to be admired.” It was such an amazing line, it was so epically Orion that I died slightly, it was so amazing! But favourite moment has to be him taking care of Ally, funny how he’s the only one who notices that she’s frozen her mouth together, it’s sweet, but then again him slinging Lyra over his shoulder and trying to reason with her is ridiculously funny.
Seb: “Well we're all allowed to make mistakes! Just because yours are more frequent than mine doesn't mean you have to be this shocked!” I love how you’ve made the characters so distinct that you can write a bunch of speech with no names attached and you can easily tell who is who. But Seb’s accidental levitations (plural!) were hilarious, he seems to be the most prone to using his abilities, but he seems to be getting better at using them, apart from Jinx he’d probably be the best at it so far.
Toby: “He huh? Mina is this yet another of your "he's attractive thus he is god," charades? Because I have dealt with enough of those,” Toby continues to be more and more amusing by the second, with crash tackling Jinx, teleporting on top of him, picking up lies, complaining with Lyra about Mina and then being forced to give Jinx a room, it’s hard to pick a sole Toby moment that I loved more than the others.
And dah dah dah dah dah DAH! Presenting Loopy’s thoughts on Jinx! He shall have his own little spot below Ally (I’m doing it alphabetically to avoid favoritism, don’t worry, I love them all) but seeing as I have so much to say about Jinx, it was necessary to give him the space he needed.
“A twenty hm? I'll dine on rice cakes and tap water tonight and think greatly of you.”
“Mandy? Gina? Miranda? Something like that...”
“Mina huh? I knew it was something along those lines... wait what did that girls say about me sleeping on park benches?”
“Are you two dating? Because I have never seen anything more sickly sweet.”
“Hey, it's more fun being a grouch.”
“Hm, that's a tricky one- You know I just noticed how nice this place is.”
“Well, what do you say roomie?”
Jinx is the king of one liners, I mean seriously you managed to give him such a clear personality with very little effort that you can’t help but love him very quickly. Tie that in with how in love with him Mina is already, and you’ve got an epic combo, of epicness! And yes that is the only way to describe it.
I love him so much, and can’t wait to see more!
-Little Bit Loopy-
| Little Bit Loopy chapter 13 . 4/22/2013
Let me just say before I launch into my full review of Chapter 13, that I love Ally’s family, and your introduction to them is always epic by describing the chaos they cause gives small insight to their personality without having to go to the full extent of giving them full descriptions and overboard introductions to their personalities, it’s a very clever way to write. Well onto the chapter, with my favourite lines and moments for each of the characters!
Ally: “I didn't? I thought I told you... Or maybe I imagined I told you, that wouldn't be unusual, I forget a lot of things and image I did them later.” It was classic Ally, but her best moment has to be her relationship with her brother Finn, he seems like a nice guy, I like him, their sweet little back and forth was heartwarming.
Lyra: “But with my luck I won't be able to touch anything soon enough.” This was my favourite because for the first time it showed that Lyra felt vulnerable, that she felt like she wasn’t in control which must have freaked her out. This brings me to my favourite Lyra moment in the chapter, her breakdown, I mean really, it’s hard not to feel for her there! Seriously! Poor thing, she’s got enough on her plate without feeling like she’ll never be able to touch anything again!
Mina “Because you won't, so I'll shed your tears for you!” This showed how clear it was that Mina’s a good friend, and it was also my favourite Mina moment in a rather Mina-less chapter, but I had to love her there, I mean it’s near impossible not to.
Orion: “Look, so we've figured out what's happening, and that's all good, which leaves us with two things left to figure out, how do we control what's happening to us... and most importantly of all... why?” It was also a very Orion-less chapter as well, but at the same time he managed to get one of the most mood-setting lines in the entire chapter, it shows the main conflict of the book, or at least I think it does, it’s the biggest question so far, why is this happening to them? Along with the whole” how will they learn to put up with each other?” question.
Seb: “Thank you universe, I love you to!” This says a lot about Seb’s life, and I feel so sorry for him, I mean I don’t think its overly common in America for kids to have jobs, and Seb seems like he’d be there, a lot. His best moment has to be collapsing at the door and his little talk with Manuel, I don’t know why but I think Manuel likes Seb more than he likes the others, not that he doesn’t like them, he just seems more partial to Seb.
Toby: “And I still question why I hate football?” It nearly died laughing when I read this, I mean, it’s hilarious! Seriously, it says a lot about Toby but even more about what he doesn’t even seem to realise about himself. And as for his best moment, it would have to be the bit where he wasn’t talking, when he was just thinking, it showed more about how Toby’s mind works and how he deals with things than any other moment up to this point, and you really start to see him as a more likable character (I love him anyway of course, but that may have more so to do with the other stories I’ve read about him in)
So another epically epic chapter! See you next review!
Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
-Little Bit Loopy-
| Little Bit Loopy chapter 12 . 4/21/2013
After coming to a realisation of how long the last review was, I think I’ll go back to my old method of just rambling in a less organised structure! And hopefully my hands don’t die along the way! The two sections in this chapter were hilarious, and thinking back on your previous version of these scenes, I think it’s clear how much you’ve improved as writers!
Lyra and Toby were in such an interesting dynamic with each other that I can’t wait for them to be in forced cooperation with them even more. Lyra shows the ability to act like a normal teenage girl which in a way makes me idolize her even more, because she could fit in, but she has absolutely no interest in fitting in at all, and would rather be herself, an ability I don’t think Lyra has shown in any other story, the ability to be normal. She manages to flirt her way into a location, and Falcon seems to be a decent guy, opposed to Lucas who is a bastard. Can’t help but like the idea of shirtless Toby, mwa ha ha! Lyra and Toby’s back and forth responses were so amusing that it made me ship them even harder! And the fact he defends her from the pervert without even thinking about it. Lyra continues to be shameless about violating what most people would consider a reasonable boundary. Lyra’s wrong? What is this wrong thing you speak of? “Your feelings shall be acknowledged but dismissed as irrelevant,” is the best line of all time, it’s a brilliant summary of Lyra’s attitude. And Toby’s slight almost jealousy is adorable. Lyra and Toby’s back and forth is amazing, and it’s hard not to love their conversations.
This next section was filled with so many great moments that I hardly know where to begin! So how about each character’s best moment?
Ally: “Does your tummy do the weird "swishy swashy floppy fish" when you teleport?” I don’t know what that means, but I loved that line so much! But her moment in the chapter has to be her yelling into the intercom!
Lyra: “Maybe he's been taken by Jack the Ripper? What? Don't give me that look, I happen to be a direct descendant.” Her best line, but her best moment in this section was duct taping Toby!
Mina: “Anyone else exhibiting unexplainable supernatural signs? Because I'm not and it is so not fair,” that was Mina’s best line, it was amazing, only Mina would say something like that! And her faint has to be her best moment!
Orion: “Do you have holographic chairs by chance Toby? Or should I be concerned about the water?” Orion’s best moment has to be his mini-breakdown.
Toby: His best line has to be “I'm not awake, I'm not even freakin' awake, this is a nightmare, I just have to wait it out and maybe everything will go away.” But his best moment is a toss up between falling down the stairs, and him threatening Seb, I don’t know why it was a good moment, but it shows why they have such a hard time believing that he means them no harm. But then again, him being nice to Ally was also amazing!
Such a great chapter, with such great characters, and filled with amazing one liners! So in other news, I’ve possibly found my new format for reviews, the best moment and the best line is my new plan! Ha ha!
-Little Bit Loopy-
| Orion Ehra chapter 20 . 4/21/2013
First things first, for chapter 19, Orion's eye would have swollen shut, bruising shut, as far as I know, is a medical improbability.
Second, if Orion is claustrophobic, wouldn't it be more difficult for him to go in a car than the bus? It's a smaller space.
Good job, Ehra out.
| Little Bit Loopy chapter 11 . 4/21/2013
Loopy is back with her tirade of reviews! I’ll review whenever I can but my work is giving me so many shifts lately it is ridiculous, you’d think they actually like me there, but no, I’m just the cheapest per hour! At this point of time, seeing as such distinct characters are emerging, I think I’ll just do this review and maybe the next couple by character:
Ally: Her ignorance and naivety is completely endearing, and it continues to make her more adorable than ever. Most authors would find it hard to make someone as innocent as Ally appear anything else but annoying, but you’ve managed to make her the heart of the group, a complete sweetheart, you’ve done a great job writing her. Her complete confusion over her hair changing colours showed that shows that she’s self conscious which made her more relatable than ever. Seeing her with Orion made me ship them harder than ever, she manages to completely disregard the abnormality of his eyes glowing, and yet still be completely freaked out by her own hair changing colours, it was typical Ally. And the Glasgow smile being referenced again! Oh and I can’t help but wonder why Ally was so surprised that Orion actually listened to her, I have a bad feeling about that... BUT GOTTA LOVE THE ALLYNESS!
Lyra: She’s so brilliant, she’s my idol, she has absolutely no filter, and no shame and I love it! I mean really, I wish I could say some of the things that come out of her mouth. She protects Seb constantly and manages to put the jocks in their place without batting an eyelid. Also her constant vendetta against Toby is could really see the friendship between her and Mina in the texting session, and she texts in perfect English, which is amazing to see! I love that more than just about anything else! TRAPPED IN AN ICE CREAM FACTORY! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE! And I can’t blame her for her reaction to Toby having a butler, that’d be like out of this world. But I also love how she just decides that it’s her job to fetch Toby.
Mina: Mina to the rescue! She shows that she isn’t as much of an idiot as she lets on in this chapter, she’s a smart girl with her own special knowlege set. Mina is like the fangirl’s perspective in the story, she sees the same ships we do! And I love her for every second of it! I can’t help but wonder how she puts up with Scarlett, I mean let’s face it, Scarlett’s a colossal bitch, she can’t stand having anything not go her way, I don’t know how Mina deals with that every day! Mina manages to win an argument with Lyra, I didn’t know that was possible for that to happen. I also can’t help but think it’s a real testament to Mina that she is completely unphased by Toby’s wealth and continues to be just friends with him even though plenty of girls would date him just for his money. She is a good friend, and a brilliant character!
Orion: He manages to prrove that he is an observant guy and a great friend, it was so sweet that he just charges after Ally without a second thought of what everyone might think about it. He just stands their waiting for her, hoping she’ll be able to open up to him, and in turn manages to reveal something that would freak anyone else out, and talk more in one go then I think he has in the whole book so far. He is so sweet to her, I love them so much together! Lyra and Orion lcoked in an ice cream factory? Now that sounds like fun! Orion has really managed to open up as a person in this chapter and the character development is going really well, especially with him.
Toby: Toby may have only had one scene in this chapter, but he still manages to steal it, he proves to be a decent guy when he chooses to, but still keep up the same level of banter with Lyra. He get’s hurt and doesn’t get angry at Seb for it, and he proves that like Mina, he’s a lot smarter than he let’s on, I mean really up till now he’s the only one who’s had any idea of what’s going on, he’s extremely observant and extremely calm. God I love him, he only gets better as time goes by.
Seb:MY BABY! WHY YOU TRY TO HURT MY BABY! I felt so sorry for him in the beginning, I mean really, didn’t that idiot realise that throwing a paper weight at someone’s head could kill them! Seb’s reaction of “please don’t hurt me” when he didn’t intentionally hurt anyone was so heartbreaking! And how scared he is of Toby, even when he’s being oddly nice to him. I love him so much! And how he thinks it’s all an intervention, poor dear! And Toby’s place must seem like a palace in comparison to what he’s used to, and imagine that, someone finally knows how to pronounce his name! Imagine that, I mean mine’s far too common, but judging by one of my friends whose name is never pronounced right, I know that it would mean a lot.
So all in all a remarkably genius chapter, I love you two more than ever! On to the next chapter!
-Little Bit Loopy-
| Hungergamezluver chapter 20 . 4/19/2013
I check this fan fic and I find 3 chapters to read I am so happy, my review is on all 3. I absoloutley love it when ally and Orion have their talks alone and it was sweet how he only told ally about his mother by the way I was teary while reading that part. So happy Mina, Lyra and ally are in the same cabin I was looking forward for the camp chapter and as for orion and jay good luck to them hopefully Toby will stop things from getting out of hand. I wonder where sebs cabin is. And as for jinx he is a total jerk im curious about Minas feelings towards him. All 3 chapters were great keep updating.