Reviews for In my Head
dark-fire-rebel chapter 1 . 9/23/2012
I liked it a lot because it has a nice rhythm to the poem. I also liked it because the conveyed feelings are very relatable.
Abbi4Raie chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
I like that it rhymes because I have recently been writing a rhyming poem and the second verse wont work out, although the first was accidental.
I like the way it is written because because (at least to me) it makes you feel almost like you are the one that is confused, even if you didn't purposely do that.
Luckycool9 chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
I liked this poem because if its narrative, the way the narrator shows. i also like this poem because it explores someone's mind and how it is being destroyed from the inside. To my favorites this goes.
B.R. McNair chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
Again, a great poem. And again able to be interpreted a number of ways. The way I see this is that it's about someone struggling with slowly going insane. Sounds like the speaking is trying to remain stable and cling to rational thought, but their inherent insanity is dragging them down. Interesting stuff. Very dark, which is what I like to see in poetry. I don't really have any ways to improve this, as it seems fine as is. Good job.

Peace and love,
B.R. McNair
PotterPower chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
This is really good. I think you did a good job describing the state the narrator is in and I love the lines "There's no difference anymore / Between the truth and the lies. /Everything is scrambled, / In the depths of my mind." This poem has a darker theme to it, and it fits that the first word is "shadows"; because right from the start it made me picture darkness and depression. Also, using "shadows" in the first line and "polluting" in the second really creates a fitting image, in my opinion. It's really good :) For improvement, I would suggest perhaps dividing it into stanzas. It would bring out more emphasis in the lines you break away from the rest. Like "There's no difference anymore / Between the truth and the lies.", it would be heavier and darker in my opinion if there was a break before and after it. Also, I think the period after "I'm trying to forget" shouldn't be there. I think it wounds smoother without it.

But overall, this is really good. You were especially good at describing the state of the narrator... This is something I've felt and I know how hard it is to put into words. Fantastic job :)
Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Fantastic. I deeply love the rhyming scheme used in this poem as well as it's way of expressing itself. You have done well with this, indeed. Outstanding job, keep it up :D
Eirien chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
You express this confusion quite well, I know this state, too. (Not too far from it at the moment, actually...) I also like the rhymes you put into this, they give some kind of coherence to the otherwise confusing thoughts (which is fitting because they mirror the content).