Reviews for the gunmen
from josh chapter 2 . 1/12/2013
you called him josh after the first time for the rest of the story
angie hof chapter 2 . 11/30/2012
Pretty good, but a tad confusing...try to clear it up a bit. I think you used the wrong word up there; where you say, "She suddenly relished who threw the knife." I'm not sure relished is the right word. Another thing, at some parts you get a bit choppy, as though you're not sure what goes next, such as, "So they both walked up to the bar. The marshal got up and sat down next to them both. She looked back at the corpse which had a knife sticking out of it." This isn't quite right, it doesn't quite flow. I have the same problem sometimes. Love your dialogue. And yes, you spelled my name wrong; its Hof, not problem. Please do keep writing, you're getting me curious.
angie hofer chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
I like it...its different...nice and short. The only problems I found were that your dialogue isn't exactly the way someone would talk in real life, for example, you say "And you will not see tomorrow". Most people would put a 'you'll' in there instead of 'you will'. Also, your some of your sentences don't seam together well, such as, "Their leader was killed. Their code dictates that this man must die."
I would do this as, "He was dead, with a hole right between his eyes. Their duty was clear; the stranger would have to die."
I liked your story, keep writing.