|Reviews for Making Lemonade: Tales of The Night Writer|
| Guest chapter 2 . 8/1/2012
I am enjoying the story and can't wait to read the next chapters!
| Angry friend chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
I read this and I just could feel you, your personality and who you are in it. I'm anxious to see what comes next.
| Lupes chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
Hello again! Sorry i haven't reviewed this chapter, I've been busy re-blogging on tumblr and hanging out with my boyfriend! I just finally got to reviewing my friend's chapters yesterday and I was reminded to review this chapter when I saw that two of my friends liked you on facebook and my friend (she's a writer too, on fictionpress and wattpad, she's romance though but you should check her out! also my friend fate rose! she writes darker stuff and supernatural and fantasy/science fiction stuff, you should check her out too!) Anyways, sorry for rambling! I always seem to do that haha.. onto the story! Aww! this chapter was so cute and adorable! yay romance! and i still find it weird how similar in some ways my boyfriend and you are alike but you guys are so differnet at the same time too! I used to dislike my boyfriend at first during sophomore year of high school in my french class cause i thought he was racist and sexist, i realized he was being stupid and joking later on and i stopped dislikng him haha.. sorry for the personal info haha.. you guys were masks to play at the coffee shop? did no one question that? was it hard to breathe? was it sweaty under the masks? i bet since you guys are playing at the same time as wearing them! haha do you and your friend tony go on double dates alot? You and riley seem like such a cute couple! and trust me been there done that! i know how you feel! even though you guys are going to separate colleges, that doesn't mean things have to change! It's going to be a hard adjustment, yes it is! but you can find ways to make it work and get through it together! skyping and texting will help alot and it will make you appreciate the time when you guys do get to see each other, a whole lot special! are you guys going to college near each other or are you guys going to colleges across different coasts of the country?cause that would suck hardcore! I love riley! she is awesome! and hey you guys have telepathic abilities! That's awesome! When you can look at someone and you guys are thinking the same thing, then you know you have a close friendship with that person! Chicken strips and french fries! my kind of dinner! Chicken strips are the best! all you need is a coke! and riley is a keeper btw! She loves chicken strips making her automatically awesome! haha do you both love chicken strips hardcore? my boyfriend and i love chicken strips! any chicken product actually! haha you really like this girl don't you? :) i find it so cute! and your plan isn't crazy at all by the way! if you two really love each other and are determined to make it work then go for it! When you know she is the one, you got to keep fighting for her! and Manhattan? that's a cool place to live! what side? Upper East, Upper West, Lower East or Lower West? Manhattan seems pretty but it is too cold and snowy! D: not the kinda of weather and arizona girl likes! D: I wanted to go to Columbia University in New York but they only have my degree program in masters so no Columbia for me :/ Maybe I will be able to visit Times Square sometime in the future! maybe for new years! :) anyways now i am rambling again! And aww! you gave her a promise ring! thats so cute! I want to knwo if the promise was kept or not! I gotsa know! but alas i won't know and i will have to keep tuning in to the next chapters! Good story by the way! It keeps getting better by chapter :) Adios and Hasta Luego!
| Fate Rose chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
Sorry for the late review. I didn’t want to read this chapter until I’d have time to thoroughly appreciate it.
It’s only chapter two and the writing is already better! I knew you had potential!
A friend recommended me to your story and I often find it weird how parallel your life is to his. But then there are massive differences. But then there are the little details that bring back the similarities. It’s weird.
This was a really cute chapter! And I feel like it was much better than the first one, writing-wise I mean. You did a good job and I enjoyed it! :D
| GermanSam chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
First off, if you're wondering why there is a major time gap between my first review and this one. It isn't because I'm a slow reader. Nope. I went off to go get a midnight (it's midnight where I am) snack. Ramon Noodles. And it was delicious! Just thought I would share.
Secondly: AW! How adorable is this? Totally adorable! It's not often that you read about the whole love story from a guy's point of view and this is genuinely adorable and cute. And I'm left wondering what the promise was but I don't want the fun to be ruined either. I'm excited to read it whenever we get to it.
I noticed no glaring mistakes in this chapter. I might have been too involved with the story to see any. So bravo to you either way.
I was kind of afraid this was going to get cheesy. You can only say "I love you" so many times before we're like "We GET it!". But it turned out to be really sweet in the end and adorable. Which I don't know if it's nice to tell a guy if his writing is adorable but this really was.
So, I'll get out of your hair now and stop being annoying. I enjoyed the story. I like the take on life and romance and everything in it. It's deep and awesome! So continue writing! It's already getting better!
I look forward to reading more! Good job so far! :)
| GermanSam chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
So like your other two reviewers, I was recommended this story. And I must say, it's rather interesting indeed!
In fact, it's very deep. I like that part of it. It makes me think about sayings and how they pertain to our lives. I also liked all the deep metaphors you have in here about life in general. It really makes me think.
I'm scared about college too. It freaks me out so much. The money problem and the whole direction of it. At night, I sometimes have these fears and thoughts that I'm doing the wrong thing with my life and I will never accomplish anything. But that is just personal problems that you don't care. I'm just saying. College freaks me out too.
Now, there are a few grammatical mistakes but what author doesn't have those. One good look over can fix most of those. And as you continue to write you will continue to get better naturally and soon it will be second nature not to make small mistakes anymore though a few might still happen because no ones perfect. Again, just sayin...
So I feel like I'm rambling and I don't want to do that. I enjoyed the story so far. It's filled with a lot of deep thoughts, some funny moments and jokes, and an overall good message. Things in life change and it's good to know that even if you're not ready for the change, you still will go through it and you will survive.
You take life one chapter at a time and even if you don't have a paper and pencil out to write the next part, it will come along and hand you a pen! I don't know! I'm just trying to be all deep and creative like you. I'll stop being lame now and move on.
I like the overall message of the story. That change is a part of life and you have to take it day by day. I really respect that.
Alright! I'm going to stop rambling now because you're probably totally annoyed. Sometimes I get carried away in these things.
I'm off to read the next chapter! Good writing! Keep it up! :)
| Lupes chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Hello! I was made aware of your story from my boyfriend.. He could really relate to your story and for that I say Thank you or Gratias as I like to say :) You got a good story going here! You have a few grammar mistakes but those are just little mistakes you don't realize.. I like your story! Your title was really creative too! Making a difference in this world is a great feeling! Just knowing you made a difference in someone's life is amazing! With whatever you do in your life, as long as you stay true to yourself, you should be fine! Look at your life now and enjoy it! The future will be amazing if you make it that way by enjoy your life in the present! Have fun in your life and remember to stay close to those close to you! No matter how many miles apart you are from any of the people that you care about, just know that they will always be there for you :) You friends crack me up! Especially their mannerisms.. The beach is an amazing place to go relax and just think about stuff! It's a great to de-stress yourself haha.. I love going to the beach and just hang out! It's also a nice way to cool off haha.. sorry that I'm saying alot of personal stuff about myself haha.. I have never reviewed to someone I didn't know.. I have just only reviewed to my friends, Fate Rose and German Sam, they are authors on fictionpress too! They are really amazing! You should totally check them out and tell your friends about their stories :D anyways back to the story! You are a good writer and keep doing what you do! I'm excited for your next chapter! Well until the next chapter! Adios! :)
| Fate Rose chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
Reviews are meant to make writing better, so bear in mind that I’m going to criticize things and please don’t take offense.
The summary says ‘make a world a better place’, but it would probably sound better if it said ‘make the world a better place’.
First sentence: ‘thinks the know what it(‘)s supposed to mean.’
‘Let me tell you the first of many stories about my friends and I’s journey’. This sentence sounds…awkward. I’d suggest just changing it to ‘our journey’.
There are exceptions to every rule. Most people say that narrators should NEVER talk to the audience. It breaks the fourth wall, shatters the illusion, disrupts the story, etc. However, I disagree with that. Sherlock Holmes is a primary example of that rule being broken. Watson talks to the audience at the beginning of almost every short story. I think it’s acceptable to do at the start. It’s just personal preference.
Synonyms are your friend. Word abuse upsets the flow of a paragraph. Try never to use the same word twice in a row.
Random note: Patrick makes me think of Neil Patrick Harris. XD Not a bad association. Tony makes me think of Tony Stark. Also not a bad association. XD
“These guys are my bro’s…” Those guys are your bros. Not bro’s. Bro’s is possessive. Bros is plural.
“So it(‘)s the beginning of July…” It’s it is. Its possessive. Google ‘Ten Words You Need to Stop Misspelling’ for a detailed clarification.
Tip: Read the story out loud to someone. It doesn’t matter who, your neighbor, mother, best friend, random homeless guy, even your cat. Reading out loud will help you see what flows and what sounds awkward. Reading out loud to a person will give you a sounding board to advise you on things. C:
Fun fact: I, too, am a terrible judge of time.
Patrick rather reminds me of…me. I’m just as forgetful, if not worse.
You switch between past and present tense a lot. It doesn’t matter which you go with, just pick one and stick to it. I’d advise past, which seems to go better with your plot. And when describing the characters, keep it in past tense, even though those details are part of the present. The change in tense interrupts the flow of the story.
Smoothies do tend to make things better. So does chocolate, but smoothies are a much healthier alternative.
“…show what was happening(,) what we were afraid was happening.” Don’t be afraid of commas.
Alrighty, I just finished reading. Your premise is good. Your plot is fine. But your writing needs improvement. Like I said, keep it in past tense. All of it. Except the dialogue. Even the things that you feel should be in present tense, write them in past.
I know my review was on the harsh side, but I feel like you have the potential to be better and I’d like to see it. I hope I didn’t offend you and I’d love to see a chapter two out soon. C: