|Reviews for Sins of the Father|
| Krystal Watters chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
"why she of all the gods..." is proper grammar.
When Loki and Jormungund are discussing Lokis's protection of Frennir, you might want to add to Loki's explanation something like "because of your brother's actions, my hands were tied. I could not help him." Since Jormungund was asking about why his father hadn't helped (or at least that's my interpretation).
A little bit more detail on how he kept all four paws on the ground would be nice.
"... this day would come back to sever." I think that sever is the wrong word for this sentence, that or it's incomplete.
The Norse Gods are not as common knowledge as the Greek ones, so a little more description of how they act and why they're making these decisions would be nice. Even though this is the backstory, you can always get a little bit more characterization in to get the readers more interested. The most experience I have with Loki is from the movie "The Mask"...
Why did Jormungund trust his father like that? Loki seems like a first-class jerk with not a lot of fore-thought in things. Shouldn't the son know this about him?
Also, the exchange with the wife is a bit odd. She seems ready to kick him out of her cave and she just says "OK let's not fight in front of our son" who probably has heard it all many many times before.
Where did this monstrous form come from? I assumed it was from Jormungund's mother, but she seems normal...
Why are Odin and Thor so skittish of the monster? He hasn't killed anyone. The come off as paranoid bigots.
And finally where did the guards come from? It was only Loki and then suddenly Jormungund is being put in chains.
| Host-Orion chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
Very good. This was cool because we get to see it in a different point. They were always vague in the myths of how Lokis children got to where they were. This could work up to nice little short story series it has great potential!
| TruffleHead chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
Holy cranberries! The feelings that you triggered inside us- well, let's just say you have a /very/ nice writing style and I'm excited to see more! :) I especially loved this interaction:
"I would, Mother," Jormungund began with a sigh. "It is just that it is so depressing where she is now. Why must she remain there?"
"Because it is as Odin commands," Angerboda gritted with a hint of bitterness, as she brushed her fingers through her long wavy blonde hair.
"Do you think Odin will come after me next?" the young serpent god asked.
I suddenly have this urge to protect Jormungund! What is happening to me? ;) Very, very nice- I also liked how Angerboda was jealous of Sigyn (although I suppose I don't blame her). Eep! I /loved/ this!