Reviews for Secrets: The Comet League
steph135 chapter 19 . 10/4/2012
Hey! Well I'm going to try to review again. I hope it works this time...

I'm so glad the guys are younger then Roxy expected, esspecially Mike! (Sigh) Mike :) lol. I feel alittle jelous of Roxy right now! I also feel bad for her though, having to go to that school of all boys! That'd be scarry...yet at the same time, it wouldn't be all that bad. Oh and I just loved the conversation between griffin and Mike! The reactions on both siides were perfect and plausable. They were so real to, I could feel them. It was like I was there in that crowded cafeteria with them, watching them subtly fight over Roxy! I love mikes protectiveness! This chapter was rightfully named after griffon. Gonna have to keep an eye out for him. :P

-steph135
steph135 chapter 18 . 9/30/2012
hey, your welcome! this was mostly an informational chappie. for an adrenal junkie like me, im into the action but these types of chapters are helpful and crucial. though i dont get a rush, it's interesting learning more about what goes on at this place roxys at. and that stuffed animal part made me laugh! it was so sweet, and i could picture it in my head as i read it. that's one of the great things about your writing. i can picture a lot of it and its realistic (okay, maybe not the storyline but neither is mine, so its all good :P) which for most writers on here is a definate feat. nice job my friend, i will advance to the next chappie!
steph135 chapter 17 . 8/30/2012
hey, its me, steph135! okay, i will start from the begining. the thing that stood out the most to me at that part was when mike walked in. why did he jump when he saw her holding the ipod? maybe he thought it was someting eles then realzed it was just the ipod. i want to know what he thought it was! it had to have been important if it starttled him like that...im sorry, little details like this just stand out to me, but on to the more important stuff also known as the best parts!
i love that roxy is so high up on the little scale, that's just awesome! and the little thing mike said about her deserving to be there, oh! now that was adorable, the way he smiled at her embaressment at his complement (sigh) beautiful. it literally make me smile :P i love it. i love action and romance. please, for the sake of your fan, keep on a-writing!
-steph135
steph135 chapter 16 . 8/25/2012
:P that is so embaressing hahaha! but i love it. ugh! mike seeing her like that in the morning, and all the other stuff with the clothes... i feel bad for her. oh! and dont forget the fact that they know pretty much everything about her. i feel bad for this fictional character lol. well at least she has her room and bed and all now, making her alittle more accomedated. nicely done, and please keep on a-writing!
-steph135
steph135 chapter 15 . 8/25/2012
hello there! sorry the review is a bit late, i had a friend over, and i think i annoyed her enough by checking the computer every chance i got so i could read it lol.
i love the imagery in this, the colorful ways you describe things add imagination to everything! like, "Tom was the funny guy who made sure that everyone didn't sink to the pits in seriousness..." just little things like that are awesome. great character discription to put a picture in your head.
okay so on to the more important stuff; i like how you explain that rocky is feeling like the misfit. like she doesnt belong in the perfect treo of joe, mike and tom. i think readers can relate to that.
okay, and i love the compound-place-type-thing for the comet league. i think its fricking awesome, and im glad roxy is going to do whatever she needs to, no matter how intimidated she might be of the comet league place (for lack of a better term) and is confusingness. im excited to see what's gonna happen and how shes going to deal with this! keep on a-writing!...oh, wait, your next chapter is up allready! :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
-steph135
Brightyellow chapter 15 . 8/24/2012
I'm going to drop a review here. I bet you'd want to know what a random reader thought. I will definitely not be following this story anymore. It lost my interest a few chapters back. Your overall *writing* is great, you can really describe and get the feels of the chapter. I know you story is fantasy based but, yes *but* it isn't realistic. Your story is NOT realistic. Her emotions are pausable, when she got kidnapped she hated them, despised them even though they were treating her well; and then the guy– what's his name– the one that came in when she become conscious he just gives the background on "the comet league" and he says you have a choice, she hates them but she says yes? Please. I know that this story's plot is based on the comet– but seriously? Did you even reread this before posting it? Did you question the realism? You definitely could of made this more believable if there were threats or so.

Ask yourself this question, "If i got kidnapped, and then told that i have a choice to kill or go back home. What would I do?" What would you do? You obviously would go back home if you had the choice. If you didn't have the choice now...

Even your hatred would slowly dissipate into worse or better.

Reason being why I will not continue reading this is because your plot has a serious flaw. It's not something minor, and if you can make such a flaw in a little emotion that bases the beginning; then the rest of the story's flaw will go unnoticed by you.

I'm not leaving this review trying to tell you, 'go kill yourself. You suck at writing.' No, i am most definitely not saying that! I am leaving this review for either future chapters or future stories. You have to double check you writing, question it like a critic and think, think, think.
I hope the tone of my writing didn't get you offended. I have no means to offend some random aspiring writer on the internet.

Keep writing. The more you try, the better you get.

Brightyellow.
steph135 chapter 14 . 8/19/2012
XD yes. yes. yes. this is it! haha this made my fricking day, just to know shes going to try to go for mike. i think they have chemistry, which isnt easy to show on paper, but i think you've done it. i can tell this chapter was written for me :P oh and i like the teams idea. your doing great, please keep going! im sorry i suck at reviews, just know that im in love with the story and that you need to keep going...or else XD
-steph
steph135 chapter 13 . 8/18/2012
hmmm... correct me if im wrong, but im starting to get the feeling that there will be a romance somewhere in here. i hope so, i kinda want her to be with mike. (sigh) hes just so sweet and caring :)... lol okay, so onto the story; i realize i should be the LAST person to say this, but i want longer chapters! they would be perfect for the style of the book.

anyways, i love the discriptions, as allways. esspecially when she is explaining the feeling of the "white pounding at the edge of her vision." loved that part. discriptions like that are wonderful to read, they make it so imaginative! i also like the vocab. i hate when stories use the same kind of words every single time. it's alot better when the author is specific about what the charaters are say\thinking\feeling\seeing. you follow this little guidline well, and i aplaud you for this accomplishment.

-hahahaha! it's steph135
steph135 chapter 12 . 8/8/2012
hey! so sorry this took awhile, i have been busy but im so glad i got the chance to take a look at it today! okay, so i would like you to know that i am officially 100% hooked. there was more explaination on what is going on in this story (which was despretly needed) and i think the idea is awesome. its diferent from anything else i have read on here and i could see buying a book like this. i felt like in this chapter, i connected with rocky more after she explained her flash backs of her familey and how she would miss them...ect. i really loved that part. i also liked the very last paragraph; it was well said and perfectly described. the actiony feel was there to, which is always great. keep on a-going! :P
steph135 chapter 11 . 7/26/2012
WOW, that certainly was an eye-opener. im so glad we are finally getting SOME information on whats been going on and the reasons for the kidnapping. i know there will be more in the next chapter though! i think its cool that shes the first girl to be taken in, but im interested to know why. oh, and dont worry, i like the chapters this long! i feel like there are sooooooo many possibilities with this story! its so imaginitive and original. im really loving it. i also like the way the characters interact with each other, it seems so real. i especially liked the beginning, when she wakes up in the hospital. it's so well described, great work! please keep on going, i want to know what happens next! :P
-STEPH135
steph135 chapter 10 . 7/20/2012
its okay, i would never hate you lol!

now on to the story...oh...my...gosh. i am completly speachless. i mean, wow. that was, first of all described beautifully, i could see it all unfolding like a movie in my mind. it was...just plain awesome! i realy liked the fast-paced action in this! NOW its getting interesting! i really want to know whats going on and whats going to happen to them. i know this will be explained in the next chapter, but still! this was really great, i mean your ability to describe was obvious in this chapter. nice work, please keep on a-writing!
-steph135
steph135 chapter 9 . 7/20/2012
hello! your getting better already, i can tell. one of your strongest point in writing is blending. your able to make each sentance flow into the next all while you're slowly showing the reader the main point. what i mean is that you always seem to have a purpose to every little deatail of the story which is really a great gift to have, esspecially in writing.

okay, so onto the story. its really getting interesting, but more-so in the last chapter. this was more like the aftermath of the last chapter, at leats in the begining. basically the calm down part after something big happens, if you know what i mean. anyway, you wrote it so well, its very polished. now, on to the end...wait...WHAT! alright, something big is going to happen in chapter ten! great cliff-hanger by the way :P
-steph135
steph135 chapter 8 . 7/20/2012
hey! im back! and thanks your really awesome to! ;P OKAY, so on to the story. wow, i just love roxy, i mean shes so tough and smart. who doesnt love that! it is nice that your showing her flaws though, thats important too. it's now becoming pretty clear that she is alittle over emotional. thats good, but its a strange combonation, being tough and yet having no control of emotion. i dont know thats just my opinion. okay, and another thing, i love the short sentances. i mean, i love all your long ones as well but i love it esspecially when you do this, "Hey, do you want some help up?" I shook my head violently, fear consuming me completely. I felt like a caged animal, locked in and going to die very very soon. It was terrifying. I scooted back, using my feet as my main propeller." that right there. when you have a couple short statements on how the charater is feeling, its amazing. it makes it super relatable and it does amazing things with the flow of the story. great work, just kep on a-writing!
-step135
thelonesamurai chapter 3 . 7/19/2012
This chapter was good as well, I like how they gave her night vision goggles. You think being kidnappers they wouldn't want her getting any details of them. These guys are definately up to something can't wait to see what this is all about.
thelonesamurai chapter 2 . 7/19/2012
Another excellant chapter, I never read about a person kidnapping someone and then telling them to calm down and not to worry. These guys must be deseperate if they're going around abducting thirteen year olds from campsites. I definately have to continue reading.
38 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 Next »