Ahh, a rogue crew. Sci-fi gold, is what that is. This chapter is well written, and I could not find a lot of mistakes. One that I really did notice was
[His parents were died when he was still young..] perhaps you should 'had' instead of 'were'. As I have said before, you should make a new paragraph when a new person has dialogue, instead of keeping it in the same paragraph.

Overall, another great one. I am loving where this story is going.

I like how you introduced more characters and gave the Captain a first name. Are you going to name the ship? I like the direction this is going the atmosphere you are building. The only mistake that really stood out to me was...
[ The doctor suggested putting down the clipboard..] You should capitalize 'Doctor' since we had not learned his name at that point. All and all, good chapter!

There are some tense problem, switching past and present. Also when having dialogue you have to make a new paragraph. This are minor problems though, and not a big deal. I enjoyed the chapter, and love where you picked it up, being a year later. Good work, I shall continue reading.

I enjoy the mystery factor, you wonder 'what is actually going on?' You should probably give the characters first names, it makes them seem more real. Some punctuation and grammar errors, which are no big deal. The biggest problem is that the first paragraph is all one sentence, also when you change dialogue for who is speaking, you have to make a new paragraph. Besides this, its a good start and I shall be reading more. Keep it up!

It took them one year to send a rescue mission? Captain Toms needs a first name. Too much info-dumping. Maintain tense.

Those were my thoughts when reading this chapter.

You switch from past tense to present tense a lot, especially in the first paragraph. You go from is to was and back. Stick with one (past) and don't deviate.

Show don't tell. In that first paragraph you go over a LOT of information surrounding. The cover story behind the destruction of Deu. This could be much more impactful and less blatant if you made this the sort of internal dialogue of Captain A (what I will call Captain Toms) leading to his suspicion of a conspiracy surrounding his father's death which leads to him breaking chairs and what not.

Other than that you don't give names to anyone else except for 1st Mate Gin. There were at least three other characters and there's only one of those three who shouldn't have a name... and apparently does (Sola).

On to 3.
M.C.

Interesting start here. I'm definitely curious as to what's going on and invested in what's going to happen down the road. I'm not quite sure if this is more of a prologue or not as you killed the only thing close to a protagonist in General Toms. But I want to read more - that's the most important thing right now.

There are definitely a few issues I see.

I'll start with content. The biggest issue? They've been working on this project for 80 years and the budget hasn't been pulled? That, logically, makes no sense. It doesn't necessarily have to not make sense... why have they been toiling away for 80 years? is it for the future of humanity? give us a reason as to why they are doing this. ESPECIALLY since the military blasted the station to hell. why wait till General Toms was on board to do that?

A second point with regards to content: details.

I know General Toms isn't your main protagonist (that role will probably fall to his son, i'm assuming) but I want to know more about him. Just basic stuff. His full name. How old he was (we know when he started) as he could be 35 or 75. You give a little more description to Iggins, but it is so matter-of-factly stated.

You write: "...a tall lanky middle-aged man, quite stereotypically dressed in a long knee length which coat, appeared in the opposite doorway. As the man approached he lifted his greying blonde hair out of the back of the coat indicating that he had only recently put it back on..."

Instead something like this: "Tall and lanky, middle age settled upon the man quite well. despite working in a top-secret facility, the man seemed to disregard all regulation when it came to dress code. The knee-length coat he wore conformed to military regulation, but the greying blonde hair that hung past his shoulders did not."

You tend to use passive voice a lot - more than you should. An english teacher once told me, if you can, always use your active voice. For example in the last paragraph you say: "...the girl had suddenly stood up and was now staring directly at them." Too many passive verbs. Instead maybe something like this: "The girl stood suddenly, intently staring at her new guests."

As a piece of general advice: look out for run-on sentences. Your first paragraph is ONE sentence. And be mindful of minor spelling and punctuation mistakes. (I'm always guilty of this). A couple of passes rereading and you should be able to notice things like run-ons and out of place punctuation.

The next review shouldn't be this long. On to the next chapter.

M.C.

I found the sci-fi and/or futuristic elemets (such as the monsters) very fascinating. But maybe you could describe what the characters look like a bit more. Maybe it's because I don't read many sci-fi stories so it fascinates me, but, either way, it was very interesting. Especially that ten-year-old girl which made me want to read more about what she was.

I loved the dialoge because of the wording that you used when they talked. (I don't really have much advice to give you. do I?) Dx But maybe you could switch 'noone' with 'no one.' (Or is it supposed to be like that?)

Anyway, the chapter really kept me interested from the first word to the last.

The story is extremely good. However, you lack some character description in some places, namely the humans. I really like how you established the mood of the station and how secretive everything is. However, I find it a bit hard to believe that after 80 years of continuous failures, that the government would still keep a program running. Governments have to keep their bottom line so it just seems unrealistic. Overall, it is good and I enjoyed the build up to the explosion.