Reviews for The Warden's Return - First Draft
Tritone chapter 1 . 4/22/2014
Hey, I'm really upset that I didn't know you were posting "The Return" (Original) here!
To be honest at first I wasn't so sure but because I loved the fan fiction I decided to read your story (which I probably would have found earlier if I hadn't forgotten my account on this site). I have actually just started the first chapter and already I love what you've written, some parts of "The Return" are already coming back to me. At first I was worried about the changes like the main character being a girl (Which I actually love now that I've started reading) but as soon as I started nothing felt awkward at all, it feels really new and fresh!
Also, I'm SO glad you did not go into big details that the reader wouldn't know about (like definitions etc.) since I love finding everything out instead of being given every bit of information right at the start.
I'll probably have to make a new account and while I'm here I'll be sure to check out your other originals!
FieryArtemis chapter 6 . 3/31/2014
Hey, I read the fanfiction that this was based off a few years ago. Actually, I've read it a couple of times over the last couple of years so I basically really enjoyed it. When I saw that you were converting it into an original work, I was intrigued. It's so easy to just change a few names but leave the characters, places, and things the same. However, I can honestly say that I have no problem distinguishing between the two stories. I am really excited that your main characters aren't carbon copies of the Link, Zelda, and Malon characters you created for the Return. Lije is sarcastic and funny like Link but is stronger and more independent. Oriana is kickbutt in ways that Zelda could never be. I also love your writing style and the way each character's individual voice comes through. I'm excited to see what comes next and I hope that you are able to update soon.
TTP chapter 5 . 12/21/2013
Oh holy shit did I nearly misinterpret this begining. Hello! Random fan of your LoZ work over on ! I followed your link to your fiction press account and saw that this story was updated this year. Eagerly I clicked to resent chapter and began to read, thinking it was an Authors Note. I'm glad it wasn't. Seriously, put those first few paragraphs into an Authors note. Now after that heart attack...don't suppose you could post an update thingy on your fanfiction bio? Your fourms link is broken so there is really no plAce to see if your still kicking.
Guest chapter 5 . 12/3/2013
You need to publish this if you ever finish, because I would buy it in a heartbeat. :D
Hamchops chapter 5 . 11/25/2013
Woo! I've finally found time to read more stories. And yeah, I know about this story through your fanfiction. But, I am pleasantly surprised to see that it is very different, for some reason I thought it would be very much the same (but with characters and situations changed to be original). I admire your dedication! Seriously, keep up the good work! I'm really liking where this is going. :) You should definitely pimp this out some more, get some fresh eyes on this puppy.

The only constructive criticism I can give has been pointed out before, certain things just don't make sense. I understand that they will be explained as the story goes on, but sometimes I'm feeling incredibly lost. Like, where Lije came from. I still am not sure who or what the Dakue are, or the 'Twixt, what they look like. I wish I could offer advice on how to fix this, because I don't want to just rudely point out things, and explaining everything is not always cool or fun or right, so I'm sorry! Everything else is coming together just fine.
red-callen chapter 5 . 11/2/2013
I love this story! You are a great writing and i hope you will update soon!
Guest chapter 5 . 7/11/2013
I'm a massive fan of your Return/Recon fanfictions, and was incredibly excited when I found out you were turning them into an original work of fiction! The near absence of reviews and followers still confuses me, as I honestly believe that this story is good enough to be published. The writing style has improved considerably, and the way you tell your stories never ceases to amaze. The sheer abundance of races and characters in this world might be a little confusing to newcomers, but it is easy enough to identify characters by traits or similar names if one has read the fanfictions.
I'll be honest in saying that I wasn't expecting Lije to become a woman, but I think it is an excellent touch as well as a statement against homophobia and discrimination of many kinds. The idea that a culture so diverse and advanced in different ways (when compared to ours) could accept that kind of equality is wonderful, and simple enough to make me roll my eyes at the world we live in.
Please keep writing (don't waste all that talent), and good luck at getting it published!
Sezony chapter 4 . 4/16/2013
I was a bit sad to find that Lije was suddenly changed into a woman since the last time I read this. I'm so stuck on what I read in the RR stories that I have a really hard time picturing this character as a woman... I'll definitely keep on reading the Zelda version of this (it could take you ten years to finish and I'd still continue to check back regularly for new chapters - that's how much I love it), but don't think I'd continue to read this one. As much as I love your writing style, the change here was a bit too much for me to enjoy this new retelling of the story as much as I did the original.
Still eagerly awaiting the next Reconciliations chapter though :)
Anonymous chapter 3 . 11/13/2012
Wooah I was really surprised to find the sex change here! I'm not sure if I like it really... is Lije still gonna end up with the princess? Same as RR? I looked to see if the princess was changed into a prince but she wasn't so...
A bit awkward for me really... I've got absolutely nothing against people who are gay, but I've never really been comfortable seeing/reading it :/ not sure if I'll continue to read this from now...
Either way, I still love your writing and will definitely continue to follow your Zelda stories.
Silver Soldier Moon chapter 3 . 9/24/2012
Another amazing chapter as usual! My only major concern is that I cannot identify Lije as female! You've kept her personality and thoughts exactly the same as male Life/rr Link, this makes it difficult to change my viewpoint of her. Obviously this will change in time, but hopefully there will more scenes that identify her as her own female character, with female thoughts, and not just a female copy of rr Link.
hopefully this makes sense, I absolutely love this story and can't wait to read more of it!
JustAnotherRainyDai chapter 2 . 9/15/2012
Ah! This was so exciting when I found this! At first, I'll be honest, I was a little bit hesitant about reading a "rewrite" of one of my favorite stories ever, but you've just added so much depth here. Not to mention the writing is just soso much better. It's amazing how much one can improve in eleven years, isn't it?
I like how everything is gone into more, more depth on all the "in-between" parts that were left unexpanded in the Return.
I do really love how Lije is different from Link, I can already tell that from reading two chapters. That's what has always awed me about your writing, your ability to give any character a personality over such a short span.
One thing that kind of bothered me, but this could totally be me so feel free to ignore it, are the conversations when the characters were trying to hurry. For example, when Argent and Lije are sneaking their way over to Oriana they seemed to talk forever! It kind of detracted from the suspense a little. Same thing goes when Oriana and Lije are escaping. But I totally understand why it was necessary. Just a small complaint, really, in the midst of all this amazingness.
I love all the detail you've given on the races and especially Gale, it's really interesting. Can't wait to see where you take it.
I'll admit that I already like Oriana better than Zelda, she's more hardcore.

All in all, a fantastic start to what will undoubtedly be an epic tale! I will definitely be keeping up with this story! I made an account here just so I could fav and watch this story. : P

Also, I can't help but chuckle that you named a goodness "Kyn" because those are the first three letters of my name and I commonly go by that as a nickname. : ) I just kind of stared at the computer screen a minute when a first saw that. XDD

Keep up the amazing work, Rose!
Sezony chapter 2 . 9/4/2012
I've always thought that your writing in Return and Reconciliation was good enough to be published... so, of course, I was beyond excited when I saw that you were making an original rewrite of those stories. So much of it is completely unique. Only a small part of it is taken from the Zelda storyline so it's nice to see you create characters that are yours. The story is going great so far. Similar to The Return, but so different at the same time. Can't wait to see the Gerudo more often in here. If you end up publishing this I'd definitely buy it.
Just one thing I'd change - I think when this story's equivalent of Dark Link says 'the warden' you should take the the off. Warden alone just sounds better to me.
I'm really enjoying trying to figure out what is replacing certain things from the original RR fics. There are a lot of names in here that confuse me though so I'll be looking forward to some explanations in the upcoming chapters.
The new Reconciliation chapter was incredible as always by the way! You should definitely mention this story in an authors note in the next chapter and include a link or something :) it definitely deserves the attention. No doubt all the faithful followers of that story from will eagerly come to follow this one like I have.
bossanovabyss chapter 2 . 9/3/2012
I had to get some sleep last night/this morning before I could finish this chapter, but now that I have, I'm not disappointed.

I definitely like the history you've given Gale, giving an actual reason for her being more swift than any other horse rather than just a sort of "just because" type thing, in the same way that she has a reason for running up on command rather than just a sort of "just because" type thing. Similarly, I like how you're expanding on the Makan, though I have to admit that for Thana's mask I envisioned the Skull Mask from Ocarina of Time/Majora's Mask, and that made her appear more lulzy than threatening to me. But then again, skulls in general tend to amuse me with their apparent smiles, so that's probably why.

On that note, though, the Makan using masks in general makes me think of Clock Town and its residents, and because Majora's Mask is my favorite Zelda game, that is certainly something I enjoy.

Anyway, moving on, let me just say that I love Oriana. While Zelda knew what was going on in the original story, she still seemed to be mostly dragged along by Link, needing to be protected rather than fighting in her own right, despite the fact that she had more experience than he did by that point. Here, though, Oriana is realistically taking point despite Lije's obstinate behavior, and I absolutely LOVE that. She's not just a drag-along here, or a damsel in distress; she's a full on Action Girl and is a good example of Royals Who Actually Do Something. I also really enjoy that she was wearing pants and a vest, tossing aside the traditional gear for something that's more practical to travel in. Good going, princess.

Also, this might be off-topic, but I absolutely love how you've described her. She sounds gorgeous.

The only part I stumbled a bit over was toward the end, when Oriana is throwing information about who Lije really is at him. Don't get me wrong, I perfectly understood it, but it sort of made the moment . . . I don't know if 'slow down' would be the right turn of phrase to use, but having story time right there took away some of the urgency. I understand why it was done - Lije wouldn't have listened to her otherwise (not that he ended up listening to her anyway), but that is one thing that I felt was done better in The Return, where Zelda just said "they're after you, I can't tell you why, just trust me" and Link responded "trust you when you've told me nothing? lol no." Here, she's told him everything and while it's admittedly an outlandish story, he STILL won't trust her. It just felt a bit choked in.

Still, I'm actually going to make a Fictionpress account to follow this. I absolutely love it, and I really can't wait for more! ;3
bossanovabyss chapter 1 . 9/3/2012
Whoo, sent here from Tumblr! I figured I'd go ahead and just leave a quick review on the chapter, since there were things I thought/noticed as I read through. After that, I'll go on ahead and tackle chapter two.

So, in order:

-I squealed when I saw the chapter title. And I had to reread the first paragraph a few times because I was too busy fangirling. It was recognizably the same dream from The Return, but the writing was -so much better-. And I know that's to be expected, because you have more experience now, but all the same, I couldn't help but fangirl.

-The scream of 'THE WARDEN' doesn't quite have the same oomph as 'HERO OF TIME,' but I think I'll get used to it in time. And either way, 'Warden of the Watch' sounds infinitely more mysterious.

-I do like the idea of a scarf more than a hat, because I think that the image of tossing a scarf around a neck is just -cooler- than tugging on a silly hat, although I can't help but think that a scarf would be more impractical in battle (not that Lije knows that yet, but all the same). Wouldn't it be easy to yank, as Bruiser does later on in the chapter? Or wouldn't it get caught on things? Not that I'm suggesting it be changed - not at all! - but it's just something that came to mind while reading.

-Also, and this could just be me being stupid, but at certain points, there was a lot of terminology flying around that distracted me because I couldn't quite get the hang of who everyone/everything was supposed to be. Some terms were easy enough to figure out, such as "fae" basically being like the fair folk/fairies, and Qaen obviously stands in for Goddesses, but who exactly the Dukae were/is(?) confused me. I guess part of the problem is that I was trying to match it all up to people/places in The Return, but part of the reason I was doing that was to help me understand. xD So, in that sense, were the Dukae the Kokiri? The Great Deku Tree? Or is it something else entirely? Lostlands makes me think of Lost Woods, Fae makes me think of fairies, etc., so . . . I mean, I'm sure it'll be explained later (sort of like how the concept of daemons in His Dark Materials is just explained as the story goes on), but it just threw me off at first.

And again, it's likely me being stupid, and not everything has to be spoonfed, etc., etc. I should shut up about it now.

-One thing I noted is that, when Lije and Melody are playing through their lady and lord faux court speech, Melody says that her book "doesn't care about the wherefores and whys" of Lije's debt. "Wherefore" actually means "why," so that gave me a pause - whys and whys is basically what her sentence translated to. Then again, since she was just PRETENDING to be noble and actually isn't, that could be completely intentional, so as to point out the fact that she's just messing about, so I probably shouldn't mention it anyway. Heheh, sorry.

-I fangirled again when I saw the names Amplissa, Indiga, Jinni (oh god I miss her), and Aliza. The other name wasn't familiar to me, but all the same, it was a total "ermahgerd FORESHADOWING" moment for me.

-I really love the set-up of this chapter - or rather, the flow. I think it flows so much more smoothly than the first chapter of The Return. We get a deeper set of the characters here, and a firmer grasp on the build-up in the story. Whereas in "The Return" we had a Gilligan cut from "I won't be late" to "OH MY GODDESS I'M LATE," here we actually see Lije and Melody go through the day, until the crucial moment where, yes, he's running late. And like Lije, I too felt a sense of dread when Bruiser was revealed to be on the other side of that tree, especially since he never actually got to smack Link for failing at his job in "The Return." (Well, not that Link -failed-, exactly, but . . . well, yeah, he kind of did.)

Either way, I really am enjoying this so far, and I hope I haven't sounded like too much of a prat, haha. I'm gonna go on ahead to chapter two, now
Alyssa chapter 2 . 7/18/2012
Read the Return and eagerly following the sequel. I love your writing style, and your characters. There's only a few things I want to point out:

In the first chapter, I feel like Lije just sounds really formal. The way he tells the story sounds a tad off for the character you've turned him into in the Return. I can't imagine him sounding that eloquent and when you put that kind of speech into Lije's mouth I find it kind of strange.
Since this isn't a fanfiction anymore, you don't have the luxury anymore of assuming your reader understands certain phrases. I don't know what a dukae is, or a shardeni, or a nolan. If i picked up your book with no knowledge of anything besides what you've provided, I would be seriously confused.

Other than that, great work. Keep it up!
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