|Reviews for Silence|
| Redz chapter 1 . 10/1/2012
Great poem. I love the rhymes, and the rhythm is great. One little mistake - "Your trapped, you can't get out" should be You're - but it doesn't really change anything. I really liked it, well done.
| AmericanBeauty-AmericanPsycho chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
This poem is very easy for me to relate to. When I read this line: [It spreads it instead] - I was like 'YES!' I feel the same way about many of the things you said here and that makes me like it. If I can relate to it, I'm more likely to like it. And to be happy about reading it. So well done.
[Silence is a merry-go-ride] - I didn't like this part :/ I tripped over it. I always say 'merry go round' and then you said 'ride' and it through me off. Plus, I didn't feel the sentence was natural. I felt it was desperate.
Other than that, I liked this poem!
(This review was brought to you because you were a winner of the review marathon!)
| ChaiBrad chapter 1 . 8/14/2012
What this poem reminded me was the difference between how silence is interpreted differently between low context societies and high context ones. Japan, in particular, is very high context and silence is very comfortable to them whereas for us it can be disturbing. Sorry for the nerdy ramble, I liked the poem, really makes one ponder on the silence in their own lives.
| ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
There were certain parts that really spoke to me in this poem. You've done a really good job of writing it, and I like the stylistic bolding you've done throughout the piece. It gives the poem a certain character and puts emphasis on certain passages. Good job. :)
| Deranged Dairy Products chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
I'm not sure about the rhyme scheme. It's more in line with the lyrics of a song, and gives an almost happy bounce to what seems like a darker subject. I enjoyed it when you applied ambiguity, such as in 'Silence is a merry-go-ride, your trapped, you can't get out'. That imagery is much more subtle, giving me enough information to inspire thought without revealing the line's intended meaning, which I think poetry is all about. Some of the other descriptions seemed a tad bit more obvious in comparison, so if I had to make a recommendation, it would be that you concentrate on trying to cover up as much of your intended meaning as possible while also not making it too confusing that the reader can't relate to anything. It's a delicate balance, but it always leads to good poetry.
Also, just noticed:
'Your trapped, you can't get out' - should be you're. No doubt you've probably recognised the error already, though, but I like to make sure.
| Purplemonkey123 chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
Loved it! this poem is very true and powerful and emotional Great poem!
| AlucardGnuoy chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
This poem was, in a word, amazing.
The way you described silence was negative in a beautiful way that made it an honour to read.
The rhyming in the poem gave it an easier flow and it dies not feel like any of the rhymes were forced in any way.
I only gave two criticisms, which are both very common in poetry:
I felt as if some senteces were too long/short and needed a word added to/removed from it. That was both criticisms which I shall now explain:
It doesn't take away THE fear
It spreads THE FEAR instead
Leaves you FORLORN
| Eirien chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
once again (stupid FP) that last review was from me.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
You find a lot of impressive metaphors to describe silence in a negative way. There is positive silence as well, understanding that transcends word, but you explore the nagtive side in this poem, which is valid, and you do it well. It flows nicely,with its sound patterns and rhythm, so that it could also be turned into a song (used as the lyrics to a song, I mean).
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 7/17/2012
My word, this is wonderful! I love the format and flow of this poem very much. It's filled with such passion, it's astonishing. Amazing job, keep it up :D
| LsyBlurb chapter 1 . 7/17/2012
I love it, maybe because I can relate to it so much. But it is beautifully written, keep up the good work!