Reviews for Detective Sunshine Chapter One
LsyBlurb chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
Great job! What I really loved was the realism in your dialogue, it sounded like something the characters would really say. And, what else was really nice was the description, it was to the point and not overly dramatic.
One thing that would've made this chp even better I think is if you exaggerated the part of when she was under the table, she could describe the fear, smell, what she sees, how badly she wants to get out, etc. just for us to get a better image of what was happening, because when you're in danger, everything seems slower.
Other than that superb job, I'm looking forward to more! :)