Reviews for Skyheart
whatdotheydream chapter 2 . 10/13/2012
This is interesting.
Jolly Rogers chapter 2 . 7/19/2012
Once again, nice work Thearah.

And don't worry, nothing was at all confusing about this... quite the contrary, I felt you almost over-explained in this chapter. The first few lines that establish that Stefan was the guy in the prologue was a bit too obvious and mostly unnecessary. You repeated a lot of things. Trust that your readers can follow what's happening from chapter-to-chapter without such an on-the-nose recap.

Also you should to cut down on needless words. Take for instance this line: "He turned his face away and fingered the mug of ale that sat in front of him." Okay... well of course he turned his FACE away! It wouldn't make much sense for him to turn his feet away! And the fact that the ale was right in front of him is established by the fact that he's fingering it! So really, this sentence could have easily gone like this: "He turned away and fingered his mug of ale" with no loss of meaning or impact.

But I don't want you to think that I don't like this. The things that I complained about are things that I still struggle with myself when I write. In spite of all that you are doing a really good job of building up your world. The dialogue was for the most part good and I already like the characters. They seem a little bit cliche but that's not always a bad thing in and of itself. They still come off natural.

And there is nothing wrong with re-doing chapters and being critical of yourself. As you can see I myself am a critical person so you're in good company. ;)
Guest chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
Hm. This is awesome! :)
Jolly Rogers chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
Hmmm, well this seems pretty interesting.

You seem to have a firm grasp of the concept of show don't tell and that's always nice to see around here. You've established what you needed to establish right away (that this verse' uses magic) and left hints of further depth that I'm sure you'll get to later on (mentioning the Weaver). Its pretty clear you're not new to this.

If I have any complaints at all its that I would have liked to a bit more detail on the building this guy was in. Was it like palace? An unexceptional factory warehouse? or?

Bring us an update sooner than later!
Archia chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
That was really captivating. I want to know more so much, I want to know about this world about this heart about this man, about it all. From the very beginning I was hooked, I liked how it opened with action and kept up throughout the whole of it. I think it was good how many things were introduced here that I want to find out, even the little things I want to know. Brilliant first chapter.