|Reviews for Why Must Death Conquer Life?|
| peregrinefalcon chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
AWWW! so sweet! It's so fantabulous! Go Junelian! Love ya!
| Yatagarasu chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
This may be just my personal opinion, but I have a bone to pick with these adjoining sentences: "She must protect her dear home country. Her country was good and was a fine home." The use of 'country' in both, one right after another, is trying because I feel like it chops up the flow, as opposed to just using 'it' at the second time.
'A good and fine home.' Those adjectives are practically the same thing, and I think that once again chops up the flow-but once again, that is just me.
Your description of the battlefield is lacking. You have two ditches right next to each other. That's all I get. Is this on your home land or Germany's?
Another thing-the whole point of ditches is guerilla warfare. Ditches are made so you can hide from the enemy and ambush them. Instead, you have them running from the ditches directly into battle. If you're going to face them head on, why have a ditch in the first place?
The battle bell from the Germans...I have a question. Why are you waiting for your enemy to tell you when to start battling? Why are you listening to your enemy at all? If this is what war is like, wouldn't it be so much more convenient to just run up and take them by surprise? Care to explain why the strategists in this land didn't do that? And again I say, why are the enemies calling all the shots?
The death scene is anticlimactic to the extreme. 'Her vision of the world faded.' That's it? That's it. You proclaim her dead in less than ten words. Don't you think that's short, even for a drabble like this?
At the point of two years after a war, most bodies that are notably dead will not be searched up and saved-but even if we say for arguments sake that it actually did happen, I think this scene is, again, anticlimactic. You have, like in your last story, told and not shown. Her mother is weeping over her body. Okay. That's it.
And even that doesn't have any detail. What state is that body in? Where is this scenario? How did the body come back? What took it two years in the first place? For an epilogue, two lines sure is weak.
And that last line. Why is it capitalized at random words, first of all? Second of all, why is the most important line, the title of this entire piece, at the very end? Why is it only mentioned once? And why is it not elaborated? It's tacked on like an afterthought. Very impressive.
Overall Rating: 5/10, because unlike your other story, this one's idea is even on the weak side. Also...it's so much shorter.
| LsyBlurb chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Short and sweet, beautifully written nonetheless (