Reviews for Canatika's Company
NinjaxSketcheartx chapter 4 . 1/21/2013
This is just amazing! I absolutely love this story! The way you write is vivid, and descriptive, and I love that you add insight to what the characters are thinking.

I like Canatika. Her character is unlike most women. She's strong-willed and independent. Very different.

Bowynne has an interesting character. I like how you portray him.

I'm a little confused as to what Niles does.

I hope you update soon!
Lady of romance world88 chapter 4 . 10/14/2012
Love it

It is amazing chapter

I want more

Can't wait to read the next chapters for this story so tske your time to update it xoon

Please update soon asap

Keep writing always :)
Raleigh Daniels Jr chapter 4 . 9/27/2012
So Niles isn't such a wimp after all! He is very astute when it comes to him winning Mafi's trust, but Canatica is just keeping it real though.

Dramatization

"Hey you might earned my girl's trust, but you will have to do more than that to earn mine. As of now, you're my cash cow!" Just me paraphrasing.

The Boulder, hm. Me vs. The Boulder. Hm. Well, in case he doesn't break my bones and bend my spine I'm good!

Also, I'm beginning to realize that Mafi actually has a crush on Niles. I'm betting on a character pairing.

Overall, amazing job! I hope to see more in the future!

From
MegaRdaniels
Thousand Writer chapter 2 . 9/26/2012
Story-wise, I'm liking it so far. I can see that this tale has a slightly dark tone. Just several things I've noticed about your sentence structure. Start a new paragraph in dialogue when someone different is talking. If a character says one phrase, and says another shortly after, you should keep it in the same paragraph.

Also, be careful when expressing the characters' actions with adverbs. It can be easy to use and abuse those rather than expound on the sound or emotion behind them.

All in all though, each of the characters have unique personalities to easily tell them apart and the settings are very easy to follow. keep it up!
Thousand Writer chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
Hey, read the prologue and I like the set up you have here. You do a great job painting the scenario with details: Chrysocolla's movements and environment and especially Edmungus's intense study session. It definitely leaves many questions in my mind and I love to find out more about their story.

If there was anything I'd didn't like, and this requires some digging, it would be describing Edmungus's hair as mousey. I'm not sure if that means very stringy and wild, or short and unruly like a mouse.

Anyway, keep it up!

P.S. I know how it feels wanting to write and not being quite happy with it. Take it as a good thing. It shows that you want to improve!
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
I really liked how you displayed the sense of fear and urgency with these characters. The pace was very intense, which I liked because it mirrored what was going on with the narrative. I also really enjoyed the twist at the end because it left me wanting more.

The only thing that bothered me slightly is your main characters name: “Chrysocolla” I have no idea where to even begin with pronouncing that, but looking at it I want to say “Coco cola” maybe if you shorten it, or change it, it just felt strange to me. Maybe you could put a pronunciation guide to help readers out. Keep up the good work.

Juliet.
Luckycool9 chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
I liked the main characters since she is your typical nosy kid because as soon she left her room I knew something good would happen. I also liked how the narrator described both her and Nile's shock perfectly. It seem real. Keep writing and rocking.
Chromatic chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
The names of the characters in the beginning were really attractive. I find out the descriptive language quite enthralling to read.

However this sentence at the very end seemed a little too dramatic.

[This is going to change everything.]

It seems a little far fetched since it was just the sequence of the book wasn't really thrilling. There really wasn't something that was so spectacular about the incident that would leave the reader on their seats. And I just wonder out of curiosity why she didn't go to find him. But that just a thought. But so far so good!
Lady of romance world88 chapter 3 . 9/19/2012
Love it

It is amazing chapter

It is ok andi understand. No worries at all. Hopethat you are well.

This is get so excited and
i want more

Please update soon. Can't wait to read more of this story whenever you to update it soon :) x
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
You didn't by any chance /delete/ the initial version, did you? Because I'm sure I reviewed at least the first chapter but the reviews aren't present...which coincidentally means I can review again with no problem.

This does seem quite different from your original, and definitely a good improvement. I do think though you're over-dragging some of the action description and the length can get a little annoying because you have to dig things out of more words. The first couple of sentences can easily be combined without losing anything, even if the rest caa be simply a case of finding a balance that suits you best. I'm personally okay with the rest as I can be quite a descriptive writer myself, but even I think that first bit is too much of a mouthful to possess a firm grip of meaning.

[She furrowed her brow, her lips mouthing his name as if it was a swear. Edmungus, though she'd never call him that to his face.] - it feels odd with the fullstop in the middle. I think a colon would work better.

[tell him off his parents might've not too long ago] ? Missing punctuation I think.

[His concentration seemed to have reached a painful intensity, his mousey hair was plastered to his head] - either get rid of the "was" or use a semicolon instead of the comma.

I like how you described the concentration because you have elements of both showing and telling in there and it's a nice balance. It's also set up nicely for the shock of the "gawking" and its suddenness.
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
The first thing that I think when I open this up - before I've read a single word - is that your first paragraph is way, way too large. It's eleven lines long on my screen, and the human eye starts to get lost on the page after about five lines. You can push it and make the occasional paragraph a few more than five lines, but you don't want your very first opening one come off as instantly ominous to the reader.

"Chrysocolla" is a mouthful of a name for a main character. If you're going to keep that name, I'd recommend at least shortening it to a nickname most of the time (like "Chrys" for instance).

You have a solid vocabulary and some nice descriptive phrases. It's very easy to picture the scene as it goes along. Personally, this seems a bit short, even for a prologue. (It's only three paragraphs and one final sentence long, after all.) However, I think you end on a fairly strong note. I *am* wondering what the burning of the book could mean - it certainly seems that it means something to Chrys, and that it's not natural.

On a random note, since I already complained about Chrys's name, I'd like to point out that I think "Edmungus Niles" is an awesome name. It sounds a lot like who the character seems to be so far (i.e., very fitting).

So, neat start. Not bad. Break up your paragraphs more. :)

- Moonstar
Velvet Vixen chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
I thought this was an interesting start and I liked the premise of her sneaking around watching Niles do...something. It also made me want to read more and I liked the fact that this may be a world that these characters are just discovering along with the reader but I only got that impression from the fire part so that may be wrong.

However, someone else mentioned the line that didn't make sense ('and tell him off his parents might've not too long ago') but I have a feeling it's just missing a dash like 'and tell him off - his parents might've not too long ago' or something similar. If so, that suggests something else entirely and gives insight which, again, if I'm correct, I think needs to be corrected/changed so the reader gets that extra level too.

The only other thing I think is that it felt as though it didn't make sense as it is - I feel like it needs a bit more about how they're connected as people. Why is she watching him? Is he her brother? Her friend? But, even without it, it's a good prologue and a good start to a story. Good luck with the rest! :)
Raleigh Daniels Jr chapter 3 . 9/6/2012
Where do I begin? Well first off, Canatica was badass! She showed no fear, and she was very tough! Also it was hilarious of how Canatica yanked up scrawny Niles *snicker*. I will treasure that very scene. And when she said, "you're going to be our ticket out of this mess" to Niles, that made me thinking that Niles is basically screwed. Hate to be him. Lue was okay, though he was smart enough for him to give Canatica the map. Mafi, hmm. I can relate to Mafi! Niles, well he's a scaredy cat. I want to know a little more about this Niles guy in the next chapter. Everything else was dead on awesome!

From
MegaRdaniels

P.S Update soon if you can!
Lady of romance world88 chapter 2 . 8/18/2012
Love it and i want more. It is amazing chapter. Please update soon.

Can't wait to read more of this story whenever you have time to udaite it soon.

Woah. I live in Australia too. Hope that we can be friends too :) x
Lady of romance world88 chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
Love the names that you chose it for your characters. And it is amazing prologue too. And i am off to ead the next chapter now :)
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