|Reviews for Run!|
| SimonClemens chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
The structure and grammar is terrible. The use of second person was annoying, although you can say I'm just prejudiced against it. Sure, the repetition helpe us make it understand the narrators desperation...However, the kind of shocking end was...clumsily done.
Some of your errors I'd like to point out:
"when you look back or to your sides(,) you show ((slow))
""She ran her life out" answered the cop with a sad tone on his voice. "Literally, We're not sure why, but we think it might be because of her recent loss."
And: "She was such a talented kid((. or !)) Someone who passed by them said. ((This could be structured better, Like, '"She was such a talented kid." A passerby (man or woman?) said.'
"Yeah((,))" muttered the cop "she was."