|Reviews for Untouchable|
| downandnotout chapter 4 . 8/19/2012
Smells like teen spirit, Nirvana right. Hahha, love it! But it is meant to be bad, so I guess I don't. :S Hahaha. But I love Hank, 'time for round two'. I love his character! And I love Laurie trying to get Teddy and Lana together, that was nice. But I think Lana and Hank would be better, Teddy should be a brother like friend! ‘Nope, I’m much hotter’. Loving that line. And Laurie, she is just awesome, isn’t she? Haha.
Oh no, poor Danny/Daniel. When she rejected him, that must have hurt. Stupid Henry. And what I thought, and still think, is right then. He did inappropriate things to her. Ahhh, awful!
But this was so short! I know you said about not updating in a while, but you should update less and create longer chapters, that would be nicer! :)
| downandnotout chapter 3 . 8/19/2012
WHAT! Lana and Henry were friends! :O But this was interesting, I actually thought it would be Teddy at first and then it turned out to be Henry. This is getting more mysterious, I mean, Henry was being so nice to her. Maybe too nice. But from this, he actually seemed nice, which I am annoyed at myself for thinking that.
Again though, you put 'yea' and, for me and probably me only, it stopped the flow a little bit because I looked at it and thought isn't that meant to be 'yeah' and remembered I mentioned that before. And with the nurse, when she says 'oh my gosh', that seems a little unprofessional. As a nurse in a school, I don't think she would react like that, and I am pretty certain she wouldn't because I do first aid voluntary and you have to try and sound professional and make it seem as though it isn't bad so they don't worry, and 'oh my gosh' would worry someone.
And this chapter seemed a little shorter than the last one. :'( Hahha, but there is another chapter because I am so late reading this, so sorry!
| Alaeryel chapter 4 . 8/17/2012
OMG OMG OMG Hamm-SHORT but BRILLIANT chapter and you playing just the right amount of INTRIGUE AND SUSPENSE to keep us readers on tenterhooks! You leave me DYING FOR MORE! I CANNOT WAIT for another chapter and more information-OUTSTANDING WRITING and STORY!
| Lenni chapter 4 . 8/17/2012
:( Aw, that's sad Lana can't open up to Danny like that because of her past. :) But I laughed at Laurie's interactions with Hank, she seems really kick ass.
Intrigued to see what happens at the dinner!
| GinBrat chapter 4 . 8/17/2012
Ooh! I cant wait for the next chapter! Please update soon!
| ThePhoenixDaughter chapter 2 . 8/17/2012
| Alaeryel chapter 3 . 8/14/2012
This was AMAZING Hamm and I am REALLY REALLY WISHING I had more to read of this story! You have DOWNRIGHT SNARED my ATTENTION AND DAMN IF I DON'T WANT MORE! LOVE THE FLASHBACKS-they just add more INTENSITY and CURIOSITY in my OVER IMAGINED MIND! I am DEFINITELY looking for more-PURE PERFECTION!
| Alaeryel chapter 2 . 8/14/2012
OH BLOODY HELL Hamm-I LOVED the COMPETITION between Lana and Hank-it was PERFECTION! LOVING THIS STORY-the SUSPENSE and ANGST IS OUTSTANDING! I have one more chapter to go but ALREADY WISHING THERE WAS MORE!
| Alaeryel chapter 1 . 8/14/2012
OMG BLOODY BRILLIANT Hamm! The SUSPENSE AND INTRIGUE has captured my HEART and WONDERFUL JOB WRITING! On to the next chapter!
| Lenni chapter 3 . 8/6/2012
I liked the insight you gave further into Lana's past and how you showed a little more of Lana and Laurie's friendship.
Lana's sister rubbed me the wrong way; it seems like after someone's gone through an extremely traumatic experience, the last thing their sister should do is act disappointed when she hasn't "gotten over" it yet. :/
Interesting about Henry, wondering how that relationship is going to eventually develop.
One last thing is the way you mentioned how rich Lana's family is was kind of abrupt by saying "Have I mentioned?"
Otherwise, good job, can't wait to see what happens. :)
| GinBrat chapter 3 . 8/5/2012
Hmmm I didn't see that coming.
Please update soon.
| GinBrat chapter 2 . 8/5/2012
I love Daniel! He is absolutely adorable! Annnd I hate hate hate Henry!
Please update soon.
| Lenni chapter 2 . 7/30/2012
McLovin got a chuckle out of me for sure, haha.
I'm confused about something though; in the prologue the news story mentioned they were on their way to boarding school, did that not happen in the end because of the accident?
I liked Laurie as a character, she seems really perky and nice, and her first words to Daniel were funny as well. However, there was one point during the dialogue between Laurie and Lana in which I couldn't tell who was speaking, because one girl would say something and then there would be an action from the other girl. Putting each girl's dialogue with their actions in the same paragraph would probably clear that up.
There were a few typos here and there and punctuation errors, but other than that, I enjoyed it. I think you've achieved a nice balance between humor and tragedy. I can't wait to read more. :)
| Lenni chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
I'm intrigued. :) I thought it was interesting how you started off the story, with the news coverage of the plane crash. I'd been confused at first about how it was related, but I got my answers soon enough, haha. Lana is an interesting character; I would have liked to get a little more into her head to know what was going, but I get some of that has to be saved for the suspense of the story. Keep up the good work!
| Reader Girl789 chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
this story is really good and the idea is way different and gladly not full of drama and angst like one would expect. you also have good grammatical skills as well as vocabulary. i really like lana and hank the angry dwarf, lol! can't wait till the next chapter!