|Reviews for The McGillpatrick Legacy|
| ZeroGain chapter 1 . 2/21/2014
Excellent intro, detailed characters with all that delicious uniqueness in them, annoying distant relatives, and even an interesting twist with the prose on Molly's orphaning. I love this.
| pulchritude96 chapter 2 . 12/1/2013
Great writing! Absolutely loving the story. Descriptive, and tight, this makes up for a very enjoyable read.
| acchikocchi chapter 24 . 11/11/2013
Well, Finn has been a pretty annoying character up to this point. But I didn't mind at all because you made it easy enough to empathize with him and he has already started to redeem himself. Although I do hope that he and Molly will keep bickering for a little while longer because Molly generally doesn't act like a stereotypical teenager. Which doesn't stand out as a negative thing, it's consistent with how she grew up with her melodramatic aunt constantly fussing over every little thing and sometimes over nothing at all... someone had to be the quiet, accommodating one in their relationship. And when she's arguing with Finn, she seems just more like the fourteen year-old girl she is. They're really cute together, trying to best each other in being bossy know-it-alls.
(Are they just going to become great fiends or will there be some adorably awkward romantic feelings in the mix?)
Emrys is a very tragic character but it makes him quite sympathetic that he doesn't see himself that way. It's admirable that he still enjoys life, well, at least he does now that he has a purpose again.
But I was wondering, could he die if he wished to or if he was heavily wounded? I mean, is he truly immortal or does he just not age?
I know very little about Irish folklore and your descriptions and explanations painted a very vivid picture of the land, creatures and magic, but I think it would have been easier to stay immersed in the story if there weren't so many words that I didn't know how to pronounce. If you added phonetic transcriptions to the footnotes that would be really helpful. And maybe if you put the notes at the top AND the bottom of the page it would be easier to memorize. Because I repeatedly had to return to previous chapters to check again, what a certain word meant. (But that's probably due to me not being a native English speaker, combined with my goldfish memory, so I'm probably the only one with that problem.)
All in all I liked the story, mainly because it's a rather mild one. That may be because of the whole setting: the main characters are pretty young, there are powerful beings who aid them in their quest and what they will try to do has been accomplished before. I'm not afraid for their lives, that's probably it. I'm still excited for what awaits them but not at all worried. Because of the rating I assume that this is all intentional. And I like it that way.
The first half developed a bit slowly, but there was a lot of storytelling to do because of all the necessary background information and the pace picked up when Finn was introduced and with him came a lot more dialogue and verbal conflict.
Oh but the torture of having Emrys interrupt and postpone his story over and over! I am a horribly impatient person and being unable to just skip ahead and read what he was going to recount next was a real challenge.
Which brings me to my last point:
How far along are you with the second installment? Because I'm seriously hooked now and I can't wait to know what's going to happen next!
Thanks for the great read!
| Soothsayer35 chapter 24 . 9/14/2013
I am quite enamored of your writing style and this story. It's so well crafted and incredibly engrossing!
I just found it recently, but I practically devoured the entire story and am on pins and needles waiting for the sequel/rest; cannot wait until you post the next story!
| cinta chapter 12 . 5/10/2013
so far in these few chapters i've found it an interesting read, with fantastic character and plot development.
a few things to look out for:
- it would make much more sense to the reader if you used 'normal' english, rather than ye old english. historically i don't think they spoke as they wrote, and it can get confusing to the point of disengagement. no one would question you if the 'back-in-time' characters spoke normally (without the slang of today obviously).
- the use of old irish names and ideas helps with authenticity, but also adds slight confusion about pronunciation and meaning (and lets face it, i'm just going to lose my place if i'm constantly scrolling up and down). i wouldn't want you to lose that heritage in the story but perhaps there is a way of including the footnoting into the story, without using brackets or being overly obvious? it is definitely a tricky thing to work with. character observations or even story narrations that contain the information?
in any case i'm enjoying it so far and will continue on :) will let you know how it goes at the end ;)
| iheartgod175 chapter 11 . 4/20/2013
This story is absolutely amazing! I'm pretty much glued to the screen reading this. That tour guide sure is a jerk.
Awesome work, by the way!
-God bless, iheartgod175
| ShiftyObserver chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
Commenting as I read.
"Aunt Honora couldn't understand her niece's shortage of enthusiasm for this moment." Unnecessary sentence. The dialogue established this.
"The woman had what Molly's father called a "'whoa is me' attitude", and seemed bound and determined that the world was out to cause her misery and make her suffer." "Woe," not "whoa." I like your description of Honora. It resembles the witty narrative of Lemony Snicket, and how he would go about describing characters.
"…the aunt ridged with excitement and the niece stiff with apprehension." Rigid, not ridged.
Wonderful chapter! I love the idea behind this story, and so I will continue to read it. Good luck and good writing!
| Buddhist Warrior chapter 6 . 10/5/2012
There isn't a Celtic god of death named Druinn. Are you referring to Donn, the Dark One?
| SmilesAllAround chapter 1 . 9/11/2012
wow! This is amazing!
| SchitzoPanda chapter 2 . 9/8/2012
Beutifully crafted, poertry-esque, piece of work there. KEEP IT UP!