Reviews for Water and Light Collection
Abbytjie chapter 4 . 9/6/2012
I love the message in this poem, of knowing you've changed because of your reaction. I can relate to it well.
Abbytjie chapter 3 . 9/6/2012
This one lacks the flow the previous two poems had, it's a bit of a let down.
Abbytjie chapter 2 . 9/6/2012
I don't like the 'beneath a fold of sky' in the second line, it just sounds like a forced metaphor. I like the personifications of the rainclouds.
Abbytjie chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
The word 'our' in the last line is interesting, since it makes the reader wonder why it's plural. The description and imagery is lovely.
Natari Mirumura chapter 4 . 8/22/2012
Worded beautifully, and very relatable. Amazing job, keep it up :D
electrical moon chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
Very nice poems! You have some unique imagery like 'the sunshine is hiding beneath a fold of sky.' I also really liked the last line of the first poem; it was unexpected and really shaped the poem. Overall really lovely work!
Eirien chapter 3 . 8/15/2012
Beautiful, especially with its mixture of atmosphere/ emotions it evokes, the rain could be positive or negative or both. I could really picture this one and almost felt the sensations myself. My favourite in this collection so far.
Eirien chapter 2 . 8/15/2012
Nice, I like the personification of nature in this one (the sun hiding, the clouds sighing). The rhyme gives it a playful touch.
Eirien chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
This is almost a haiku, you could post it as a "modern-day" haiku not strictly adhering to the number of syllables requested. It certainly has the theme of one, with the first two lines describing nature and the third referring to the human dimension.
Loraine Wentworth chapter 3 . 8/10/2012
With this poem, I thought the contrast between the two sections was extremely effective. The first is more 'passive' and calm; a narrator is just witnessing the rain.

In the second section though you give the rain more power- making it really active. It is 'loud' and 'fast', words that can be associated with action. It also has a direct effect on the narrator.

I think you could expand on this a bit here though with more description of what else is happening at the same time- perhaps add to it with more of an impression of the light?

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Loraine Wentworth chapter 2 . 8/10/2012
Again this evokes real memories. I enjoyed the unusual description of the sunshine; you didn't' mention clouds in these first two liens but somehow I interpreted them from the 'fold of sky'.

I also liked the way you anthropomorphised the rain clouds; adding an aura of sadness to them, which is very appropriate for rain!

My reviews today are brought to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon :) Link in my profile :)
Loraine Wentworth chapter 1 . 8/10/2012
I thought this was beautiful. The main beauty of it is that water can be exactly like that; you conjure up my own memories of seeing a lake or a stream.

I also like the mystery you generate by the final line about fortune, bringing out the symbolism of water.
Natari Mirumura chapter 3 . 8/3/2012
Beautiful! So much is said, in such few words. Amazing job, keep it up :D
Natari Mirumura chapter 2 . 8/3/2012
This is lovely. Keep it up :D
Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
This is very nice. Gentle, in a lovely was. Keep it up :D
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