Both chilling and biting. Good work.

I really like this poem for a few reasons. The first is the structure. It flows beautifully in my mind while I read it; not necessarily because it rhymes the whole way or anything, but the words fit together very well. I also enjoy the message that I get from it (whether it's exactly what you intended or not). I thought of it as people always see the negativity in what others do, and criticize them for their wrongs without stopping to think that they are a parallel to it; as in they do wrongs themselves.

I really tried to find something I disliked in it, and perhaps it's just me always seeing the good in everything, but I couldn't succeed in doing so. As such, another element of your work I enjoyed was how you utilized metaphors. I really love the light/dark good/evil vibes you added, especially when you think about how there is equal light and dark in the life, and as such a balance of good and evil is fitting.

All in all, I really enjoyed this and I thank you for uploading it:)

Uhh, that's not bad at all!
I especially liked the start where it goes "A cloak \ Sewn with deceit...", somehow I find those kind of imaginations really fascinating.. It really shows off the true intentions of the wearer, without saying directly.. it's such a cool way of writing... XD

It might be me who has a slightly shorter-than-average attention span, but I somehow lost track of WHO the hypocrite actually was.. :s

Well written though, was a nice read anyhow :)

The way you've structured this piece is great, using the first stanza to introduce a main theme: the power of darkness, then giving practical evidence of its subtle outworkings in day to day life before moving into a kind of lament (not sure what word to use there)
Some of the images were really striking: that of darkness flicking off switches and shadows sneaking through cracks. Even the lady getting out of a cold bed I found striking because beds are usually associated with warmth then the line 'warmth blackened with tar' soon after... I instantly thought cigarette and the juxtaposition of warmth which, linking back to the bed thing I would associate with safety, with tar, a representative of the danger of smoking, was really striking. The image of playing with the monster was really vivid too.
I can't help but feel though that the tone in the final stanzas takes away a little from the effectiveness of the previous ones. To me the direct address to the sun gives the poem the air of a childlike rant partly because of your use of the word pathetically, which was clever in terms of the meaning but always sounds like a childish insult to me when I hear it.

First of all, the wording to this is simply lovely. So much twisting and turning... I like the confusion that this causes. Nearly like a chant, almost. One of my favorite stanzas was the innocence one, simply because of how it sounds. :)
Second, it flows wonderfully. There's a couple of rhyms in there, though the whole thing doesn't. You have a cool repetion pattern going on here, though it takes some time to tell. I love the constant repeats of the words sin, as if you're emphasising that point. I also think 'the bright light that shines pathetically' was quite clever of you. ;) All in all, so far, nothing wrong with the flow.
Thirdly, you have awesome imagery going on. May I ask what inspired this? Slightly sweet yet slightly disturbing, I interpretted it as maybe a dark secret affair, or maybe just a dark romance in particular.
All in all, a wonderful piece(I'm starting to sound like a broken record) and I'm going to shut up and favorite this now. ;)

I really liked some of the imagery and descriptions here, especially throughout the beginning. A lot of the descriptions are new and inventive, and it makes certain lines in the poem stick out. Like these:
"The darkness creeps stealthily forward
Flicking off switches as it goes."
and
"Shadows cast,
They sneak through cracks
And windowpanes."

I think it trailed off a little and lost its impact at the end, though. I'm not sure what the theme of the poem is, it starts with darkness, moves to adultery and theft and then ends on hypocrisy and I'm not sure how those things connect with each other. I did feel it maybe rambled a little bit here:
"Innocence,
Sweet innocence
Which the sun watched
Through the day.

That bitter innocence
It abandoned
For weariness…
Perhaps it always knew"

Overall, I think it was a refreshing read. Your metaphors and similes are long reaching, in a way that they occur throughout a whole stanza, something I'm not personally used to, but I really liked the imagery. Nice work. Good luck in the WCC!

This is amazing. There is so much that I can comment on but I don't know where to start! This whole thing stole my breath away. Your vivid imagery, awesome wordplay, the spectacular way you described everything, the exquisite word choice, flawless grammer, playful line set up... I can go on... but ALL of it was genius. Pure genius. Great, great, great, write.