|Reviews for Misery|
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
I definitely liked the emotion in the narrator's voice here, though I felt that his narration itself was almost detached in a way, which I thought was interesting. That worked for you here, as letting the reader be an observer instead of a participant adds somewhat to the horror of the situation, I think.
This is also a fairly interesting interpretation of the prompt, and while I haven't had time to read the other entries, I do like this piece in particular, because it's well-written and has a strong narration.
| RinaJewelz chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
I love this piece. It's well written with dark multi layered imagery.
What I love most is the ambiguity. There is the plains facts of what's happening; unless he's having a drunken delusion... and then left in my mind there's all these questions: who is Misery? Whose her dad? Why does he owe so much, what were the circumstances around him taking out this loan?
I love how your description of Misery always leaves her on the fringes of metaphor yet with her sharp nails and leather boots it's still solid enough for her to simply be a real person.
Great oneshot :)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
I find this would work better with less commas as the commas somewhat unhinge the flow of this piece. The commas become a little jarring, particularly at the beginning when it’s not particularly suspenseful and simply setting the scene. On the other hand, I really loved the description, particularly towards the end. Firm and almost vicious in a sense, but still contained a sense of subtleness within it.
Best of luck in the WCC.
| seredemia chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
This is such a good oneshot *_*
I really like how the girl is called Misery, because you kinda don't know whether it's a genuine girl or if it's just a metaphor of what misery can do to you. But either way, the impact it delivers is pretty good. I love how you characterised Misery. She's so cool and badass, and yet you really managed to keep the whole 'polite' thing (or as polite as someone can get when they're about to murder someone).
Either way, this was a really good idea and I'm in awe of how you actually managed to think of this. In a way, it's a pretty simple oneshot of a girl called Misery killing someone... BUT I REALLY LIKE HER NAME OKAY. THAT'S THE BEST PART. And you descriptions! Such good writing
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Wow. I don't stand a chance, here.
Your narrative style is a perfect blend of action and description, it never feels clunky or forced. The emotions come out really strong, too, and it feels really like they're driving the piece.
Dialogue is great, very natural and flows really smoothly.
Misery's characterization was done well, with this short piece I could really get a feel for her and it made the whole thing more interesting.
Best of luck in the WCC, I really mean it. I hope you win.
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
I liked this short. The beginning had me thinking it was another "personify abstract emotions" type of narrative, but I was pleasantly surprised. Great descriptions and very good pacing, this read very smoothly on my part. His name being John Smith really surprised me, somehow it contradicted the underlying backstory by suggesting he's like any other regular Joe.
I can imagine John as a bit of a coward, constantly down on his luck, gambling and drinking away his cash, while Misery is remarkably cruel and cold and probably a habitual murderer. Nice work putting us inside John's head, building up the fear and anxiety. Your writing flows very nicely, we'll done.
Good luck in the WCC!
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
This strikes me as a very figurative piece. We have the ordinary male character (appropriately named 'John Smith') and the beguiling, yet terrifying Misery. Their whole exchange had me wondering who exactly her father is and what kind of debt John owed him. It sounds like he had to pay a price for taking her for granted ten years ago. The descriptions were quite unique and darkly sensual towards the end. They really brought out the best of short piece.
Good luck in the WCC!
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
I really enjoyed the premise to this short-story. You also have a very nice narrative voice - your variation between shorter sentences and longer sentences keeps a nice pace so that things don't get boring. I also enjoyed the amount of detail you put into the story. Not too much to make the pacing drag, but also enough to get the picture across. I noticed you also do a great job keeping John's anxiety convincing and consistent from the moment he sees Misery. The way you build on the story of the connection between them is also executed very well.
I found the way you named the characters to be quite interesting. You have Misery who obviously embodies the concept of 'misery,' especially for John, and then you have John Smith which is probably the most generic name a person could invent inside the US. I get the impression that John may have changed his name to keep himself hidden from Misery's father, which says a lot about how a person wouldn't want to fuck with the guy.
The only suggestions I have would be to eliminate some of the adverbs. While a few made sense, I felt some of the others were a little distracting and detracted from the overall presentation. For example:
[She smiles and the pointed tips of her incisors gleam promisingly against the orange glow of her lighter.]
I think this sentence would do better without the 'promisingly.' It's rather hard to imagine how a gleam on someone's teeth is promising, so it tripped me up a bit when trying to picture it.
[It splashes, thinly and quickly, and spreads into every tiny grain along the wooden floors.]
Here I think if you made 'thinly and quickly' into 'thin and quick' it'll flow a little better with the rest of the sentence.
[The gas drips musically from the nozzle onto the counter. ]
Here, I liked what you were trying to get across with the gas 'musically' dripping from the nozzle. But... I dunno. The word 'musically' sounded awkward to me. I'm not really sure of a word you could use to substitute it. Personally I'd just take out 'musically,' or maybe replace it with some onomatopoeia. Like pitter-patter, maybe? I'm probably thinking too much into this, lol.
[Misery finds me lying on the floor of Eaton's local dive bar, a place where the women came cheaper only than the beer served there.]
This sentence came off as weird to me, maybe a little too wordy. Because it's your open sentence, I'm going to suggest shortening it. Maybe like this:
"Misery finds me lying on the floor of Eaton's local dive bar, a place where the women come cheaper than the beer they serve."
Gets across the same message but is a little more to the point.
Anyways, I really liked this. Good luck in the WCC this month! :)
| poisedtokill chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
I don't know what the "review game" is but I liked this one shot. Good imagery, interesting characters.