Reviews for The Xaphan Chronicles |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Does the Xaphan/Fawn story exist somewhere? |
![]() ![]() ![]() *huggles* Love this c: Xaphan sounds like an amazing character. He has so much potential in a drawn out story, y'know? I love you you kept good track of tenses and managed to make Fawn sound like a believable human being. Complete with varying emotions c: Your descriptions are very clear. I got a really great picture of Fawn's angel in my head. Sex scene was good and believable! You never see that anymore, it's like, 'I'm a virgin, but I'm rolling in the throes of passion hurrdurr'. Yours was realistic; there was pain, but satisfaction. You made it clear that they had a connection without saying 'Oyah we hav connektion, fo' realz!'. c: Loved that. Constructive criticism: Commas, doll. I mean, I'm really anal about those things, but not everyone is. It kinda threw the tone off when certain pauses that were supposed to be there just weren't. One other thing, you use Xaphan's name a lot. It's the easiest way to distinguish between Fawn and him, but try branching out there c: Some parts came off a bit jerky and stunted, but that happens to everyone, so I wouldn't even worry about it. Can't wait for more c: 3 |