lulu0000 chapter 2 . 9/11/2012
This was really interesting. Looks like alot of charcaters though. Try not to add any more. :) Like it.
David Goff chapter 2 . 8/5/2012
This is the reason I read. Not to say that shadow games was bad, but this chapter blows it all away. It's moving at the right pace, (Although putting Tye in the story so soon after you added Charlotte may not have been the best thing. Try waiting a little longer next time.) It's a very interestind plot, and it makes me curious about why their illegal, what sets them apart so that they need to where desguises, and what's so important about Charlotte Malrose. Keep it up!

Taz-dragon chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
Very good so far! I look forward to reading more.
David Goff chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
OMG I can't wait to see how this story developes. The style is nice, and different than the feel of the shadow games. This shows that you have a great variety! You are extremely talented. You could do this in real life and make a good career out of it. Keep it up!

Onearmwonder21 chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Interesting u had me hooked at the last line. As always best friends can turn into ur worst enemy in a heartbeat.
Taz-dragon chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Very good! I look forward to reading more.
XerachiellaFlame chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
This seems interesting! You seem to have thought this out well, and I can feel a good storyline building. There are a few issues however, that you'll need to sort out. I'm sorry if I'm a little critical, but I'd like to see this story be the best it can be.

"I live in a fake place. I'm real, and not a ghost, but I mean-I'm also not real. Not real to thousands. Real to hundreds."

Your opening line is confusing.I'd suggest changing it to something like: "I live in a place that "doesn't exist". I'm real, and yet I'm not real. Real to hundreds, yet not real to thousands."

Further down, you've used brackets. That's perfectly fine, but I would suggest taking them out. It makes the story flow a little better. So you could write, "If I were to walk in Siliter or Ponk, which are two big cities that are near us, with no disguise..."

In the next line, there's a tiny typo. You've written "So how so we live?" while it should read "So how do we live?"

The final line has a grammatical error. "Friended" is not a word. It should either read "Of course, that was until I became friends with someone. Someone who was going to kill me." or "Of course, that was until I befriended someone. Someone who was going to kill me."

If you sort these issues out, you'll have a great story! :D