|Reviews for Tonight|
| xMidnight-Ivy chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
Nice poem! It gets very deep. I like the stanza where it talks about the bed and how it should have been bigger, but it only shrank. The last stanza is great, but I feel that the last line could be a little longer. The rhyme with 'tonight' and 'goodnight' feels a little rushed to me, but that's just my opinion. I think there should be three more syllables between 'monsters' and 'to'. For example: I will miss you tonight when I have only the blackness to embrace me and the monsters that haunt me, to kiss me goodnight.
I don't know if you want the monsters to be haunting, but that's just an example.
Also, with the second to last stanza, there's a bit of a tense issue. The person in the poem is missing a person that is gone, correct? I think it would be better with: "you who would reassure me of myself...with every word you'd say." The 'who can make me feel' should be changed to 'who would make me feel' if you decide to edit the others as well.
Oh my goodness. I didn't know my review would go on this long...Sorry about that. I truly like your story, and I want to help make it even better! But now looking back on this, I'm a little confused. The last stanza: "I will miss you tonight" says that the person isn't gone yet, but yet the stanzas before that sound like the person is already gone. I think it should be: "I miss you tonight", instead of "I will miss you tonight", just because it sounds better that way, at least to me. If you decide to change that, then try to edit the second line "when I have only the darkness to embrace me" to "with only the darkness to embrace me".
Sorry again for writing so much. Feel free to not change the poem. They're just some suggestions, but the deciding factor is you. :)
| Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
Oh my feels! This hit my feelings hard, such a good piece and I have to say the last lines:
"I will miss you tonight
when I have only the blackness to embrace me
and the monsters to kiss me goodnight."
They were my absolute favourites and I think they just perfect; if you ever edit this I'll be upset!
Love this :)
| thetabbykitteh chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Aw how sad and heartfelt. Loved the monster reference.