|Reviews for South High Academy!|
| Anxious Axolotl chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Your story has a lot of potential, you're quite good at dialogue and telling most of your story through dialogue so I was surprised that you had the characters introducing themselves at the start. Swapping from first person to third person a bit awkward feeling, but swapping from several POVs and then to third person completely stops you from having any sort of flow.
Not saying you didn't have flow, the part in third person was good! Just it felt jarring to jump around so much. I'm pretty sure I can't remember that 500 words or so about all the characters from the start, so I think introducing it more slowly and eventually while the characters develop would make it easier to remember. It would also a feel a lot more important discovering with the character, rather than being presented with a list of traits and other stuff at the start.
Like I said, your dialogue is good, but even when they're in class they're still talking! I think maybe there needs to be a bit more action to break it up a bit.
I'm curious to see where the story goes, so I hope you update soon!