Reviews for Soul of Embers
SimonClemens chapter 5 . 8/14/2012
I will take no excuses for bad grammar; there are plenty of betas (INCLUDING ME hint hint) who are willing to beta-read for such things. And if you are confident enough in your mastery of English to publish a work in English, I will treat you as such. Now, I begin my review:
Errors-
"he grabbed my hand and we flew." He grabbed my hand.
"Well aren't you adorable, I've been dieing to meet you!" DYING to meet you. She's been dying.
"Your not a carnivore like your ancestors right?" YOU'RE not a carnivore. The second time you use it is right.
"I waited for him to take a bight first." To take a BITE first.

"It's just a couple of food you can find at the pixie springs, they have weird names. I don't even know what they are called." JUST some FRUITS you can find at the pixie springs.
Logic note: He knows thet have weird PIXIE names, but he, a PIXIE, does not know the name of what he's eating?! You just don't want to have to make up fruit names, huh?
Also: "Not as beautiful as you." he said quietly. I was walking away and didn't hear him" ... THEN HOW DID SHE KNOW HE SAID THAT?!
Back to grammar:
"Zundae, I gotta tell you something. Ever since I met you, my life has been so mush better." ...HAHAHA, I'm sorry, I'm just so happy Jansen's life is so MUCH better and has not gotten soft and corn-mealy. Although here much romantic, very abrupt mush is to be had.
This is as far as I can go, I'm sorry.
Good luck on the rest...of that flat love triangle.
I'm sure Mary Sue Zundae will end up saving the day or doing some right and not developing as a character, ever.
SimonClemens chapter 3 . 8/13/2012
Hi again, prepare to cringe at my two cents!
First of all, this: " I was rather entertained by their ignorant fascinations." THIS is how she talks about her 'beloved' parents?! Already patronizing them like they're dirt?
Also, the load here:"umm yeah…" I replied trying my best to lie, even though I could tell they weren't buying it. By now, my friend Ezra showed up and was staring at me. He is very cute, well I think he is. Most people are scared of him since he wears a lot of black. He has long, strait black hair with red streaks, and these bright blue eyes. He used to cut himself until he got a girlfriend and she straitened him out" Um, yeah, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL
STRAIGHT. Strait like that refers to land or strait jackets.
And once again, the Mary Sue must have her boy toy.
Tell me the logic of this one, I'm dying to know: "I can't stand it when one of my few close friends are in pain. If you start hurting yourself, im going to go back to my old habits." After capitalizing "I'm" right, he'll hurt himself so she learns...it's wrong to hurt herself?! By hurting her by hurting himself?! God, this hurts my brain.
AND THIS MONSTER HERE:"Maybe so, but he has the potential to harness the knowledge of the "other world", and would be a wonderful learner. We have to kidnap him so we can teach him." Hooray, illegal activity for the win.
I'm so glad that Stacy is very accepting about that.
And Ezra's taking this awfully well, too. Does this whole "warrior that may just be put into life-threatening danger" not faze him? Over the course of a minute, he's fine with it? Reality is not operating in this world. Everyone is on LSD or Xanax, or what I call MarySue Nerve Gas.
That's why everyone is so mellow about earth-shattering revelations, saying "You're a demon dragon" like I would say "You dropped a quarter" to a person.
Heh.
However, I thank you for yet another inherently funny phrase: Pixie School. I burst out laughing everytime.
SimonClemens chapter 1 . 8/13/2012
Another Mary Sue. Hybrid this time.
I just wish that a Mary Sue could be done RIGHT, but it's characteristics mean it will always be flat.
You can't make a great character from untempered wish fulfillment. You will always make every character love her and anyone who doesn't is ALWAYS an evil, mean, or rude bitch/a-hole, the Mary Sue will always have these incredible powers and whine about them/brag about them when not angsting about some horrible, traumatic and dramatic past event. They will always dress/present themselves in a way that's impractical or showy, whether it's a ballgown or a spike collar and EMO/GOTH ATTIRE.
Also, Stacy/Zundae is taking all this despicably well. Suddenly her REAL mother walks in, with no no explaining as to WHY she gave her up for adoption, cuts her arm open and splashes blood on it, and says she's got to train the very next day.
By the way, which person does she refer to as mother now? The adoptive or the biological?
Also, some if your many mistakes:
"I stared at her in disbelieve." At least she has DISBELIEF.
"He had black marking((s)) on his face that looked like flames,"
"With all this running through my mind, I dozed of to sleep." She dozed OFF to sleep.
Stuff like that. Also, "Since I am sorta shy and really sensitive"...Ookay, who talks about themselves like that?
Who TALKS about being painfully shy?! They SHOW it!
Well, it is obvious Pixie Boy is just there to be her love/mentor, so whatever. He isn't even really a character; he's freaking cardboard. I don't even remember his name though I just read it, he's sooo flat.

Take a Mary Sue test for your characters.
KayMacD chapter 22 . 8/12/2012
Whaaaaaaaat? This story's over already? But...but...
I really enjoyed it though, while it lasted, and I'm looking forward to the sequel. :D Intense drama, introduced antagonists, and big battles are all things that make me grin in the dark, and I'm really looking forward to reading these things.
Update soon!
Loves to read chapter 18 . 8/9/2012
I think it's awesome just the way it is it reminds me of an anime cartoon and in books there are always side challenges. The main challenge in this is to get the demon bones for what ever the elder womans Ritual is
KayMacD chapter 20 . 8/11/2012
Whaaat?! That is such a cliffhanger!
Just one thing. I thought the waterfall was farther in the forest, closer to where Aunt Zyref was than where Chie was. But other than that, it seems structurally sound.
I was wondering if you could read my story if you find the time, but it's okay if you can't.
Update soon!
KayMacD chapter 19 . 8/10/2012
Oh goodness. I hope Chie is okay.
There's a random spot in the chapter where there's just an H in a paragraph. So you might want to edit that out. :)
I like the chat with Ezra. It's nice to see an insecure side of him. It makes it feel more real.
Update soon!
KayMacD chapter 18 . 8/8/2012
Aww. Poor Ezra.
But yay! They rescued Stacy/Zundae, which is awesome. And she gets to keep the pretty dress, which is also pretty awesome.
So yeah. Update soon!
KayMacD chapter 17 . 8/8/2012
Wow. Fox demons are really weird. :/ But yay for Eddy! Woo-hoo!
I can sort of feel that this story doesn't really have a determined destination, if you know what I mean. It's pretty out there, and there's a lot of rapid change. Like, first it's trying to train, then it's trying to decide between Ezra and Jansen, and now they're trying to run dangerous errands for Chie. It would be nice if there was one predetermined goal and everything else, like Ezra and Jansen dillemas, could happen while the goal is trying to be acheived.
My advice is that you should get yourself an outline fast and write out the plot. No author really LIKES doing that (at least I don't) but it'll be a great preventer of writer's blocks and will make your summaries easier to write. :)
If you update this story, I will read it. Even if there's 67 chapters and I'm still the only one. :)
KayMacD chapter 9 . 8/7/2012
I saw that your story had seventeen chapters and no reviewers, and my heart started crying for you. So I decided to read your story. :) I get that I'm only halfway through, but I'll finish it tomorrow and review at the end.
The story is really more about the love triange than the actual dragon demon war, but it's sweet and it's nice. It's interesting to compare Ezra and Jansen; they're so different. I'm sort of flipping back in forth between them. Jansen's sweet and romantic, and Ezra is more real and a good person to be around. :)