|Reviews for In The Waiting Room|
| Kay Iscah chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
Needs capital letters, i pronoun and start of sentences.
Otherwise good poem. Simple image, solid symbolism, and not too long for the idea.
| ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
This poem made me think of a song I've listened to a thousand times before, "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. It uses that line, [in the waiting room,] though it's in a different context. The nostalgia that line brings is why I even mentioned the song, though.
I like the way you've got the lines spaced. It gives the poem a good flow and I like how it reads, though I do feel as though the beginning and ending repetition don't really match how artsy and emotional the middle passage is.
| Deranged Dairy Products chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
I enjoyed the repetition of the start and end, and the overall sense of longing, though I think you could afford to be more obvious in some regards, and less obvious in other. While you mentioned in your poem's description that it takes place at a train station's waiting room, there's nothing in the poem itself that signifies that this is the case. Perhaps you could give us some sights and sounds to present a clearer sense of place.
I also think that poetry should give the reader enough details to provide some mental imagery, but not enough that we don't have to think for ourselves. For example, instead of just saying 'tapping my foot impatiently', what are some other descriptive way ways to portray this that would get the reader's mind ticking? Because as it stands, I just feel like I don't have to apply myself enough to discern meaning from the piece. Similes and metaphors are always useful in this regard; perhaps something like 'my foot dancing an erratic jig of longing'. Would just give a bit more depth to things.
| B.R. McNair chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
I'll start by saying that the poem was good. I liked the subject and I could feel emotion in your words. But before jumping into my review, I'd like to say that I'm wondering whether you left the first word of each line not capitalized intentionally or by accident. I don't mind if it was done intentionally, but in this case I'm having trouble seeing the artistic merit of doing so.
Anyways, here I go. I like how you begin and end with the same four lines, even though they are ordered a bit differently. It really expresses quite well how waiting for someone, or really anything important at all, feels like some kind of never-ending cycle that keeps going and going until you drive yourself crazy worrying about it. The poem is very short, yet I feel that it still captures that feeling well. My only real criticism is the meter of the middle. You kind of lose your rhythm when the lines get shorter. It just felt a little awkward and choppy there. Other than that it was a fine poem and I hope to see more from you.
P.S.- I saw you at Roadhouse (If you decide to review me back, do Trials of the Son P)
Peace and love,
| RinaJewelz chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
That was really good. I love the concept and the way the narrative unfolds. It felt like I was reading what should have been prose though. When I was reading, I read it as prose and it became easier for me to read. As poetry, it didn't flow well for me, especially at the beginning. It felt like there was no rhythm until the middle when the speaker begins to question themselves. Still loved it though :)
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
Hi from roadhouse!
I liked how you showed how nervous one can get whilst waiting. I also like the question the speaker asks to the person they're waiting on.
I'm curious as to whom he's waiting on, and what the setting/event is. For some reason, I think he's in a hospital waiting room, or some important area like that. I don't know why I figure that, but yeah...
Great poem! :D
| SilenceInHonour chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
The poem has such a solitary feel which comes across nicely from the character and the repetition. It feels like a snippet of this persons thoughts, their life. It makes me wonder what kind of relation they have to the person they are waiting for...