|Reviews for Darkling|
| Dramatic Irony chapter 17 . 12/16/2012
"Apparently, we'd viscously attacked a man and shot a woman..." I assume that you meant "viciously"? Watch for typos and spelling errors.
There is no transition whatsoever between the hotel scene and the taxi:
"Come on, then," I said. "Let's get out of here."
"Where you kids heading?" The taxi driver, an elderly, gray-haired man demanded in his gruff voice.
...Make sure that the reader knows when there's a change in setting or scene.
I don't remember Sicily's Dream ever being mentioned before, so I was surprised and clueless when Indigo said that they were going there. Double-check that the bar was mentioned as part of the plan sometime before.
"Her kohl-rimmed eyes widened. I wasn't sure why, but they did." Cut down on wordiness and end with "I wasn't sure why."
I have the feeling that Xavier thinks Indigo is oblivious or purposely ignoring his romantic interest in her after he questioned her about her insight into his mind. This should be leading up to some interesting drama, haha.
I'd almost forgotten that the three of them are dhampirs, since they do actually drink blood. When does the transition to vampirism begin, and how long does it take? I anticipate that the change will cause problems for them if they'll be on the run for a while. Especially since there was such an emphasis earlier in the story about how not everyone survives the transition.
| LiveLoveRead95 chapter 17 . 12/13/2012
OMG.. I found this story and wasn't able to stop reading. It is so good and addicting. I want to read more. Really Good! Can't wait. ;3
| Baulemare chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
A bit long, but it's got really good description, and people can tell you've put a lot of thought into this idea. I really like the first paragraphs the best.
| RYTwinDemon chapter 16 . 12/10/2012
Intriguing. I can't seem to guess where this is going. Update soon! :)
| RYTwinDemon chapter 13 . 12/10/2012
Och, that was pretty callous of Xavier. Poor Indigo.
| RYTwinDemon chapter 11 . 12/10/2012
Finally! Hahaha, I was wondering when that would happen. Did I mention that I love your story? Because I really do. It's unorthodox and I love that. The romance aspect is developing nicely, and I love that there are elements of action in it. Kudos to you! :D
| RYTwinDemon chapter 10 . 12/10/2012
Patch's obsession with Indigo is pretty intriguing. Can't wait to see where this leads!
| RYTwinDemon chapter 7 . 12/10/2012
I love stories that keep you guessing. Yours did, and I absolutely adored that. I love how the training started out. Keep up the good work! :D
| RYTwinDemon chapter 4 . 12/10/2012
Damn, that last line made my heart skip a beat. HAHAHA. Xavier's quite sexy, in a realistic way. I like how things are progressing! Awesome work! :)
| RYTwinDemon chapter 3 . 12/10/2012
I love the interactions between Xavier and Indigo. Definitely not your typical vampire story. Kudos to you! :D
| RYTwinDemon chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
Pretty interesting! I really liked the fight scene, by the way. Indigo's pretty badass, which I always love in a heroine. :)
| Dramatic Irony chapter 16 . 11/26/2012
A very exciting and intriguing turn of events! I must applaud Indigo's resourcefulness in getting that phone (hahaha) and her sense of loyalty. Has she always hated her father/parents? I don't remember them ever being mentioned before-it's always a good idea to somehow put in some backstory about the parents if they'll appear in the story later.
Interesting how Indigo was given a bugged phone number-I wonder what all this secrecy is all about. I smell an underground insurgence. The tactic of revealing more info about previous plot developments while still leaving readers hanging is nicely done in this chapter-we have an idea of what's going on, just enough to speculate about it, but not enough to predict anything solid.
It's apparent that Bunny and Indigo's relationship is still strained. But you don't want to leave that kind of character development at a standstill-keep things dynamic, especially since they'll be forced to work together to escape. On the other hand, any changes in their relationship should be gradual and realistic-if they make up or fight more, don't let that development progress too quickly to be natural.
Watch out for typos-there are occasionally misspelled words, like "enflamed."
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/14/2012
Interesting turn of events. Those deaths were too frequent and close together to be coincidental.
I realize that there has to be some kind of inciting incident so that Indigo's search for the truth can be introduced, but the encounter with Julianne seems too random to be natural-it feels slightly contrived because she's just a random character who's been thrown into the scene. Try doing a little intro in an earlier scene to set up something like this-it could be as simple as saying that person A is the roommate down the hall or whatever you feel would work.
Indigo and Xavier's relationship is moving too quickly to seem natural, either. They need to interact more and get to know each other more as individuals before a strong romantic attachment would seem plausible.
Hahahaha, memory sticks. That's hilarious. Nice futuristic touches.
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 15 . 11/12/2012
So, why is the computer older than 2000? or is it just running windows? I ask because a computer running Linux that's newer than 1990 would detect and open the file with barely noticeable delay (as in milliseconds) Linux would be the only way to have a computer that old still function due to the fact that it would have hardware so old that the drivers would be updated automatically by windows and the hardware would then stop being supported whereas Linux uses internal generic drivers that work on anything from the 80s to today with updates that don't typically drop support for older hardware like windows does.
| Dramatic Irony chapter 14 . 11/4/2012
"He was screaming like someone was gorging his eyes out." I believe that what you meant was "gouging his eyes out," correct?
I like the idea of having people drop dead one at a time to hint at the fact that the training environment is not what it seems, but the fact that several people die in this chapter alone makes the technique seem a little rushed, forced, and sudden. Try spacing them further apart in time so that it seems like a more continuous, recurrent problem.
Looks like Bunny has finally grown a backbone. To me, this angry, resentful scene she has with Indigo is a real moment of character growth, because she seemed quite meek and passive before.
I don't know if it's just me having a faulty memory or the previous chapters or both, but Taylor and Jer seem to have come out of nowhere. If characters are significant in some way, make sure that they appear in scenes often enough so that the reader doesn't forget who they are.