|Reviews for Darkling|
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/14/2012
Interesting turn of events. Those deaths were too frequent and close together to be coincidental.
I realize that there has to be some kind of inciting incident so that Indigo's search for the truth can be introduced, but the encounter with Julianne seems too random to be natural-it feels slightly contrived because she's just a random character who's been thrown into the scene. Try doing a little intro in an earlier scene to set up something like this-it could be as simple as saying that person A is the roommate down the hall or whatever you feel would work.
Indigo and Xavier's relationship is moving too quickly to seem natural, either. They need to interact more and get to know each other more as individuals before a strong romantic attachment would seem plausible.
Hahahaha, memory sticks. That's hilarious. Nice futuristic touches.
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 15 . 11/12/2012
So, why is the computer older than 2000? or is it just running windows? I ask because a computer running Linux that's newer than 1990 would detect and open the file with barely noticeable delay (as in milliseconds) Linux would be the only way to have a computer that old still function due to the fact that it would have hardware so old that the drivers would be updated automatically by windows and the hardware would then stop being supported whereas Linux uses internal generic drivers that work on anything from the 80s to today with updates that don't typically drop support for older hardware like windows does.
| Dramatic Irony chapter 14 . 11/4/2012
"He was screaming like someone was gorging his eyes out." I believe that what you meant was "gouging his eyes out," correct?
I like the idea of having people drop dead one at a time to hint at the fact that the training environment is not what it seems, but the fact that several people die in this chapter alone makes the technique seem a little rushed, forced, and sudden. Try spacing them further apart in time so that it seems like a more continuous, recurrent problem.
Looks like Bunny has finally grown a backbone. To me, this angry, resentful scene she has with Indigo is a real moment of character growth, because she seemed quite meek and passive before.
I don't know if it's just me having a faulty memory or the previous chapters or both, but Taylor and Jer seem to have come out of nowhere. If characters are significant in some way, make sure that they appear in scenes often enough so that the reader doesn't forget who they are.
| Dramatic Irony chapter 13 . 10/21/2012
Hi. First of all, I'd like to apologize because I haven't had the time to read through each of these chapters and comment on them until now, which is why this will be quite long.
Your story is strongly reminiscent of The Passage by Justin Cronin, and the training grounds environment reminds me of The Hunger Games. Looks like you've made good use of a trend. But although your plotline may not be the most original one in this context, it is still intriguing enough because of your thorough worldbuilding; I have a good understanding of what this society is like and how people live.
That being said, I would say that your strongest asset is your cast of characters. Indigo is one of the most compelling protagonists I've seen in a while, and her numerous flaws give you a lot of material to work with. At the same time, she's well-developed, so these flaws and her bitchiness are not the only aspects of who she is. Other characters like Xavier, Patch, and Bunny are engaging, too, and your handling of Indigo's relationships with other people is generally quite competent. However, I will comment that Bunny seems just slightly underdeveloped-just a little. Whenever I think of her, I imagine a girl who can't really fend for herself and not much else.
Watch out for typos and spelling errors. Sometimes there are apostrophes where there shouldn't be, and other versions of common grammatical mistakes.
Keep writing and update regularly. I look forward to seeing what happens next, both in terms of the do-or-die storyline and Indigo's growth.
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 11 . 10/9/2012
She's gonna run into that human and he's probably going to ne there as part of a raid by the humans to free their comrades... And I doubt he's going to be hapy to see her... mwhahahahaah I wrote ot so it must be true!
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 9 . 10/9/2012
Fun fact: It's been proven that humans can tell when they are being stared at! O.o Anyway loving the story so far. but why is it that she couldn't break his grip on her? I was taught a move designed to break exactly that type of grip and sen the person face first into the wall they're pinning me against, even if they are stronger than you. are dhampirs not taught any moves to use a person's strength against them? Also did bunny feed? O.o She doesn't seem the type to kill a human.
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 8 . 10/6/2012
Is hunting animals beneath them or something? Personally I'd feel sorry for the humans, and besides, didn't she like human music better than vampire music? Why wouldn't she try to preserve the race that made the music she likes (and for that matter invented all of the stuff they are using to keep themselves alive)? Also humans may be loud, but horses are louder, they'd be heard well in advance. Lastly if there are creatures out there that can easily dispatch the "superior" dhampirs, how are the lowly humans surviving? Do humans have better survival instincts or are we just better at hiding than dhampirs (even though we are so noisy)? Personally I'd hide in a tree, use my shoelaces as a rope, and drop down on the first dhampir that passes under me, wrapping the shoelaces around their throat, and break their neck. Then I'd take their bow and arrows, drag the now paralyzed (because they might not have died from having their neck broken) dhampir out of sight, gag them with their own clothing (my scent would just be torture if they were still alive, and they've already been through enough by my hand, so I'd give them a break there) so that they don't alert anybody else by yelling, and wait until sunrise. The reason I'd be so calm would be that if I hadn't already learned to stay calm in a world controlled by vampires I'd already have died. I kinda lost some respect for Indigo when she turned up her nose at the possibility of having to hunt animals to survive.
| Miles-tails-prowler chapter 7 . 10/5/2012
I love this story! You do realize that the things they have been doing are things a human can do. Honestly I think that a human in that world would have a pretty good survival rate because we are so adaptable. Especially us Canadians snd the Russians. We're tough, and the Russians are ridiculously tough! (think ww1 and ww2) I say bring it on vampires! Humanity will always survive!
| vampireprincess003 chapter 7 . 10/1/2012
D: UPDATE SOON PLZ I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY I CAN TELL IT WILL BE REALLY GOOD. Lol another thing I forgot to tell you in my review in comets is that my name is Isis so I found that cool and another weird thing is that my bros name is Orland xD
| GlassSpyress chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
Wow. That was great. I love how you perfectly word every sentence. And the details flow with such rythem. I'll keep reading. If you keep writing. Lol. If you dont mind, could you review my story? I would love it if someone with as much talent as you reviewed it. Thanks! Keep being awesome!
| its me.again chapter 3 . 8/22/2012
I have officially readeverything that is currently on your profile.