|Reviews for The Unfortunate Girl in the Cruel Hall|
| acchikocchi chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
Okay, that was just majorly sweet.
It's highly unlikely that they would have met again, but I think one big "coincidence" in a story is perfectly alright and from what I've read of your works so far it's not like you make a habit out of it or something.
This is one of those stories that are perfectly balanced on the verge of sappiness without tipping over the scale, so it gives you warm fuzzies in your stomach without exposing you to visual caries from too much sweetness.
Earlier today when I reviewed "Olga" I expressed my disbelief in jocks doing a 180 and I feel the need to elaborate that I think that most people just lose the ability to change for the better while growing up.
Selfishness is a character trait that goes rarely without reward, and once a personality is established as arrogant or ignorant there are few triggers that could evoke the necessairy motivation to want to improve oneself. Why change, when you lack the ability to see that there's something wrong with you, with how you treat other people?
Toby was deep down still a nice guy who just didn't see that he didn't behave like one. Otherwise the incident with Alexis wouldn't have bothered him as much. His motivation for changing was different from the usual explanations ("love changed him" and "he was just pretending to be an asshole") because Toby just noticed that he wasn't a good person although he wanted to be one.
All in all you did a very good job portraying him.
At the end when he made Alexis reenact her bad experience in a more positive light, it reinforced the fact that he really is a counselor who has to deal with the effects of bullying on a regular basis and it made his character seem all the more consistent.
Alexis was also an interesting person to read about and I think you did well in making her shy and reluctant to get closer to someone but still brave enough to eventually face her past and come out about being the girl from the cruel hall incident. She isn't over what happened to her but she still grew up and with some help she'll surely find real selfconfidence.
Toby and Alexis just make such a nice couple...
You have a lot of stories uploaded and as I'm clearly unable to keep my reviews short, I wont have the time to comment on all of your stories I'll read, so just know that I am reading and enjoying them!
Have a nice day!
(P.S.: You couldn't by any chance tell me if it's possible, and if yes how to use italics in a comment?)