|Reviews for Prom Date|
| angelinsydney chapter 1 . 2/28
The story is well written. I congratulate you on a massive effort.
It is not my thing however so I'm afraid any critique I offer would be coloured by that.
Over four thousand words for a chapter is too long, but that's more a matter of opinion. It was a little slow so I speed read it.
I'd give it three stars.
Take care and carry on.
| Sparklemaster58 chapter 1 . 2/7
| rtcw chapter 1 . 2/1
Hmm. This was really well written. I think your doing a great job. As far as I am concerned your writing is straight and to the point.
| sleepingdragoness chapter 1 . 1/21
i thought it was really well written, better than anything i could have written anyway. there was a good amount of detail, it has a reeling plot, in other words a good read. i wouldnt change a thing. keep writting im positive it will get even better as you progress.
| radicalgirl39 chapter 1 . 1/18
Good detail. Grammar is great. I love it!
| Laurence Spencer chapter 1 . 1/8
Very interesting concept and I am curious to see where it goes. A few things that could help it read better, such as breaking up the paragraphs a bit more so that they aren't blocks of text and can be read easier. It would be better to replace a lot of "The teenager" and "the boy" either with he or with Danny's name, since that is who you're talking about. And it's hard to see a high school senior having 600 dollars to drop on prom night... maybe somewhere around 200 to 250 is more realistic.
| Zalinka chapter 1 . 1/8
This is actually quite funny! Definitely an unexpected twist. I really can't find anything that I personally would change - Your grammar and diction are excellent. The only thing I might do would be to add, maybe, a couple paragraphs about whether or not the spell ends by morning or if Danny has to live the rest of his life as a girl. Otherwise, this is really good!
| CL Mustafic chapter 1 . 1/8
Let me preface this review by saying that this is not the type of story that I'd choose to read on my own but since you asked nicely for a review, here it is.
The story was very well written, grammar and punctuation all accounted for. Your writing is descriptive yet not to the point where it bogs the reader down, for me that's a plus. The story flows well and it's easy to get engrossed in it.
I'm not really a fan of the fantasy genre so most of my problems with the story are probably because of that so I won't go into detail on what I didn't like. The only thing I will point out is that I didn't care for the ending. If this is a complete story, it left me feeling unsatisfied. I'm not sure if there was a lesson in all of this for Danny (it felt like one of those stories that was out to teach the MC a lesson) and if there was what was it? What was I as a reader suppose to take away from this?
If you decide to revise or add another chapter I'll be back to read it because now it's stuck in my head and I need answers!
| LeeMona chapter 1 . 1/7
This was impeccable and wonderful. The plot twist is groovy and unexpected. You have a stylistic writing style that I love. The stream of conscious is wonderful. This story is a ten out of ten. I wouldn't improve or change anything. Punctuation and grammar are on point. Great job I want you to keep on writing this! :). By the way one of the main characters in my story Four Friends One Dream's name is Danny too :)
| Dcatpuppet chapter 1 . 7/4/2014
I hope Danny will be able to fix this problem. Otherwise, this is a really good story.
| christina chapter 1 . 5/3/2014
Please update! You left me hanging on what happens next!
| Weird Girl 14 chapter 1 . 4/17/2014
Okay, wow! I didn't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it!
I really enjoyed it! It had the most unsuspecting plot twist I've ever seen! Quite original, indeed! I really liked it! Very much!
A few critiques:
From: "The old man frowned and waved his hand" to "Danny could only nod his head in shocked silence"
I think you could rewrite that better. It wasn't clear to what "magical" thing that occurred that gave full proof that the Old Man was not lying. So, he felt dizzy? He sat in the chair? Was it sudden? Did something else happen? Mmm...it wasn't quite clear and it was hard to understand what was so shocking about that scene.
Another thing is a little more description and or detail can be used in your story.
Aside from those things, however, it was wonderful! Beautiful job! I enjoyed it!
| The-child-at-heart chapter 1 . 4/14/2014
A very interesting story with good twist. I liked how you had a teenage boy live out one night as a girl while being trapped in his/her own body. The conflict in himself about wanting to change back to enjoying himself and the ending where . It is a well done story and I like it, I wouldn't change anything. Jenny's bit at the end was very interesting, is there going to be a continuation for an explanation?
| Azziepop chapter 1 . 4/11/2014
Well this was certainly an interesting story... It's well... how can I say this different. I certainly liked your idea but I think you need to work on how you actually present the story.
| Krimson Crusader chapter 1 . 2/28/2014
Great story! My notes are in the PM