|Reviews for Prom Date|
| WordDreamer chapter 1 . 2h
I am not really an expert (I just started writing about a year ago) but you are really good. Sorry if this isn't helpful but I didn't see anything that needs to be changed. Just keep at it and eventually you will be amazing at it. Maybe try a longer story that needs a bunch of chapters to complete it. Remember: the more you practice the better you will become. Lots of love,
| AllegoriesInMediasRes chapter 1 . 18h
I have to preface this review by saying I usually don't read supernatural stories or gender bender stories, but I was surprised to find that I enjoyed this story. It's well-written, with no spelling or grammar errors (or at least, none that popped out and detracted from the reading experience), balanced description and appropriate vocab, and it flows well. I couldn't entirely relate with Danny as I've never been all too fussed about events like prom, but you do a good job of laying out his conflicts and his mindset.
Like a few other reviewers, though, the ending does feel incomplete. Does he turn back into a boy? Is he pissed off at the old man for pulling a fast one on him? How does he resolve the observations that spending prom night as a girl has brought to light? Does he try to make changes in his everyday life? I think this oneshot overall would benefit from an extended ending or another chapter to tie up all the loose ends.
| Ruff Desperado chapter 1 . 11/8/2016
Yeah, so, this story is, uh, definately interesting. I don't know though. I just feel like this story kinda loses some potential of being even better. Nothing wrong with the grammar, dialogue or anything. It's perfect. It's just, Danny seemed really hard done by in this story. Now that I think about it, Danny spent over $600 to turn into a girl, be forced to enjoy it under a spell, and date a male friend. The spell forced Danny to act like a girl while his mind seemed to know what was going on. From a boy's perspective I can tell you that's a horror, okay. If he did have the full ability to move in his female body it could have been a comedy, like he could have been, "OMG I'm a girl? I've got boobs?" etc etc. But he had to sit back, watch it all happen, and then he thought his dad doesn't see him as a hopeless son anymore. Harsh?
The ending came abrupt all of a sudden. It's not clear whether he turned back into a boy or not, I'm not even sure if it's a cliffhanger or being an ambiguous open ending.
I legit have so much more to talk about when I PM you...
| TheReluctantWriter chapter 1 . 11/4/2016
Okay, I’m just going to dive right in. These are the minor things I picked up in the story:
Maybe separate the first couple of lines of dialogue. May work better visually but that’s a personal preference.
Causing his already bleak mood to grow even darker – is darker the right word? Maybe Sullen or surly – again this could just be a personal preference.
Smiled gamely? – Maybe change gamely?
Love that they randomly have a ‘Spells R Us’ store haha!
After a moment, he shrugged before walking through the door and was met by the sight…” This sentence seems too long to me. Maybe break up into 2?
Peering through a jeweler’s loupe at a small piece of jewelry – it’s kind of implied with the jeweler’s loupe that he would be looking at jewelry. Perhaps specify – maybe it’s a ring, or a diamond earring.
Your date will appear one hour after you open the suitcase….the spell takes effect immediately – contradiction? Or maybe I’m just not understanding the spell enough yet.
It’s a really interesting story! Most of my criticism are probably more personal preferences than reflection on your work. The twist was really interesting, definitely hadn’t guessed the story would go that way when reading the beginning. The end was a little confusing though but that could just be me. Don’t quite get why the spell controlled all of his movements rather than just changing his reality/making him a girl. Could be an interesting follow up to the story where he is in control of his body and trying to adapt to the new world or get back to the way things used to be.
Overall great work!
| Joce the Writer chapter 1 . 11/4/2016
This was so good! I loved everything about it and it was so funny but at the same time meaningful. you did a good job at portraying Danny's emotions throughout so that you could relate to him, even though it was an unrealistic situation.
| addledwalrus chapter 1 . 10/23/2016
I found this to be a rather intriguing story and you created quite some suspense with the way you wrote Danny's thoughts.
I am pretty confused by the ending, but I guess it's mostly just me.
| Bluestarbutterfly chapter 1 . 3/13/2016
Wow. This was an interesting story. When I first read it, I was like "Okay, another story about a guy falling in love with a girl," but to be honest, I was surprised at the end. I felt like there was a good message in the story. Like for example, Danny was wanting a date for the prom, but then, he was the date through a magic spell or something. He was seeing the world through the eyes of a girl and also he could see what the world was like if he was a girl. I felt sad about the friendship between Danny and Jenny changed. I don't know if that was what you were doing, but good job. The grammar was good. But could use a little more work. But then again, everyone has a different way of writing.
| miracleff chapter 1 . 2/6/2016
What a twist! I wasn't expecting that, and after the twist happened, the story picked up pace and was an enjoyable read. Keep it up:)
| Wonderfall Wonderwall chapter 1 . 12/29/2015
It was definitely an interesting one. Not my usual cup of tea, but yeah it's really, uh, fucking long but it's a one shot. I do like some of the things you've done here, I think one of the things you should do is maybe make your characters more...relatable in the long run. I think for a one shot this works, but I think if you decide to write a long running story, work to make your characters and surroundings pop more.
| angelinsydney chapter 1 . 2/28/2015
The story is well written. I congratulate you on a massive effort.
It is not my thing however so I'm afraid any critique I offer would be coloured by that.
Over four thousand words for a chapter is too long, but that's more a matter of opinion. It was a little slow so I speed read it.
I'd give it three stars.
Take care and carry on.
| Sparklemaster58 chapter 1 . 2/7/2015
| rtcw chapter 1 . 2/1/2015
Hmm. This was really well written. I think your doing a great job. As far as I am concerned your writing is straight and to the point.
| SilverCat64 chapter 1 . 1/21/2015
i thought it was really well written, better than anything i could have written anyway. there was a good amount of detail, it has a reeling plot, in other words a good read. i wouldnt change a thing. keep writting im positive it will get even better as you progress.
| radicalgirl39 chapter 1 . 1/18/2015
Good detail. Grammar is great. I love it!
| Laurence Spencer chapter 1 . 1/8/2015
Very interesting concept and I am curious to see where it goes. A few things that could help it read better, such as breaking up the paragraphs a bit more so that they aren't blocks of text and can be read easier. It would be better to replace a lot of "The teenager" and "the boy" either with he or with Danny's name, since that is who you're talking about. And it's hard to see a high school senior having 600 dollars to drop on prom night... maybe somewhere around 200 to 250 is more realistic.