|Reviews for Prom Date|
| Secrets Of The Moonlight chapter 1 . 12/9/2013
This story seems really good so far. The concept is unique and well written. Danny seems like an interesting character and I'm interested to see what happens next.
| Pixiedragon25 chapter 1 . 12/9/2013
This story was very intriguing; I like the thought of Danny turning into Deanna because he didn't know what he was dealing with when conversing with the guy at the shop. I feel as if some smaller details could be explained more, with some more detail. I also feel that this was actually very good; it would be interesting to see what would happen next. Have you ever thought of making another chapter? Either way it was a very good chapter; I enjoyed reading it. PD25
| Kendom chapter 1 . 12/9/2013
Wow… just wow… That was a GOOD story! Not over-the-top but good when I was expecting something average. SPOILER-
I mean the whole thing was clichéd and a bit lacking on the situation response. “Yea, just blow 600 bucks out of the blue on a random MAGIC store out there in the mall.” The magic malfunction cliché… and all that. The rest was very funny, well described, the dialogue was fluid… I even liked the whole situation overall.
In my experience there isn’t a lot to complain about and it felt like it was a good use of my time. The ending was a bit WTF but I believe it is right for this story in particular. Not going to spoil more of the story for any newcomers.
What could be done better is the decision making of characters and the level of clichés that break immersion, the rest is usually fixed by getting more experience.
6/10-Not great, but it’s worth your time and can provide a good reading.
| Apple Dust chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
I thought it was very creative to have Danny transform in a girl because of a magic spell so he could have a date to prom! Although I can't relate to this story as well as others might(I don't particularly care for school events so I can't connect to Danny wanting to find a date), it still interested me. One thing that seemed off to me was the that the pricing of a love potion was too expensive but the spell that altered his life course was cheap enough for him to purchase. If you ever want to revise that part of the story, you could always say that love potions don't exist at all(I know you said that most were fairy tales) or that they have rather dreadful side effects so a spell would work better for his situation. Just something that makes it more believable but whatever you want! :)
I noticed that in the first paragraph, the different dialogues were together; each time a new person starts talking a new paragraph should be started. It seemed like you followed that rule throughout the rest of the story, so maybe it was a mistake. This story held my interest but the ending doesn't necessarily satisfy the reader's curiosity.
Don't get me wrong, I think it is a wonderful idea to leave the reader hanging and wondering what will happen next! If this were the first chapter of a book, it would fit well because then we could find out later on why Danny heard Jenny's voice(if it was past advice coming back to him or if she had something to do with the magician and the spell or whatever else it could be). I noticed; however, that the status of the story said 'complete'! If you ever think of expanding this story, I'll definitely come back to read and review more of it because I think Danny's situation is a comical one.
| Black Beauty 90 chapter 1 . 7/17/2013
I couldn't find in this story, "Prom Date". The story actually pulled on my heartstrings. I sympathized with Danny because he faced rejection.
| FrownieFlubbs chapter 1 . 7/16/2013
Well like you asked me to...:
I think the story is very interesting, I love the use of vocabulary and think you did a fantastic job on this but I feel like it would have been better if you developed it more since it's pretty much skipping ahead and stuff (If you know what I mean). I wish you could tell us what happens next though
| Kaith1 chapter 1 . 5/29/2013
Well here I am like you asked, and I must say, this was quiet an interesting read. I liked how you captured the teenage, 'everything revolves around me' idea with Danny trying to get a date, and it just blowing up in his face. I'll be honest however, I don't like the ending. It doesn't really feel like an ending and it's makes me feel like there's more to the story.
| EgyptianLotus chapter 1 . 5/28/2013
Very great start. I seen at the beginning however where the speech and thoughts were in the same paragraph. My suggestion is to make another line for the speech and for the thoughts. Its very good thinking putting thoughts in italics by the way. Great job my friend, can't wait to read more. :)
| JustYourAverageTeen chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
This is really good! Just stick strong to your story line and don't loose focus of where you want you story to go.
| M1ssE chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
It's good, although for every new utterance it should be a new line
| blackheart98 chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
That's really good! Interesting too. Keep writing more stories like this!
| 000RainbowChick000 chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
I think this really is something; it's good story and I like that the magic screws things up, it makes it funnier and a little creepy to read.
The only thing I'm a little unsure aboutis the end; I don't get if he changes back or not, and I don't really understand why he hears Jenny says what she says.. Of coursel this can just be me being too tired to think properly since I just got home from work..
But overall it was nice and I really like it, so I say GOOD WORK!
| Melody Hallows chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
It's a good story for all it's worth, though as others have said before it's quite a bit underdeveloped. That's alright though; all story ideas hit this stage in development, and it's all the more fun to work out the quirks.
Character development and description are what I see as most lacking. For example, I would not have known that Jenny was Danny's best friend unless it had been mentioned. Also, I'm a little confused as to how a temporary love potion would be worth more than a spell that literally twists the fabric of time and space. That part confused me quite a bit… now where I'm from, the ultimatum of prom is that if you don't have a date, you don't go, and I've been quite alright with that fact in my high school life. But as a result, I find it hard to relate to Danny, who's desperate for a date to prom. As for the description, I'll share with you a method I use when I need to describe something and don't know how. Find a piece of paper. Write the name of the place, character, or object that needs describing at the top. Then below that, write every phrase or word that comes to mind when you envision that person/place/object. After you have it all down on paper it should be a little easier to piece together a nicely flowing description that doesn't leave anything out. Remember that you need to act as your audience's imagination or they won't see what you see.
| InfamousDaydream chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
I liked the idea to this, though you have a couple of issues that I picked up on.
Your formatting is incorrect. The way you have speech should not be embedded into a paragraph but on a separate line for each phrase with whatever relating description to the voice that says it after.
Also there is a moment where Jenny is holding boxes and then waves at Danny with no mention of the boxes being put down...though that's just my pedantic mind at work!
I think you need to focus on developing atmosphere more as in the scenes of panic and the dance nothing was "felt" for me, everything was described but that's about it.
Other than that well done, it was a fun read!
| PhantomWolf79 chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
Man that would awkward! Turning into the other gender JUST before prom! I love it. I truly sincerely love it! If there is more to the story, I WANT IT.