Reviews for Prom Date
EgyptianLotus chapter 1 . 5/28/2013
Very great start. I seen at the beginning however where the speech and thoughts were in the same paragraph. My suggestion is to make another line for the speech and for the thoughts. Its very good thinking putting thoughts in italics by the way. Great job my friend, can't wait to read more. :)
JustYourAverageTeen chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
This is really good! Just stick strong to your story line and don't loose focus of where you want you story to go.
M1ssE chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
It's good, although for every new utterance it should be a new line
GrungeGirlWannabe chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
That's really good! Interesting too. Keep writing more stories like this!
000RainbowChick000 chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
I think this really is something; it's good story and I like that the magic screws things up, it makes it funnier and a little creepy to read.

The only thing I'm a little unsure aboutis the end; I don't get if he changes back or not, and I don't really understand why he hears Jenny says what she says.. Of coursel this can just be me being too tired to think properly since I just got home from work..

But overall it was nice and I really like it, so I say GOOD WORK!
Melody Hallows chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
It's a good story for all it's worth, though as others have said before it's quite a bit underdeveloped. That's alright though; all story ideas hit this stage in development, and it's all the more fun to work out the quirks.
Character development and description are what I see as most lacking. For example, I would not have known that Jenny was Danny's best friend unless it had been mentioned. Also, I'm a little confused as to how a temporary love potion would be worth more than a spell that literally twists the fabric of time and space. That part confused me quite a bit… now where I'm from, the ultimatum of prom is that if you don't have a date, you don't go, and I've been quite alright with that fact in my high school life. But as a result, I find it hard to relate to Danny, who's desperate for a date to prom. As for the description, I'll share with you a method I use when I need to describe something and don't know how. Find a piece of paper. Write the name of the place, character, or object that needs describing at the top. Then below that, write every phrase or word that comes to mind when you envision that person/place/object. After you have it all down on paper it should be a little easier to piece together a nicely flowing description that doesn't leave anything out. Remember that you need to act as your audience's imagination or they won't see what you see.
InfamousDaydream chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
I liked the idea to this, though you have a couple of issues that I picked up on.
Your formatting is incorrect. The way you have speech should not be embedded into a paragraph but on a separate line for each phrase with whatever relating description to the voice that says it after.
Also there is a moment where Jenny is holding boxes and then waves at Danny with no mention of the boxes being put down...though that's just my pedantic mind at work!
I think you need to focus on developing atmosphere more as in the scenes of panic and the dance nothing was "felt" for me, everything was described but that's about it.
Other than that well done, it was a fun read!
PhantomWolf79 chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
Man that would awkward! Turning into the other gender JUST before prom! I love it. I truly sincerely love it! If there is more to the story, I WANT IT.
Insane-Kitty-Blood chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
I am sad to say I quickly lost interest in the story, at the part where the shop owner asks for "Six hundred dollars plus tax". I do not know anyone that just has six hundred dollars laying around that they are able to spend, let alone a teenager. The concept is intriguing enough, though it requires some development. I think if you worked on the idea a little more and tweaked a few things, it has the potential be a lovely and entrancing story.
Lunny Lovegood chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
Great story. It really held my interest!
Clarawrites chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
Great story! I'm a bit confused at the end...
Deep Uncertainty chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
This was a great story, and I really liked it!
MadamMayhem chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
That was interesting. The plot was definitely fresh, and the characters were cool.
cherryrose10 chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
Cool story!
Thirteenth Circle chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
Lots of reviews.
I cringed a little when I realized the spell was taking over, and then everyone was different because of magic of insurance. The plot was great, honestly, did not go where I expected. Which is good. Your writing is good and the vocab isn't too limited. Nice story.
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