Reviews for FABLES of FANTASY
ForbiddenAngel21 chapter 2 . 8/26/2012
Okay, well to start off my little critique you asked for I should state something, re-read through your own work first, that way if a sentence doesn't make proper sense then change it.

Now even though the brilliance of your writing is shining through, I should warn you not to state the same thing twice in a description and please don't -I beg of you don't- put too much description in. That really turns people off stories (I've done it before). Overall I really liked it, so beta-ing for this will be incredibly fun.

The Forbidden
Miles Montgomery chapter 3 . 8/17/2012
Things seem to be getting serious. I hope his other party members are ok. Post soon.
TheStar41 chapter 2 . 8/17/2012
'If there's no chance of me dying-" his dark eyes stared to shine in the light '
'his' Needs to be in caps 'His'
'"How do ya like that!?'
Take out the exclamation mark
'"Think smarter!"
Maybe faster instead of smarter, it would sound less confusing.
'casuing l pieces of stone fall to the ground.'
'Casuing' is spelled wrong, 'causing'. And is the thing between 'causing' and 'pieces' a typo?
'"Where have you been!?'
Take the exclamation out.
'a igure could be seen resting just inside the snakes jaw.'
'igure' Did you mean 'Figure'?
'"What do you mean we can't sell it!?"'
Take the exclamation out.
'"The Day's not even half over." he commented,'
'he' Needs to be in caps. 'He'
'"Yo Vann." a voice greeted.'
'a' Needs to be in caps. 'A'
'"Do we have anything better to do?" he answered,'
'he' Needs to be in caps. 'He'
'"Che, bastard…" he muttered.'
'he' Needs to be in caps. He'
'You should be more patient." he replied.'
'he', 'He'
I didn't do the whole story, but I did do more then half. I suggest more then one beta reader. I like the story!
DarkAngelGal chapter 2 . 8/17/2012
Wow, great plot! I also like the characters dialogue! Maybe you could describe their appearances and clothing a little more? All i can envision is their hair lol! And I need more details on the Aunt! I have no clue what she looks like! Also in some parts you don't really describe where they are (like the last part). Try to add more details to the scenery.
And I found a few grammar mistakes:
"Che,bastard" should be "Che-bastard"
"kinda" should be "kind of" (Kinda is not a word)
casuing l pieces of stone fall to the ground.-Fix that.
"Neither have I." Adan replied, shrugging, "But who knows? Maybe it's a surprise from the development team or something." he suggested, "Either way, I think we should at least check it out." (Get rid of the "he suggested".)
And I would put "It's not on the world map, strange": "It's not on the world map...strange." but tht's just me.
Anyway, pretty interesting story! I'm looking forward for more!
DarkAngelGal chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
Interesting Prologue...but it's only three sentences. Maybe you can lengthen it more? Anyway looking good so far! -DarkAngelReviews
Miles Montgomery chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
Interesting story so far. Post more soon please. :)